Again, I spend so much time wishing this was over. The only actual reason to be alive is for my mum. I have one online friend, 2 others I’d say are acquaintances.
I don’t even like using the word friend, but I know I’ve used it before, and this person considers me to be their friend (who the heck would want to be my friend? I’m an idiot…)
Those 3 people will be completely fine without me. One has a boyfriend, another seemingly has a few friends, and another, I’m not really sure of.
I had a chance 2 years ago to not screw up […]
Ugh I’m probably just annoying this person I’m talking to online, and another I’m talking to online, and my online friend. I seem to have pretty similar views on society as one of them though.
I want to go. I sound like a broken record. Everything is completely pointless. I like mum, I don’t really care about much else. I wish I had never been born.
I don’t like how society is anyway. It doesn’t help that I’m a mess.
More often I see people posting about on various sites things like: “we slave ourselves our whole lives and then we die”
“society tells us to […]
I wouldn’t mind this…
Knowing that my ex is going after married women is a great birthday present (sarcasm).
Someone told me. I’m better off not knowing about it. I’m not really surprised but idk… I think going after married people is sleazy (unless they somehow all agreed to polyamory).
It would be easy to think that I’ve dodged a bullet. Women going after married men are just as bad.
But yeah. Happy death day more like it. I plead for this suffering to end (not only because of my ex).
If you are somehow a regular reader of my posts (I’m sorry if anyone reads them) […]
my ex was right, I am useless and nobody cares, not even my friend. I’m sure my friend is getting tired of me and is sick of me, and I can’t blame her, she has much better friends, she’ll be ok. I’m sorry that I waste her time (not her words).
Only reason someone would care is out of pity or they want to make themselves look better, like himself.
I just want him to stab me to death and all will be over.
I don’t want anything.
And it will make me happy that failures like me are dead. I know he’d want that, […]
Does anyone else believe that dead people can awaken from the grave or awaken from ashes, as in, their soul can arise from those ashes, and they’ll be walking around?
My dad’s dead but part of me believes that he’s actually still alive… he probably wanders around at night and goes back to where his remains are…
Sorry if stupid post
This is just making everything worse. One assessment per week and must get everything right. I don’t even want to ask my teacher any questions because she will probably think my questions are stupid.
I literally can’t get my mind off this course. It really seems like too much.
I wanted to do part time (and I chose that) but this freaking feels like full time.
Don’t even know how to answer some questions (don’t know the answer). Don’t know if my current answers look stupid.
And a few assignments involve making video conferences with others.
Thinking of faking my death to my ex and quitting […]
Not suicide related
What is complicated algebra doing in a pre test for maths and English in the course I’m about to do?
Unless the course itself contains this algebra, what is it DOING HERE?
I can’t even figure out how to do it.
I hate this shit.
This better not be in my actual course or I’m going to fail for sure.
Going by the subject matter and the name of my course I don’t see where the complicated algebra will be.
Do people even use this in their daily life? (Unless their job requires this).
I can do most other things in maths but not […]
Not suicide related
I really really really really want to be gone. You know you’ve got no purpose and no point in life when you feed your money into a poker machine over and over again.
Or play keno all day.
Sorry don’t mean to boast about money here. At this rate I’ll soon have none anyway.
Can’t help but think that the people working where I gamble think I’m the biggest idiot ever (here is a fact though: workers in such places are not allowed to comment on individual gamblers. Workers have been sacked for telling gamblers that they are addicted, another was sacked for […]
Not suicide related
The world has gone to shit. It already was. I suppose I will throw the question out there, does anyone really think that governments and politicians actually care about you?
And question everything, and don’t believe everything the mainstream media tells you.
I wish I could be gone. But again, I help care for my mum. I really desire to be gone though. There’s nothing here for me. The world isn’t going to get better anytime soon, if ever. I’d never want to leave her really, nor would want her to discover me dead. But yeah, dying is too difficult anyway for me, […]
Not suicide related
It’s hard not to feel like scum….
I think I’m done with life (I’ll still be here though, reasons…)
Like, I’m just fed up with it. I don’t enjoy anything. I only pretend to. Well that’s not entirely true, but I don’t enjoy anything substantial. I like some music for example, but this won’t make me like life lol.
