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This is the end… And the start

by hogpotter

Pretty soon the time is coming for me to leave. I began doing things to ensure that I will lead a peaceful life ahead. I deleted all useless photos, chats and notes. I am spending the last six weeks breaking every bond I have with another human being. For all traces to be removed, and there will not be a single hint as to my existence in the light. I am not popular so no one will care when I’m gone. I don’t have friends or loved ones here so one will be sad. No party is needed because no one will attend. No goodbyes should be said because no one will even notice me going. I will not be missed. And finally, no one will send me away because I have no friends.

How amazing could it be? How wondrous could life me? I survived death, lived for two years in a facade of lies, and this is where I end up. Again.

The light is NOT the ultimate goal. For some people, for me, it is a sad realization of how broken and empty I am. There is also sadness there. I do NOT believe in heaven. For nothing is exact, and there could never be a place that holds only happiness, nor sadness.

So I am back here… again. When I wake up in the morning I jump out of my bed, eagerly going to the bathroom to brush my teeth, humming some tunes. For this is the life I was meant to led; this is the person I was born to be. And it took me 20 years to realize that fact.

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3 comments

hope432 10/25/2015 - 2:20 am

I wish you a peaceful journey. I hope you keep being alive nonetheless. Death tells nothing. Who knows where you will end up? I hope you find some desire to live and light in your loneliness.
I used to have no friends too. And now I do have one. For me this is enough to keep living.

jano.11 10/25/2015 - 4:41 am

if you want to talk i am here send me your gmail or anything that we can connect at and i will talk to you as soon as i get it
there is somethings that i should tell you before its too late ,, and some other things i would like to hear from you .. there is always a hope …

Tristeza 10/25/2015 - 6:58 am

I understand that this is what you really want, but I hope that something changes and that you try to give yourself a last chance, Hogpotter. If not, I hope you can find peace. No idea what happens after death, but I like to believe that we simply sleep a dreamless sleep forever. So sleep well.

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