To the people who I want to apologize to the most, I’m sorry for everything. To the goddess I wounded, I never meant to hurt you. A combination of paranoia, ignorance and anger caused what was once warm to become so cold… Was I scared you would melt me yet didn’t I want to melt deep inside? To melt inside you and to feel my frozen heart thaw in your warmth yet why did I cast that dream aside! I thought you were my ticket to paradise, to be released from this cage I don’t know how to escape from. Now, you will never forgive […]
*sighs* How annoying. The moment when everything comes together perfectly and when my blind rage finally ends is when she decides she wants nothing more to do with me… I’m even going back to my old personality with more patience. The personality that caused her to like me in the first place. Oh well, guess it can’t be helped and I’ll always regret being too slow to escape my anger.
Apparently, I’m going to scare Shatterediris away (his words, not mine) due to my “new” personality. So this relationship is now doomed to fail… I wonder if that makes me scarier than a bunch of spiders […]
I’ve reached the point where I’m ready to act… It’s a shamme my ex thinks I’m a sadistic bastard who gets off hurting her… When I am the type of person who forgets what they did yesterday and feels betrayal when said ex is angry for something I don’t even know is real or a dream.
Since I’m too weak to let go of the hope that maybe I can win her back now. I know I fucked up and gave half-assed attempts thinking I was ready but I’m fully-prepared now. If I can’t be forgiven than as a way of giving us both peace, I’ll […]
Heh, my ex talks to me, only to tell me she wants nothing more to do with me… Sure, we’ve been in a cycle of: I feel slighted so I insult her out of anger issues stemming from who knows where then I tell her I might kill myself since I fear there is a high probability I might and then when I finally come back to my senses, we repeat the cycle all over again… Since I’m too busy making excuses to kill myself.
Sadly, this is affecting my feelings around Iris, as well. So, since the last time for my cycle with my ex […]
Does this sound like it wouldn’t taste good to anyone else: a ground beef cookie? A chocolate chip cookie where the chocolate was replaced with ground beef, basically. I’m just asking to see if anyone shares my opinion.
It seems I might have stolen Shatterediris from SP. I want to say it’s not a bad thing but that would be incredibly selfish to all of you so I won’t. I’ll try to help him through his issues with psychotherapy but I can’t promise results. I hope my brief message eases everyone about where Shatterediris is.
*sighs exasperated* I have yet to see anyone as obsessed with pokemon go as him… It’s cute on one hand but on the other, it is an obsession, none the less.
What the Hell am I doing messaging the ex who clearly hates me!? Why am I hoping for one last chance when I know I destroyed my last chance… I wish something would end already: either my existence or this weak, tiny voice screaming out to be saved by her; I don’t care which. I wish I was stronger and could rewind time… Even now that voice is singing, “This Love Never Ends” by Takeda Touhei, even though the dark abyss is blasting, “Not Strong Enough” by Apocalyptica…
I guess I just want to play one last game of tempting fate. No, it’s not tempting fate […]
I don’t know if the story I’m going to tell is actually real or just a really creepy, life-like dream. Anyway, it is pretty messed up even to someone as disturbed as me… Which is saying a lot since I desensitized myself to gore and horror.
The story is my mom was telling me my best friend’s father died on the drive home after we finished up helping at my grandparent’s house. Said friend is the one who lost one of his youngest brothers to cancer only months before. The father died of cancer and the church directly or indirectly caused his death. I can’t tell […]
Since I’m bored out of my mind, I started to use steam. The summer sale started so… meh. Propably get some cute anime games. Since I’m such a loner, guess I won’t bother with multi. Although probably be pretty fun to murder you guys in Dead by Daylght. Wanna see if I truly understand horror villains?
In case you didn’t know, a little boy was killed by an alligator at Disney World yesterday. Disney should’ve said there were possible alligators in the water…
Ironically, I finally got to eat Cajun alligator steak after 2-3 years of waiting to try it only hours before yesterday’s alligator attack. Not trying to demean the tragedy in any way, I just find it to be a strange coincidence. Oh, the alligator tasted great! It tasted like slightly fishy pork and it even had the texture of pork. Maybe we should eat more alligators.
