Hello.
In my school, they showed this “suicide prevention” video.
It was so fucking inaccurate???
So me and my friends got together on this small group chat we have and just trashed it.
PSA: No one is going to come right out and list the symptoms of depression that they’ve been feelings.
Oh i’m sorry, you and they rest of your prissy little friends had a fight that lasted about an hour?? oh dear LORD you must be suicidal and depressed!!! Like jfc, please do not act as though you want to kill yourself or use it as a reaction. It always makes me SO […]
Hoping to Have Hope
Hoping to Have Hope
The scars healed but her mind never did. <3 I'm bisexual, currently recovering from self-harm and suicidal thoughts. I try not to cut but it's....hard. I would love to go up to these people that make my life miserable and show them the startling pattern of scars across my forearm. That would be satisfying.
So.
I’m grounded for a few days (it’s 1:19AM everyone’s asleep except my grandpa and he dgaf if I’m awake).
I spent too much time in my room and was “on electronics too much”
I spent time in my room because I had a nervous breakdown and was under a pile of stuffed animals texting my friend, shaking and crying about how much of a failure I was, trying to enjoy my favorite playlist of Green Day, Imagine Dragons, Panic! At The Disco, Twenty-One Pilots, My Chemical Romance, and Hamilton.
But no one knew until I screwed up my courage and screamed the hell out […]
i want to go ONE FUCKING DAY without being fat shamed by SOMEBODY.
My grandma last night “go exercise more you’re getting fat”
My mom this morning “you’re gonna do yoga right? It helps to cut down on your fat”
My dad yesterday “cut back on sugar!!!”
When I first showed them my scars and posts, they loved me, carefully choosing words.
(Not that I want to go back to being treated like glass…)
Now, I’m the one that’s too fat and stays in her room too much.
It’s not my fucking fault that I want to not be shamed for my body by my […]
No one really understands me anymore.
I have developing social anxiety (according to the slew of online quizzes) and I think depression (most likely).
I’m afraid to talk to my parents.
My dad’s a psychiatrist he’ll figure something’s up.
Maybe.
No one gets me they all either throw it off as a joke or just…I dunno.
It’s hard.
Death is a lot more….easy…and less painful in the long run.
I used to be OK. I dunno what happened.
Help.
Please.
i dont really
care
or try to
care
i just
panic
and dont
stop.
my social
anxiety
my depressing
thoughts
my suicidal
tendencies
my scarred
arms.
my tired
eyes
my empty
soul
my failing
mind
and worthless
heart.
i hope to be
happy
and not be
empty
but i feel
nothing
except for
numbness.
i cannot
cut
i cannot
hide
i cannot
speak
i cannot
try.
So.
I learned today that my friend (DP) isn’t friends with her best friend from last year (AL). When I asked why she told me that AA, AL, and LW would often talk crap about me during lunch.
She also said that she yelled at them to shut up about me.
When I confided in my other friend (GG, but I’m just going to call her MX), she said she knew.
And that once, DP had to restrain her from beating up a guy (AX) because he was insulting me.
My heart hurts. I love my friends.
<3 BHP
I think I’m getting better.
My life doesn’t feel like a waste anymore.
I’ve made new friends and coming out is so easy.
I look forward to some days.
LW AL and AA don’t bother me as much. They just ignore me 🙂
And most amazing……
I’m happy a lot. I’m happy.
Laughing! IM LAUGHING!!
I smile when I think of something funny or cute.
I feel positive.
I’m getting better.
I know I am.
And thank you all for sticking by me, writing comments to encourage me. I love you all.
I wish that I had my life back…my old old one. Where I didn’t give two fucks about what people thought about me.
Where I mainly focused on making good grades.
But it’s too late now.
I know I don’t belong anywhere.
But I want to stay just to try again. It just seems right to me, I guess.
Now I’m overweight (I think), bisexual (not a bad thing!), unaccepted, and my grades are dropping somewhat.
Can anyone else relate?? Please help!
<3BHP
I came out as bi to my parents…
They took it surprisingly well
I’m not scared or anything anymore, but I still like staring at the wall 😉
I still don’t like life.
<3
I like to spend my nights before I change into pajamas and sleep staring at the bookcase in front of me.
Behind locked doors is where I can finally be myself.
I take so many steps to avoid being caught, yet I WANT to be caught so badly.
I want to protest to my parents that I’m fine.
But I know how that always ends up.
