Help me….its becoming too late for any help…

I’m losing it. I can’t go on. I once thought I was strong. I once was able to help people, some very simular in my situation. I once thought that I had a life to live and a life to give. No more. Suicide is a daily hell I have to face. Depression from 17 years of shit and depression and bullying and attacks. I’ve gone too far. I thought I could make it. I need help. I have lost all hope to go on, all hope to live. I am a author, a carpenter, an artist, an engineer, an interior designer, programer, computer technician, and an electrician. Too name a few skills and talents. I have gone through bully after bully, and I have just came across the worst ones yet. No one would have seen this coming. They’re my parents. I got together with a beautiful girl, and I thought she was that special one for me. No more. Every time she left my darkened home, the first things my parents would do would break me to tears. I tried to keep my girlfriends’ life especially private, but it’s damn hard to do that when you are being tortured over it. Finally I gave in and told them her religion. First time i cried in nine years. I thought I was so used to pain…and I was wrong…I did not even cry when the rest of my family died, my loved pets, or one of my best friends. I just stood silent. I am stalked. Or was. I’m not sure anymore. I’m shaking even as I am typing this…I’m so fucking scared. I broke up with my girlfriend. But it was not my decision. My parents convinced her to brake up with me. So I naturally ended it all. Now I’m regretting losing the one I loved. I tried recently to talk to one girl I liked and that I knew that loved me. She insists on ignoring me. All my friends have turned away from me. I have no money for sleeping pills…I am very poor and come from a poor background. I have no job and cannot get one. I have no one else to talk to. No one to turn to. As a kid, most of my issues were jumping off trees from bullies provoking me, and “playing” with knives. I still keep some of those knives nearby. But I’m too damn proud to use it for any good. I’m recognized as a genius from every student and teacher that meets me. I think I know better…but now I’m not sure. Even one of the teacher’s are bullying me. I pray to whatever god there is out there for help, but I get no answers. All I wanted was a friend, a girlfriend, and a life to live. Now I have none of that. All I ask is this – If theres’ anyone that can talk, help, or listen to me, please do. I can send contact information. If there is no other option, then tell me the cheapest and least painful way to end this all right now. I don’t have far to go. If I’m going to hell, then let me go there with a bang.