I suppose there is something to be said about knowing someone for most of your life. However, what does it say when you realize how fake you truly are? I’m talking about the self-realization that your words are being puked out instead of being exhaled out. Words shouldn’t be forced, painful and disgusting… They should be gentle, painless and tasteful. The phrase, “How are you?” should never mask anything, lest of all; an apathy. Even though I’m writing down my thoughts to SP, to people who won’t judge me for the horrible things I’m typing, these words still taste like bile! What sort of monster […]
I don’t have any philosophical waxing about how Trump is the Antichrist today. Nor do I have anything interesting to say in my opinion. I’ve gotten so bored I started to play clicker and idle games while listening to Kikuo and such… So, no poem of gemstones symbolizing insanity today. I want to be locked in a coffin and buried 6 feet under…
Does anyone else get feelings of deja vu on here or deja vu in general? Like some new posts were said by the same exact people a months ago. Or is my brain short-circuiting so much that something that happened a hour or even a minute ago feels like it happened weeks ago? If so, should I be concerned that my mind has turned against me?
So, I went with my family to check out the Harry Potter area at Universal Hollywood. Out of slight curiosity, I bought one of those interactive wands, the horoscope wand of my birthday. Although, the British food sucked and the forbidden journey ride doesn’t accommodate tall/big people that well.
As a witch actor told me how to use it, she actually had the nerve to patronize me like I was a child… How old do I look for people to confuse me for a child several different times!? I mean sure, I’m soft-spoken and aloof but still… It’s annoying.
Rant aside, my apathy is as strong as […]
I’ve come to the realization that I will never understand people or connect with them. Yet, I can’t escape biology and instinct…
So, I will save myself the headache and quit this game early. Despite what others may think, this is a logical decision to me. I’ve tempted fate and tested instinct. I don’t have that instinct to survive. If I was on a deserted island with easy to get food and water, I bet I would still starve to death…
Riddle me this: Why does my father think my mother is too blame for my insanity or the fact my brother can’t find a job? He says the reason “we don’t do anything is because our mother babied us too much” and that caused me to become apathetic how exactly? He is the one that thinks beating us would’ve helped… Normally, a mother’s gentleness should’ve translated to me wanting to help others. Instead, I want to watch them burn.
I can’t even fake “normalcy” anymore. I can’t even force myself to give the illusion that I care about my studies. I’m done with pretending. It’s time […]
I’m watching a tokusatsu or a Japanese superhero mini-series about these creatures called Amazons. The Amazons need to eat protein to stay alive but after a period of time, they lose control and start to consume all sources of protein… It is sort of like Tokyo Ghoul in a few ways.
I feel like an Amazon on the verge of going berserk right now… I want to devour others… So…
Can I devour anyone here?
I just had a really weird mental image/clip. You know how in some cartoons or anime, a character’s morality is represented by an angel and devil… Well, my devil just shot the angel in the head at pointblank range then they disappeared.
They later reappeared and the angel committed seppuku (ritual cutting open the stomach) with the devil as the second (person who beheads the person whom committed seppuku.)
Is my subconscious trying to tell me something or am I just losing what is left of my mind? Rocketman, don’t you dare make a joke about how it’s not possible for me to lose my mind… If […]
So once again, sleep is both my seducer and my tormentor. Tempting me with the taste of an eternal requiem for a lullaby but sapping my strength to fall into that eternal requiem, as well. What a cruel mistress she is.
Heh, it’s gotten to the point I even realize that the words, “Happy Mother’s Day” from my mouth might as well be “I hate you and go die!” My mother even saw this hidden tab while I was signing my great-grandmother’s card… I really am an awful person…
Heh, I can’t even write anymore. One thought seems to take a minute now. My thoughts and actions are as fast as a 100-year-old when I’m only a quarter that age…
Oh well, never understood the point of living, to be honest. All these feelings and sensations are just symbols of vanity to my apathetic mind. Besides, I don’t really give a damn if the next president is a woman or Neo-Hitler. Although, it will be much easier to get rid of this Hitler compared to the first one. Humanity will destroy itself regardless of method. That is their fate. Unless humanity can develop something to […]
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