It took a lot of planning. A lot of planning. There are things I think I’d miss, too. Things I’ll never get to do. But in the end, they say it’s the journey, not the destination. It makes sense, because the journey would be life. And the destination would be death.
So, I guess I should have started this way, but Dear Random People:
It’s so much easier to write a suicide note when you pretend it’s not to the people I’m going to hurt. And honestly, I’m really, really sorry from the bottom of my heart (which will be not be beating soon if all goes as planned). There’s probably only, what, one person who really cares about me, someone I’ve never seen before who thinks I’m cool, because that’s just how life is. I’m kind of okay with that, I think. I don’t know. I kind of just feel numb.
Am I scared? No, not really. I’m a little nervous. I mean, I’m pretty sure it will hurt. Unless I’m so emotionally dead that I’m pretty much already there physically. I’m so calm right now. It’s so weird. I’m going to die soon and I’m so calm.
I actually have a pretty elaborate plan that I may end up editing last minute because you know, difficulties. I know I want to be falling, because I’ll feel like I’m flying, and that’ll be a good last moment. I have to make sure that I die though, because I really don’t want to be lying on the ground in a crumpled up heap in agonizing pain, alone and away from everyone and everything. So basically, I’m driving my car to this intersection nearby, super high… I’m pretty much positive that it will kill me. But just to make sure, I’m going to overdose on my mom’s sleeping pills (I’m thinking 40 should be enough) and I’ve heard it’ll be more effective if I mix them with alcohol.
So basically, overdose then jump. It should work out. I mean, I’m sure my body will turn out pretty freaky. Bloody. But frankly, if nobody cares, then I don’t either. Maybe they’ll realize what I was going through, but by then, it’ll be too late. Guess I’ll have a closed casket funeral. Ha.
I’m crying. Life sucks. Everything sucks.
But this Sunday, it’s all going to be over. All of it. They say suicide is not an option, but I think suicide might be my only option.
So, I guess this is goodbye. Goodbye to life, the past, the future and the present. I hate them all anyway.
10 comments
Good luck in your journey. The method Im going for is less gore and less messy. I dont want to traumatize whoever finds me. My family has been traumatized enough.
Hope you find what you’re looking for.
HI, has anyone asked you not to do this? Or, and here is another question, the person who you have never met that thinks you are cool, have you told them your plan? No harm getting a few outside opinions before doing the deed and after all your mom’s sleeping pills and the cliff aren’t going anywhere.
Just a thought.
Good luck on your journey. But one thing I know about dealing with suicidal thoughts and tendencies is. When another person is going through the same thing you are going through that it wants to make you live one more day to make sure that person is ok. Stranger or a loved one. I would rather live a miserable life than know that someone else is dealing with what I have gone through for years. No one deserves to feel this way. No one should ever have to go through this. One more thing is that dealing with suicide myself, in many different ways. It makes me realize that everyone has their own choices. We all chose what we do by the end of the day. And no one can ever control that or make us feel or think any different of the decision we made. Because sometimes the decision of commiting suicide is the only thing we have left and control of in each of our individual lives. It’s our choice, and no one can take it away from you. All anyone can do is support one another and be accepting. Because that is the only thing I’ve found to make me want to stay. No one should ever feel the way I do, the way we do.
Please don’t do this to yourself. Suicide is never the answer to life’s problems. What if you reincarnate and have to face all of these same problems all over again in your next life? You’re here for a reason and you have to stay here and figure out what the purpose of your life is. Please don’t jump on bloody sunday.
U never know what futre will bring sstay and do things that make u happy
@youknowwhat: www. youtube .com/watch?v=mIrmxN8uszQ
Please reconsider. Maybe explain what you are going through in life? The people here are great listeners. And you never know where you might find the ray of hope.
Good luck on your journey, your method sounds so beatiful. I am like you and want to fall so it feels like I’m flying, like freedom. I wish you the best, and if you changed your mind, or went on with your plan, I’m sure it’s for the best, you know what you want.
Im sorry that it came to this for you. All I can say is what I wish someone would say to me. “It’s ok.”
I’m sorry. I’ll miss you. No i don’t actually *know* you but I will. I hope you found peace…