I’m a 17 years old girl who has been living with a depression for 4 years now. Everyday, for that period of time, I’ve been having the lingering desire to end it all. I have been subjected to bullying and intimidation for most of my school life which pushed me over the limit so many times. I only found comfort in cutting over and over again. I would, and still do, keep shattered glass somewhere or a blade which I would throw away but somehow always end up having anyways.I still want to live, and look forwards to the having a futur but sometimes it gets too tough and too hard for me to continue. I feel this emptiness and overwhelming sadness swallow me more as each day goes by. I used to relieve it by writing, drawing and listening to music but it just doesn’t cut it anymore for me. Everytime I look in the mirror I would hate myself. Since I’ve struggeled with putting on weight then losing it quickly I have stretch marks on my legs, arms, thighs, and stomach. I also have ones on my bad from having grown too tall too fast. So, I always cover up and wear loose clothes so I don’t get anyone’s attention. And when I do I always take a step back from it.
Other than the bullying and … self pity. There are much more reasons that are making me push towards this choice of ending my life that I have yet to accept before I tell anyone.
I always try to help others who feel the same way. However, this is the first time I reached out to tell this to anyone. Coming from a society where mental illness is not accepted and not known I can’t ask anyone close to me.
6 comments
I am sorry for what you are going through, i wish you happiness in your future. i understand much of what you are saying though.
Thank you for replying 🙂 I wish you the same.
dealing with mental illness in today’s society I agree is challenging, it isn’t accepted and looked down upon. nobody really seems to understand the struggles we face everyday because there really isn’t any physical signs of illness, it’s just the way we feel and we really can’t help it. I mean who in this world wants to be sad, I sure don’t, yet day to day nothing ever changes. I’m sure if you shared your story with the right people you would feel 1,000 times better.
I tried telling people who I thought were closer to me but each thought I was just pleading for attention and that I am lying. Because like you said no one wants to be sad so when I smile in public they tell me ” Here you go, you’re not sad anymore stop with your lies ”
I’m sorry you’ve been going through this for such a long time, and that the people close to you don’t seem to understand. If you can’t talk to them or see a doctor, it might help to look up self-help techniques and therapies you can practice by yourself. People recover from depression, so try to believe you can be one of them. Please keep reaching out until you find something that could work for you.
Talking can help too, so if you want to talk about the other things that have you made you feel this way, we’ll be here to listen. 🙂
What you just said really means a lot for me, thank you. <3