Hi.. I just wanted to tell my story… So i suddenly one day find myself completly emotionless… This feeling continued for about some days. Then I started to cry without any reason. I just became sad because of… really nothing. So Things were bad but not like I wanted to self harm or end my life, yet. Then this boy came into my life… Ofcourse I fell in love With him… He showed me that he liked me to, told me I was beautiful, skinny, smart and more… We talked 24/7 and went out together… Then suddenly he tells me that what we are doing is ‘pathetic’… At first I got broken, but didn’t really understand. But we had never said to eachother that we liked eachother. Then he tells me ” you see there is this girl I like, and I think you know who she is.” And I knew, I knew all so well. There was this girl… A girl that had ‘stolen’ my friends and talked about me behind my back for so many years… I didn’t cry. But I could Breathe. I literally stopped breathing for what felt like an eternity. I got Dizzy and stuff, could’t stand up anymore. I then felt my heart beating faster than ever before. It was just horrible. He made me feel so pathetic, fat, stupid, small, ugly and Yeah… i wanted to die so badly. My self esteem was bad from before, but now it is just horrible. I tried to jump from a building, but failed because a friend of mine saw me… Then I tried to hang myself, but the same thing happened. I still really want to die. I hate him… Now I also have bulimia, anxiety, depression, suicidal thoughts and self harm problems. Help me please… And I can’t tell anyone… (sorry if I wrote some Words wrong… or if this was too much to read…)
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I find it strange that so often those who post so little seem to think it’s too long…
Gods meeting this guy was such a bad stroke of luck for you, I’m sorry about that, and the way he made you feel, that’s not how anybody should feel. I don’t think you’re pathetic or stupid, just very very miserable…
I hate it when people think they are fat and ugly, it makes me sad… I’ve said this so many times before, but beauty goes beyond so much more than physical appearance. It is beautiful to be kind, and caring, and supportive. I wish I could (lovingly) force people to see that. Being more than skin and bones is perfectly natural, there’s only a small percentage of people who have completely ectomorphic body types, and they are Far too angular. besides, a bit of padding makes sitting down a whole lot more comfortable, I should know…
To be blunt, keeping these problems to yourself isn’t helping you at all. Reaching out here is a good first step, but you’re going to need more help. You can’t really do this alone.
It wasn’t too much. Write as much as you want here. 🙂
I’m sorry you’ve been feeling so terrible. That boy treated you really badly, and it sounds like you had some problems that he triggered and brought to new extremes. Having people turn around on you like that can easily break your self esteem. I just want to say, the only thing wrong with you is that you’re in pain and you might be a danger to yourself – and they’re only ‘wrong’ in the sense that they’re harmful to you.
Talking to people is a great start, a brilliant start… I’m glad you told your story here. 🙂 Most people would say to find a doctor next. They won’t fix everything straight away, but searching for help in real life isn’t a bad idea. There are also ways you can start to ‘train’ yourself out of anxiety, depression, bulimia etc, but it’s much easier with a support system. Maybe your next step could be to find more support. If you can’t turn to anyone in real life, there are support groups and forums online for all these problems. Once you start working through one of them and it becomes less extreme, it’ll help the others as well. And you’re always welcome here, obviously.