I am fully awake and the noise is starting to die out. All the distractions are finally clearing up and that’s because i know exactly what i want to do with my life. Everyone around me is still trying to distract me by telling me I should do this or that I shouldn’t do that but I don’t budge anymore these days. These days i realize that we all have our very own unique agendas. Some people are trying to become famous celebrities, some are trying to get rich, some are trying to explore the world, some are trying to live small, some are just […]
You know what’s amazes me. Knowing that we have control over ourselves yet not actually having control. I personally feel this way everyday. There’s always multiple decisions i have to make everyday I’m alive and sometimes I knowingly choose the wrong choice. I choose to stay up late despite knowing it’s gonna affect how i feel the next day, I choose pizza over a healthier option, I choose to waste time on YouTube over getting some fresh air, I choose to cower from silly fears despite knowing how illogical the fear is, etc and yet I have total control. I chose not go out today, […]
It’s about to happen. I can feel it within me. The next phase is about to commence. I feel a great ache for growth. All the things i couldn’t do. All the things i didn’t do right in the past put me into a paralysis as soon as high school ended. And for 3 years time has just kinda went on its own. I feel like I’ve watched myself go through these past years in 3rd person view….almost as if i was in auto-pilot. Emptiness from realizing that things could have been better had i just not been so depressed. If i could have just […]
I take it offensively when sombody says that verbal abuse is worse than physical abuse. Their argument is that it causes their emotional state more harm than physical. My problem with this statement is that it implies that the physical abusers (usually parents) randomly and simply start punching, scratching, pushing, throwing, etc without saying a single hurtful word. The abuser is hurting the child regardless of what form of abuse it is. The emotional side of it is what hurts the child the most because it’s like they said bruises can heal but I’m not gonna pretend like my physical abuse wasn’t accompanied by verbal […]
I am the son of two legal immigrants living in the United States of America.
This is why I have always felt out of place in school as a Latin-American. It’s very intimidating for me to be in a room with mostly whites. Not because they are mean or bad people but rather because they’re different from me. The way they talk, the way they joke among one another (still don’t get chuck norris jokes). And by now many of us know that as human beings we are afraid of the unknown. I was raised in a home where I was raised around a mexican culture. […]
I’ve been making dramatic improvements in my ability to function normally in terms of going out in public around strangers like in grocery stores, restaurants, etc. I have less anxiety these days but i still feel the anxiety and that’s what makes me feel like i will always have this feeling. It’s been 8 years and i still have it. I’ve been facing my fears lately and every time i do it i get kinda scared but i do it anyway. When I’m done with these simple tasks i discover that it wasn’t so bad but i wanna get to the point where these silly […]
I’m super scared but I’m gonna do it anyway. My body is aching for sunlight. I don’t care anymore, I can’t keep this up. I haven’t been outside in so long that I’m nearly going insane in this small apartment. I don’t have anywhere to go in particular but I think a simple walk outside should be good for me.
I was watching a documentary on hikikomoris in Japan and i can’t help but think that my lifestyle is closely related to that of a hikikomori’s. I haven’t been outside in 5 days. I haven’t really seen anybody but my mom who comes back home late at night. I’m 21 years old and I’ve recently quit my job because i got fed up with rude customers and my co-workers who love teasing me. I stopped going to school because being unemployed means not having any money to pay for school. I’ve just recently ran out of my own personal money. So now I’m living off […]
My mother could’ve and probably should’ve done something sooner. I know for a fact that things would’ve been better had she just acted sooner. My father was abusive and manipulative yet it took her 13 years to realize this. Either that or fear got the better of her judgement. I don’t hate my mom, I just hate her inaction and how things took so long to change. My teenage years along with some of my childhood years are so empty thanks to all the BS between my parents. I sometimes think I should’ve called the cops myself. But i couldn’t even do that back then […]
I just recently bought some beer at the local grocery store. So how come i get dirty looks from other customers when i buy alcohol? They give me this look like I’m doing something very, verywrong by buying alcohol. I’m cool with them being cautious because i do have a baby face so its understandable why some might be concerned. However that isn’t my problem. As a matter of fact I’m a cashier at a grocery store too and i card baby-faced people like myself all the time just to be safe. My problem is that society often assumes everyone who drinks is up to […]
