Yesterday I was feeling really depressed. I just get out of bed to take the dog out and I went to a dinner with my classmates. Of course I get drunk. But instead of being happy and a silly drunk this time I started crying. I ruined the my friends’ dinner and I cried all night. They tried to comfort me but I was so embarrassed I just wanted to disappear. They are really good friends but I don’t deserve them. I left the restaurant without mobile phone and no money and went for a walk alone. Meanwhile I get lost in the city, but I managed to find the way back. When I went back to the restaurant my friend took me to the bus to go home. I told her I wanted to go towards the bridge and not home. She told me “I hope you have not said what I think you said.” And this was the closest I was to tell someone that I have suicidal thoughts. But I think she dind’t take it serious.
Today I wake up feeling crap, I went to school to get some documents and on the way home I bought a bottle of pills and two cakes. I’m not thinking on taking the pills soon (I will probably buy another bottle first) I just wanted to feel I had the choise of taking them. Now I’m gonna eat the cakes and feel more fat and depressed. Sorry to bother you with my pathetic life.
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8 comments
Do not feel bad! You didn’t ruin your friend’s dinner. It feels like you did but you didn’t. You were a human being. This happens a lot to human beings. It happens all the time. Maybe you were the first in your group of friends but I see this happen all the time. I have cried drunk at parties and dinners. I have walked off suicidal and I have seen others do it. I have seen people do this a lot. I know big, old, gnarly men who do this. I know big butch dykes that do this. Do not feel pathetic. Do not hate yourself. It didn’t ruin anyone’s night. This stuff happens all the time! Your hangover wants you to feel bad. Your hangover is not reality. Your hangover is trying to kill you.
Do not feel bad. Your friend will understand you and will always be there for you, no matter what. That is what friends are made for, for good and bad times.
That day is the past, now you are in the present, took from the past the good and let on the past the bad. Take Care
Thank you for the kind words. I feel better now about last night. I am a lucky bastard for having the friends I have.
The true problem is the reason that made me cry. Long story short I have social anxiety since I remember and depression hit me hard when I went to college. I made the really smart decision of choosing physical therapy as a career. Now I’m in the last year of the course and my internship starts in 3 days. Besides I had practical exam this week and it went really bad. So I’m fucked and just want to end this.
I hope you make it as a physical therapist. I hate the thought of having a peppy, positive thinking extrovert for a physical therapist when I have my inevitable stroke. I am going to need someone that understands hangovers and the desire to jump off bridges. Also, please bring cakes.
Actually, fuck cakes, bring beer.
Cake flavored beer, perhaps?
You really made me laugh. I needed that, thank you
I can’t count how many times I drank a bottle of tequila and wound up a crying fucked up mess. It’s totally okay to be a human being. and that comment bruiseviolet just made made me spit out a piece of steak cracking up.
The world needs more understanding physical therapists. I am hopeful you finish strong.