Hi melissaroseey,

It’s pretty obvious that you are a survivor. As much as it is not apparent in your day to day life, you’ve survived the circumstances, conditions and even decisions you’ve made for yourself to end your life. You survived these things because your will to carry on is stronger than you could imagine. You’ve yet to see the rainbow or experience the happiness you desire. Refocus that energy you’ve put into sacrificing all possibility of a turn around into an actual turn around. As determined you are to end your life, be just as determined to preserve it. I have no background with drugs/ drug abuse but I’m assuming you’ve turned to these things to escape reality and all that burdens you. Perhaps, seeing that turning to drugs in effect will cloud your mind and self worth. Turning to drugs will only temporally ease the pain then it becomes a dependency.. an illusion and only masks the problems that you will sooner have to face. I personally don’t know if life gets better, but I will assume for any and all that their lives can get better if they simply want it to and progress towards that ideology. At this point, it’s not about understanding why you are still here but what you can do in a positive and consistent manner whilst you still remain. If you simply can’t make a difference in your own life, then find happiness in making a difference in another. With time, the deeds you accomplish and the selfless acts you cultivate will bring about a self rewarding purpose and strength incomparable to that which you suffer. There are others who could use your voice and experiences, others whom you can save. I’m not saying dedicate your life or even story to strangers, possibly that isn’t what you want to do either although it is a thought and a beneficial perspective towards your own growing maturity and understanding of your situation. Don’t give up. Take Care.