viola

but i can’t.

the fear of failing again will make my parents yell at me and then they’ll be extremely angry and disappointed (instead of understanding) and they’l just go back to the same old shit they always do. No one ever understands (my therapist and my psych do but it’s been a long time since I last saw them). Teachers don’t really understand. No one ever does.

Why are we still forced to study useless crap we’ll never use in the future — if there EVEN is one. There shouldn’t be school anymore because the world is turning to shit and we’ll be dead sooner […]

I want to believe in this quote. I really do.

But each day in my school makes me feel that there really isn’t anything worth fighting for. I probably became less patriotic than I already was in grade school compared to now. My country is shit (but less shit perhaps than Venezuela or something).

What am I even fighting for now? Why am I pretending to care about everything when in reality, all I care about is…nothing. I just want life to end peacefully. I don’t even know what true happiness is like.

I want help. I want to drop out of school, even if I’m supposed to […]

out of anger and stress (due to school) i told my boyfriend id kill him because hes the only one stopping me from killing myself so if hes dead i can kill myself in peace but what the fuck right!!

i said sorry so much and i said maybe itd be better for us to break up but what what what i dont wwant this to happen again fuckuf ukcufkcu fuck!!!

i let my anger take over me again

i just want to die

please

he wont break up with me and now im afraid i will actually end up killing him even though thats not what i would […]

Hey, so I posted a supposed suicide note a couple of days ago. Fortunately, I didn’t go through it because I slept after breaking down for a few hours and taking care of my dog.

Sadly, an acquaintance of mine has passed away. Yesterday? Today? I’m not sure… I’m still recovering from my break down from Tuesday. Some people say her body was found somewhere in my school, near some trees. You know the drill. Very disheartening, indeed. Of course, you’ll hear the regular “I’m just a message away/I’m here for you” posts of speeches, though one of my teachers said it in a way […]

there’s too many projects and schoolwork and i want to and will try to kill myself. i’m going to jump off the highest floor of my house or maybe hang myself. yeah. sounds great. i keep getting colds due to all these fucking schoolwork anyway. might as well just literally die.

turns out there was a fucking project due this week and i never knew. i. never. knew. we have this rule (that teachers dont give a fuck about) that we should only have two major requirements due on a day, but the things teachers give are minor requirements that take half a day or something […]

Hey guys, I’m back.

I’m not sure if the people I knew are still here, but I really hope they are. You are all wonderful persons.

2016 was a rough year for me. 2017 didn’t improve much.

I’ve attempted suicide around 8 times, most of my attempts this year. Several injuries, failed tests, some crappy teachers, social media, and my dad. All of these have contributed to my shitty health.

I’ve gotten injured 4 times within 12 months. The fractures were the worst. I went to the beach and I would cry myself to sleep every night from that point until my mom found out I […]

I feel slightly happy that I didn’t kill myself, as I wouldn’t have seen tons of great things (followed by a horde of crap that I didn’t like). I learned how to do some forms of art (calligraphy and watercolor painting) in the summer and I got to make one of my close friends happy by giving him an autograph of one of his favorite singers by surprise on his birthday, which was a few weeks ago. However, I don’t really see that much improvement from how I was last year. I wonder what kind of bad shit life has in store for me now, […]

It’s been some time since I last posted here and I don’t think I’ve made that much progress on recovering from my depression. In fact, I’ve made two halfhearted attempts to kill myself, which is by drinking a few random pills. I’ve become somewhat distant from my parents, one main reason is their political stance on my country’s president right now. They voted for him because of a desire of change, even though it was evident that he was misogynistic, racist, and selfish. They keep talking about him during dinner time and praising him for all his decisions, which include killing of drug addicts, which […]