No interests, no hobbies, not interested, pointless.
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing
Nothing.
– Sleeping for hours
– Going out, getting a coffee, mindlessly browsing shops, may or may not buy things
– looking up random stuff on laptop/phone
– just sitting around outside, etc
I wish I could go sometime next year. But for the 10000th time, dying isn’t easy and I have obligations anyway. I’m actually enrolled in that course now. May or may not end up doing all of it. I figure I would I’m alive for that long. Not like I have anything that I like doing in my life anyway. I’ve overall had a good enough life. Not to gloat, really…
I’ve experienced the glorious […]
Not suicide related
Great. I asked a valid question about the course and they (training provider) don’t even reply. But they replied to other things, quickly as well. Now I’ve submitted all my enrollment documents on Friday… so have they even looked at them yet? Maybe I’m just such a joke that I shouldn’t bother studying.
I may not end up doing the whole course anyway. I mean, if I even begin the course… if it interests them to look at my enrollment………………….
I hope they are just really this busy! Doubt that though.
Maybe whoever sees my emails is laughing at them behind the screen…
Not suicide related
Well. I agreed to study a course early next year, or maybe a bit earlier! Hopefully there’s room for me (online course).
If I dislike life so much anyway, I guess there’s no harm in doing this. I’ll have to see what happens with the world in the coming months. Still don’t and (won’t) like where it’s going.
Only thing that annoys me is the workplace placement part, although I can understand needing to do that.
I don’t know if I even want to do this. But ok, whatever.
Not suicide related
I thought my ex was going to rent his own place ‘one day’. I believe he would have enough savings to move right now. I don’t really think he’s serious because he’s not even looking for a place. His ex friend offered him a 2 bedroom apartment last year, and he declined. Someone his family knew were in talks to offer him a place last year but that someone changed their mind, apparently that someone was indecisive.
Then again, Toronto is extremely expensive, so unless he rents a rundown dump, he isn’t getting his own place 😛 And of course said ‘rundown dump’ […]
I don’t see myself being around for another year (external reason I won’t directly mention here). When I see this topic mentioned in the media it just feels me full of dread. Again and again. I’ve been spending more time with my mum lately, as I know I don’t really have much time left. This isn’t a world I can be a part of. It’s not a world I can understand.
(If something drastic changes and I like the change, I’ll change my mind)
I should try pretending being really happy. Might make my days a very tiny bit easier. Even though I’m miserable inside and everything […]
Not suicide related
tiny insects in my room, cockroaches in the microwave (moved the microwave outside). CLEAN YOUR MICROWAVE, FOLKS! Mine smelled like food, no wonder they went in there. The clock area is warm too and they like the warmth.
I don’t have the capacity to deal with insects and no I can’t afford a pest person. Oh and a slight ceiling sag that’s been there for a while. I told the landlord, if they are interested….
I’m not a very good example here but from so many things I’ve seen and read online, a gigantic multitude of things can go wrong for anyone. Life […]
Not suicide related
I’m full of hatred, inside. Of course, I just hide it.
Clearly my neighbours have decided to hate me for no reason. That’s probably why my neighbour hides in his car (these units aren’t very soundproof) and makes calls about… us (me and mum) to others??? Right???
My other neighbour occasionally throws stuff over our fence.
My other neighbour tends to play loud music at night and has loud gatherings.
One of the other neighbours was playing ball in a patch field of grass and said ball ended up our yard a few times.
Small towns, you know? Everyone can just talk crap about […]
All I really do here is mostly complain. When you feel it inside, and question your existence… WHAT AM I DOING HERE?????
I was getting my eyebrows waxed the other day and the woman asked ‘so what have you been up to?’
I answered ‘not much’, and there was a brief pause.
I really haven’t been up to anything of note. It’s the truth. I’m sorry I didn’t have some super exciting story to tell.
-_-
Technically I’m only around for my mum, she’s dependent on me to some degree. Yeah well, I have no SUBSTANCIAL interests, hobbies or talents. My life has been mostly crap but I have had some good moments.
Don’t agree with all the covid stuff (I’m not denying that covid exists though). Anyway I’ll leave it at that.
And I’m not made for this life (like many others) 🙂
EVERYTHING SUCKSSSSSSSSS