My name is praful raj.
I am suffering from torture of this world.
I came on this earth on 24th april 1995 at 8:10 PM (GMT 5.50).I was born in an Indian state i.e Andhra Pradesh in Telangana region in a city named HYDERABAD.
I want to commit suicide because my mother,father and brother hates me.
BUT i still love them.I am a hard worker.I study very hard to get *** marks.But my family wont support me and they always discourage me.They say me that i dont have any caliber or intelligence.They always join me in an institution in which rote learning is preferred.And i hate rote learning.They dint even provide me basic minimum facilities to learn i.e like a fan in room,chair etc.
AND I BARED THIS ALL.THIS I NOT MY REASON TO COMMIT SUICIDE.
BUT……….
There are many reasons.They always say to all people that i am very bad behaving person,poor student,wasting their money eat a lot. infact i am very thin i dont eat much.my family says me that i use abusive words with them but i dont speak bad words at all.I am exactly unable to describe the tortures i bared.I loved them they hated me.I defended my brother in a violence situation with his friends.When that matter became a pointing point to my family they said public that everything happened because of me .when the mistake was made by my brother.my family dint supported me in anything.
I AIMED FOR A SEAT IN A PRESTIGIOUS COLLEGE AND WORKED HARD FOR IT BUT ID NOT ACHIEVE IT NOT BECAUSE I DINT HAVE A RIGHT APPROACH FOR IT BUT BECAUSE MY PARENTS JUST SAID MEÂ “LOOK AT YOUR FACE IN THE MIRROR”.THERE WAS NO ONE IN MY LIFE TO SUPPORT ME,ENCOURAGE ME,LOVE ME.
PEOPLE LOOK AT MY FACE NOT MY TALENT AND HARD WORK.
I GAVE THIS WORLD LOVE AND IN RETURN GOT SEVERE INJURIES.
I KNOW THERE WILL BE NO ONE TO CRY FOR ME WHEN I DIE.I WANT SOME ONE WHO LOVES ME OR I WANT PEACE BEACAUSE I DINTÂ ACHIEVE ANYTHING.
I WANT TO LIVE BUT I WANT SOME LOVE NO MORE CRUELTY.MY CHILDHOOD HAS BEEN ABUSED.
I WANT SOMEONE WHO CAN GIVE ME ALL THOSE LOVE I LOST.BUT I KNOW THERE WILL BE NO ONE LIKE THAT. NOW MY CHOICE IS TO FIND PEACE WHICH IS POSSIBLE ONLY IF I QUIT
I WILL COMMIT SUICIDE IN JUST TWO TO THREE DAYSÂ BECAUSE I WANT TO TAKE AIR ,WATER ,WALK, TALK RUN WITH JOY AND MAKE ALL THE FALSE STATEMENTS MADE BY MY FAMILY ABOUT ME TRUE.
FINALLYÂ Â I WANT TO SUGGEST THE PEOPLE WHO WANT TO COMMIT SUICIDE TO THINK ABOUT THEIR LIFE BECAUSE I AM THE UNLUCKIEST FELLOW AND THEY ARE SOME WHAT BETTER I CAN BET THAT.EVEN IF MY LIFE WAS SOMEWHAT BETTER I WILL NEVER DO THIS THING……………………. BUT MY LIFE CONDITION IS WORST.
IN MY LIFE I WAS ALWAYS STARVING FOR A LITTLE LOVE AND AFFECTION FOR ME BUT MY LUCK IS VERY HARD.
I DONT BLAME ANYONE FOR MY SUICIDEÂ Â I JUST WROTE ABOVE ALL TO SAY HOW I FELT ABOUT THEIR TRATMENT TO ME
4 comments
You don’t need love or affection. This is your life. Live for yourself. So there are some rotton souls on this earth. Has been since the beginning of time. Its called the devil.
When people say this “I need love, everyone hates me, no one likes me” it reminds me of a baby that hasn’t been weened from its mother’s tit. I hate to sound rude bro. But u need to be a man. Fuck everyone else. 75 percent of us stop getting the love and attention we used to get when we were little ones at an early age. And we miss it, and search for it everywhere high and low. But won’t find it. I hate to break this to ya. But we are on our own in this life. Ur a smart guy. U know what I’m saying.
I kind of agree with TheSlowDecay. When we are children, somebody has to take care of us. But as grownups we have to take care of ourselfs. Having bad childhood is not a great start in adult life, but it is you, who will make the rest of your life worth living – its your job its your prerogative. Dont give up on your self, couse you are a hard worker – you can make it happen.
Very inspiring comment written by TheSlowDecay up there. I’d wish to add some things.
Praful. My father died when I was 3 and his entire family abandoned me. My grandmother from my mom’s side attempted suicide. I have no siblings. My mother abuses me. My ex mentally abuses me and dumped me like a garbage.
But I have recovered and am fighting again.
The reason you are feeling so bad is because you keep letting THEM control YOU. LIVE FOR YOURSELF. TRUST NO ONE BUT YOURSELF. In my case, I trust my dreams even more than I trust God. I have stopped finding love and have accepted the fact that I will always remain alone, and I’m fine with it, because I know that NO OTHER PERSON CAN EVER LOVE ME THE WAY I LOVE MYSELF.
I love myself, I cherish my body and health, I have faith in my dreams and what I’m trying to accomplish, and that is all my happiness.
Hello Praful Raj,
I want you to know your pain has touched me deeply. I am so sorry you are hurting so much. I too, was on the outside of the family. I took years of setting boundaries but things did change. We are all close now. It does take a lot of forgiveness. Please keep studying hard. Don’t give up. I was in a better university when I started but due to depression I dropped out and ended up finishing years later at a University that wasn’t as good. If you can, focus all of your attention on studying. If you do that it will dull the pain. You will simply be too busy to feel it. Push it away for now and study hard. Good luck to you.