No, Mom, you can’t help me by taking me to a therapist.
No, Dad, it’s not entirely about you.
No, Fucking-Useless-Guidance-Counselor, you can’t do anything.
You can leave me alone and let me be.
You can let me be myself.
You can let me stare at the ceiling and […]
Um.
So I’ve somewhat patched things up with LW. Apologized and got a response back. Came out as bi. She hasn’t told anyone yet.
I kinda get why she was a bit rude to me.
She had friends that didn’t particularly like me, and you want to be on the same side as your friends so… I get it.
I’m not that likable – I guess I try too hard and just yeah…
I’m not the best company if one is trying to climb the school’s social ladder.
I can seem like an attention-seeking bratty *****.
I’m lazy as fuck
I can be really emotional but hide everything and come off as cold […]
So apparently LW is mean because i was mean to her but i was only joking and *screams* im so confuuuuused. i dont know i can barely type this with anything im tired and someone help me. ugggh i just wish i had the courage to kill myself already.
-BHP
So LW’s mutual friend with me AR knows im bi. So now LW does, but AR didn’t tell because she was sworn to secrecy and can keep a secret better than anyone else I know. I just don’t know what to do, this is going to go around the whole school, f**k up my entire life. I’m just weak inside. I want to smile, but my friends say I look sad and spaced out most of the time. I just don’t… AGGGGHHHHHHHHGHHHHHHH. My internal monologue used to be full of happy little bubble things like “YAY! YOU GOT A GOOD GRADE!! CELEBRATE BY STUFFING YOUR […]
I’m mourning the weekend. The two blissful days that I can not worry. The two days I only see family, but they all love me. The two days I can pretend I’m not being bullied, that I’m straight and perfect, even though they will probably all accept my bisexuality. I’m so open here. So able to just push through and let all my feelings out. I feel accepted here. More accepted than anywhere else. So this is not just a post to mourn the weekend. This is also a post to say thank you to all of you for just taking the time to read […]
I’m pretty sure I’m ready to give up. I’m always tired, and I idiotically blurted out to my dad that I was always stressed out and now he keeps trying to make me tell him. Obviously, I refuse. My friend is trying to encourage me, and MB – you’re wonderful but I can’t be the BP you met in third grade. I’m getting nowhere in life, still getting bullied, still bisexual, though I don’t mind that as much anymore, and still pretty much worthless. I don’t know what to do honestly, I’m ready to give up. Honestly – I’d love to kill myself. I have […]
I hate everyone around me, my sweet cousin who loves me i hate, everyone seems to be laughing at me they all seem to hate me, a crush who will never love me back because she’s straight and another who will never love me back because of who I am. Also. Does anyone know besides sleeping pills, which are best to OD on? I want to leave and never find my way back.
-BHP
I’m numb. I’ve become numb from pain. My social studies class who will constantly plague me. My confusing sexuality. AL and LW and AA – the people that will never stop bothering me, just like the rest of the world. Honestly – I hope they find this, or that someone finds this and tells me they found it and embraces me but I will not feel it because I am numb. I’m going to start putting my initials in hopes that someone will find this, someone that I know, someone that will help me (that’s not my guidance counselor, because honestly, he did nothing – this […]
Death Will Be My Savior. Death Will Be My Savior! DEATH WILL BE MY SAVIOR!
I have to try again, right? Can I? Is it possible? Is there anything to get me out of this fucking hellhole? I’m trapped. My friend has ditched me in favor of this HORRID girl who I will refer to as AL. AL doesn’t hate me or anything, she’s just so fucking mean. My damn life means nothing. I’m just waiting for Death to come and save me, because I don’t think I can go on much longer. But maybe I’m not important enough for death. Maybe Pain will come and I will begin cutting again. Frankly, I deserve it. A bisexual, IDIOT girl who […]
My life is one twist after another. Dammit, I was happy yesterday, now I’m feeling down. There’s a ridiculous rumor I’m dating this horrible boy, even though everyone knows it’s not true. I almost started cutting again, and my guidance counselor is no help, I just nod. I can think of a million reasons to just stop swimming. Sorry Dory.
I can see there are these beautiful roses ahead of me – in the form of the three friends who accepted me without question, of my amazing 20-year-old aunt who is telling me to take it slow but accepts me, and in the form of my blooming confidence in who I am. My life is traveling upwards like the first leg on a rollercoaster – slow and steady, all the way to the top. I can’t go down now.