Today was Christmas Eve and i am somewhat sad because all my co-workers seemed to hate how cheery i was today. I’m typically always happy and in a good mood no matter what day it is but for some reason it irritated some of my co-workers today. I work at a grocery store as a cashier and so it was super busy today but i didn’t mind. After all, who wants to be served by a grumpy employee on Christmas Eve? I know i wouldn’t appreciate it if i went through some cashiers line and got dealt a mean attitude. I understand being a cashier […]
I hope nobody hurts my mom. She drives for Uber and she makes some nice money doing it. I just hope none of these butt-hurt taxi cab drivers do anything stupid that’ll piss me off. I understand that Uber and Lyft is kicking taxi bumpers left and right but there’s no need for these taxi drivers to take out their frustrations on my mom who isn’t trying to hurt anyone. She’s just trying to make a living just like they are. My mom tells me stories about how taxi drivers ***** and complain to her about how they ain’t getting as many customers as before […]
A message to the asshole who will never read this. “FUCK YOU!” i can’t stand assholes like you who believe the world revolves around you. I apologize if your too brain dead to answer a simple question but its my fucking job. I ask if you have a Safeway card and you react like I just asked you to solve the worlds most difficult riddle. Its a simple yes or no question. I ain’t asking you to wipe my ass! Oh and if pulling your card out of your pocket is too hard then why even waste your energy driving to the grocery store? I […]
If you love the earth so much then why do you aim so low? Do you guys really believe refusing plastic bags at the grocery store will even make a difference? If you do then you’re delusional. Human beings are self-destructive by nature. Refusing a bag wont do shit for as long as there are thousands of nukes laying around on this planet. If you wanna make the Earth a “Greener place” then you’re better off planting a shit ton of trees and plants in your backyard. But simply refusing to use plastic bags doesn’t actually solve jack shit. You yourselves know you’re in the […]
And the DMV is taking their sweet ass time to send me my new ID. It sucks because i wanna drink some brew but i can’t because every store is rejecting my temporary ID. Oddly enough it only worked once and it was on my first try but every time after that the cashier has rejected me. Off course i don’t blame em, I still look like a f***ing kid. Now I haven’t tried growing my facial hair out so maybe I’ll give that a try. But by the time i grow out my beard I’ll have my new ID so thats pointless. Anyways am […]
Why am i afraid of love? I enjoy talking to her and bonding but for some reason i can’t allow myself to get past a certain stage with women. It’s like the initial spark is easy to take in, however i can never make it something serious. I always cut myself off from these connections naturally. Its not because i want to but i do it because i fear of what it could turn out to be. The tought of being in love with somebody sounds nice but it also scares me. I think I’m afraid of allowing myself to be happy with someone and […]
I guess facebook and social media is where all the deep shit is. I just created my first facebook account and i saw all the shit my family members post and some of it surpises me. Its not even just family members but also old friends. I am shocked by their distrust in me. They have all these problems going on and yet they can’t talk to me about it in person. They wanna go tell their “homies” first before i even find out about it. Which naturally begs the question what the hell am i to them? I am their brother, son, friend. So […]
These last couple of weeks have been super upsetting for me. I don’t know if this is a senior citizen thing but i have been interacting with some of the most disrespectful senior citizens I’ve ever met lately. They say the rudest shit ever. And they really try to get me upset. It seems like its on their daily agenda to piss me off just cuz I’m young. I’m 21yrs old and for some reason they target me as someone to bully. I say bully because i can say some horrible things back but i choose not to because i dont like doing that. I […]
I would never allow myself to take up that position because i feel it defeats the purpose of why I’m good at it. I don’t like helping people emotionally because of a paycheck. I love helping others up because I don’t like seeing others suffer and if i can help for free then i will help for free. I don’t want the sufferers money in exchange for a helping hand. I will give you a hand when you need a hand and you wont owe me anything. I just want whoever i help to be happy. Another silly thing about being a “licensed therapist” is […]
I’ve spent a good chunk of my adolescence depressed so now that I’m not it feels weird. Almost as if my happiness isn’t meant to be. I’m happier these days but it feels weird. Maybe its because I’m not used to positivity yet. I feel a sense of personality disorder. I’m all cheery around people these days and it feels like i shouldn’t be this way due to my past. I guess this is part of changing my ways. I get embarrassed being seen by others who have known me as dark and depressed back in the day. I know i shouldn’t care what others […]