no, I dont cut. No, I wasnt abused. I’m sorry if you have been.
In 5th grade I started taking pills (amphetamine) and some for sleeping. I started getting really skinny, never eating, never hungry. I turned pale and gaunt, my parents thought I was anorexic. I couldnt explain to them that I just wasnt hungry (a side effect of amphetamine) so I lied. A lot. “yea I ate a sandwich when you were gone.” I hadnt. Ya this wasnt bad, i was a pretty happy kid, just really skinny. Then 6th grade rolled around and i weighed around 60 lb for the first half of school. I started to get really depressed. You probably think this sounds stupid, like what kind of little kid gets depressed? was it really depression? Hell yes it was, I was suicidal for most of the school year. Me and my best friend had a fight and I had no friends for a while. We hung out all the time, practically conjoined by the hip. My parents divorced and my mom moved out. Then I realized that my childhood wasnt as happy as I thought. My parents argued 24 7, even on vacations. I started band and met a lot of friends there. i sat next to 2 guys and for next 3 years too and got to know them pretty well. I got a crush on one of them and I soon realized he didnt really care or pay attention to me. Like every other crush, but this one hurt way more then the rest. It still does. now I weigh about 110 and I am a bit chubby. which I was made fun of for, by my brother. now here I am. sad, chubby, lonely and suicidal. I was taken off amphetamine when I realized that life wasnt supposed to feel as crappy as I thought. I still keep my old bottle of amphetamine in case I want an “easy way out.” Yea it doesnt sound nearly as bad as everyone elses stories on here does it? I still feel like crap. I try not to feel sorry for mmyself.
I wonder… Is anyone really happy? Are any of you guys?
8 comments
I’ve been depressed since I was 12 years old, I’m 25 now. Don’t wanna live.
You don’t need to justify yourself and say stuff like it’s not as bad as you guys.
a problem can look as big as a mountain if you’re looking at it from the bottom.
Everyone has different problems but your problems are important to .. because it doesn’t mater what the problem is .. pain is pain no mater what the cause.
Being made fun of for something you already don’t like about yourself can cause extreme mental anguish and people who do that to other people don’t realize it can mess them up for life. To me I think some weight on a person looks much beter . I see heavier women all the time now and I think that is beautiful and I wished I looked more like that. 110 sounds like a great weight to me. But if you really want to change it just exercise, I have been doing it a lot lately and I feel so much beter with no depression at all in over 3 weeks now.
Hun,
110 is not fat. I’m a guy, 5 3, and weigh 115 lbs. And people think I’m tiny. You’re beautiful, you mustn’t worry about that.
As for depression, yes from what I have read, I really do believe it is possible to have it when you are a child.
Maybe you’re problems are not as big as some on here, but they feel big, so no need for apologizing. I understand I do that to myself a lot, but yeah, your problems are not small.
If you wish to email me, I will promise to be a friend. My email address is: brl.cents@gmail.com I have a song I wrote, that I wish for you to listen to, ok?
Your friend,
Blindaudio
p.s. As for the crush situation, yeah, I recognise how that feels, I have had lots of girls hurt me.
This is pathetic.
You’re kidding right.
I weep for humanity.
110 lbs is chubby.
Can anyone say attention seeker?
Sorry toots. But that made my day.
I am not even relitivily close to being this rude.
But you just brought a cupcake to a German moshpit.
@theslowdecay fuck off man. last thing somebody needs is posting on a suicidesite getting called an attention seeker. we’re all looking for some here regardless if you want to admit it to yourself or not.
@sasha
keep posting here if you want. we all want to help and listen in some form or another. (: