I just told my roommate that I’ve had a good evening, even though I spent an hour thinking about killing myself, and another hour angry and crying because I realized that my plan wasn’t going to work. I believe that lying is wrong, but I lie like that all the time lately. I believe that it’s right to apologize when I lie to people and try to be honest, but I know that I won’t fix this lie. And I know I’ll do it the next time she asks too. I feel like a liar every time someone asks me how I’m doing and I […]
Monthly Archives
February 2018
Ever since I was 14, i’ve been depressed and wanted to kill my self. In year 12, I started getting better, I got closer to my friends and I was happier. When I started uni, I got worse, I was anxious, my family were cold, distance, and always had something to complain about. That’s when i started cutting myself. Then, for the last few months it’s been up and down. I was getting better, happier, closer to my friends, spending more time with them and talking to them when ever i felt down.
But now, I…I just don’t want to. I just don’t want to […]
I’m alive today, I am 23 years old and I am alive. I joined this page when I was 16, depressed and hopeless I continued to be suicidal. I moved across the country at 19, I was jobless living off my partner, tired, depressed and hopeless. I just got a job after 3 years of making bullshit money here and there doing side jobs. I am DRAINED, I work for 14 hours and day, sometimes more. I am content with life but still have depression, I knew it wasn’t going to just “go away” it doesn’t work like that. People kept saying “once you have […]
The only thing I want is peace
but all I feel is ashamed
I’ve got these sick sad thoughts
and all they do is replay
I fight this feeling everyday.. wanting to die…what do I do when I don’t have it in me to fight anymore.. I just can’t do it. I’m losing hopelessly
Looking at the scars running down each arm
Realizing no one cares so I self-harm
I know I’ll get glares if I don’t wear sleeves
Even when it’s way too hot to believe
I feel tired, I feel forgot
Undesired and always trapped in thought
Picking at a scab until it bleeds
Then licking up all of the tiny beads
Of blood forming on my arm
I don’t care, so I self-harm
Woke up from a bad dream (not that I really have good ones) and decided I would see what I might be able to comment here. I just started posting on this site and already I feel like I’m going to flake out. I always start out but rarely finish. I need to be alone again. I feel better, in some ways, not being influenced by my surroundings. I can’t even watch television without becoming filled with depression and then it’s a matter of going into my discipline to alleviate those thoughts. I wonder if I even could help anyone. In times of clarity I […]
I had to start going to therapy.
My therapist told me I have Boderline Personality Disorder, imposter syndrome, and multiple other stuff.
Can someone walk me through this?
Is there some medication I can take ?
Cheers.
I just feel so alone. I know I’m not though. I have all of you here.
It’s just that I have things I can’t solve, my dreams are near impossible to reach now, I don’t even know if I have dreams anymore. Everyday pass me by and I’m just stuck watching my friends move on and trying to live their best lives ever. Nobody knows I’m planning my death, I couldn’t tell them.
Everybody thinks I’m fine when I just don’t want to tell them what goes in my mind. I couldn’t tell them.
There was a time when I thought that everyone feels as suicidal as me […]
Every day, every thing I do, I have to decide whether to do it or kill myself. Should I take a shower or just kill myself? Go to work or just kill myself? Go buy toilet paper or just kill myself? It’s exhausting. The only thing keeping me alive is concern for what will happen to my cat, who I love dearly. Anyway.
When your actions cause someone else pain, just remind them how they have hurt you wors before and they no longer deserve apologies or love. #Fuckyoukarmanobodyaskedforyouropinion
that is what life taught me today, anyways
I was really depressed a few months back. It made sense to want to kill myself then. Recently, however, I have felt a lot better. I even enjoy life, enjoy my relationships, and enjoy my work and studies. Life has flavor, life has fun, and yet, not every day, but often, the thoughts of suicide come back like a mosquito buzzing at the back of my head. It seems so attractive; thinking about ways to pull it off gives me a feeling I like. I forget about it or think it’s gone for good whenever something unusual, distracting is going on, but as soon as […]
I don’t have any motivation right now….What motivate you?
I was 8 years old the first time I tried to commit suicide. I’m 38 years old today and my life isn’t really any better. I attempted suicide plenty of times between then and now but I, like some, don’t want to die as much as I want to have a better life I just didn’t know how to attain it and, as I have found, might never really feel like I know how.
I spent 11 years of my life homeless, between the ages of 18 and 29, traveling the United states, looking for that better life. I never found it.
One thing I always wanted […]
I am loser. I now learn that take pushy suggests and that online class is not really effective for me. I am just angry that I may be appears to be a failure or not successful to other people. What the hack does it means to be successful? I don’t feel bad about dropping the class because I know it is not work for me but all suddenly I am a disappointment to everyone in my head. Sigh.
Just woke up. Had a dream of my life back when I had the opportunity to be happy, had friends, and loved someone. That was years ago, and every time I have dreams this vivid that resurface my happier life, I wake up truly wanting death.
I literally am to the point that I break down in my dream and tell my friends and people I once loved that I really, really miss them and would give anything to come back to how things were. It’s gotten that bad.
While my happy dreams make me feel free while I’m experiencing them, once I wake, the full weight […]
In the last month, I felt on a breaking point. I opened this site because I had to write, for my own mental health. I had to put it all out. for fuck sake.
The untold story by many suicide attempts (and survivors) is what pushed them. Most of them (***) are talking about miss understanding the reality itself. I wish to ask them – how can you understand a reality where you have been the victim of abuse? How can you explain to yourself ” oh everything can be perfect” when each day is just you avoiding the damage?
I want to post here in this […]
My friends all got girlfriends and sex when they wanted I got nothing. I don’t even have intelligence to compensate for lack of social success. I’m just a misfit who fits in nowhere not even with other misfits. I’m incredibly lonely and have lost my few friends. Recently a parent died and it felt stupid to mourn them given they’d brought me into this nightmare. I had the feeling others thought the same. I’m even robbed of normal human emotions, everything is tainted by my complete loserdom
This is my first post and I’m just here to get some stuff off my chest. I have suffered from depression for eight years and chronically for 4. I’m 24 years old and live at home because with the bills and car payment that I have I can’t afford to move out. Me and my family not have the best relationship so I’m always stuck in my room and in my head. I do have a couple friends, but for some reason even with them I push them away and still feel empty constantly. There are so many thoughts and ideas and voices in my […]
I just felt so hurt and betrayed. I went down to the beach, loaded up on benzos, blacked out and woke up in my own bed. The next day (today) i took it upon myself to stop playing the victim like i have in the past and set out to find the person who was supposed to help me. After a long search, and a brief confrontation, i found them, and now i will get what i need. The circumstances are less than ideal, but i will manage. I will not play the victim anymore. I have the power to direct my own destiny. Maybe […]
Newer Posts