So far, in this short period I call a life, I’ve been hurt by three people. Whoever reads this post will probably be thinking, Only three? That’s nothing. But these three people have really put me down in life and I just can’t seem to pull myself back up. No matter how hard I try and get a few inches higher, I somehow manage to go down again the next day….
I’m not much of an expert on relationships, but I know something is definitely wrong when the “boy” you are with for almost three years ignores you for his friends. He would rather play his dumb video games and sit on his ass all day instead of hanging out with me. He said over and over that he loved me when I was questioning it, but I know it wasn’t true. If someone truly loved you he would have wanted to spend all of his time with you and think about 24/7, etc. I just never understood this relationship and why I stayed for so long. But now i am starting to realize that the whole time I was with him, I just didn’t think I deserved anyone better. And the last few months I was with him really hit me hard and completely hated myself. I assumed that the reason why he was ignoring me was because something was wrong with me. Ugly? Stupid? Annoying? I couldn’t figure out what it was. I felt like I was more of a friend not a girlfriend. Sometimes I even felt like his mother the way he treated me.
Soon after I escaped from that torture chamber of a relationship I met someone new that really liked. And it seemed like he liked me a lot too. Turns out I was wrong. DEAD wrong. He used me for sex. Not only am I messed up from the relationship a few months earlier, but now I’m even more messed up because of this guy that just couldn’t control himself and took advantage of me. If he wasn’t interested he should have just told me instead of leading me on.And then the worst happen. It wasn’t the fact that he took my virginity. Â It’s the fact that he started dating someone and didn’t even warn me. I overheard about it from a few people I work with. It’s because of him that I cut myself. It’s because of him that I want to kill myself. It’s because of him that I can’t stand to look at myself in the mirror and that don’t deserve anything I have in this world. That bad relationship i had i had a little bit of hope to get better. Because I met him I now have no hope at all. I’M COMPLETELY LOST AND I WILL NEVER BE FOUND….He is my biggest regret….
You’re probably wondering who the third enemy is….Well if you think about it that person is me. You are your worst enemy. It is so true. Everyday I battle with myself on how I look and act. I just can’t stop. I am completely broken and I know no one cares about me and they never will….I am screaming on the inside trying to break out and I will forever be trapped in this dungeon of a body and I can’t do anything about it.
7 comments
I really suck at writing….. But you at least get the idea….
Yes, I get the idea. You fell victim to a self absorbed man child, the third such person I know who has experienced this. I can only suggest that you distance yourself from such undesirables. Those first two enemies are easily dealt with: simply erase them from your life and press for’d. I know it will be hard (especially since one of them laid claim to your virginity) but you need to let go and carry on.
I like to think these two fellas had no idea of the special and caring girl that had come into their sad, miserable, despicable lives. Well, too bad for them because you will find a way through this and someday you’ll come across a “man” who will love you for the woman you are.
The first one fits the description of me completely back then when i made the hugest mistake in my life yet (well, not entirely, but i made someone feel like that). And i’m afraid that going against myself here, RogueLonesome is right… it was his loss (and the 2nd guys loss too). Most likely the first one will be sorry for a very long time if i’m reading him right, lol.
Try having a guy who slept with half the town, thats the whore of a wife i had 😉
I’m just baffeled..
The way you tell your story reminds me too well of my own, only in mine I was the boy. I failed to make my girlfriend feel loved, I made the mistake of playing dumb games and choosing my friends over the person I love.. If you didn’t speak about the three years I’d think you are that person.
I can’t give you much help but give you the other perspective; I feel a lot of regret. If I could do it over again I’d have done everything to stop the breakup. But everybody’s different I guess..
I’m sorry if I bothered you, I just felt very connected to what you were saying (you don’t suck at writing, I find your text very easy to read 🙂 )
yeah, it’s going to be really hard to get over this. It’s been barely 3 months since I was taken advantage of by the 2nd guy and about 5 since i was with that 1st guy. I feel like i will never get over this. Seeing the 2nd guy at work everyday and being reminded of what he did doesn’t exactly help my situation. I find myself thinking more and more about death and how it would be just so easy to end it and painless. The more I think about it the more I want to do it. Thanks for the advice. I just wish getting over this was as easy as writing it. 🙁
I can’t imagine what it feels like to be on the other side of this situation. I could never ignore someone I love. But I’m sure the friends were to blame for some of it, because they said that they would be mad at you or something. You didn’t bother me at all. I’m glad you commented. It was interesting to read it from a different perspective. And thanks for the compliment. 🙂