I hate them so much. I know they say they love me but dammit I just want to die. I tried to shoot myself last year but the gun jammed since it was so poorly taken care of. I have a new one and I tried but they locked all the bullets away so I cant just have a quick and nearly painless death. I am so tired. So fucking done. I even tried to write a suicide note, a little letter so they dont blame themselves or anyone else but halfway through I realized that I actually dont care. I dont care what they […]
Chronic Pain
I have these wounds that can be sealed,
leaving these marks that keep.
But the wounds can never be healed,
They were way too deep.
The confidence I lack,
The damage that has been done,
Trying to fight against the attack,
when I am less than one,
I can’t breath at all.
The version of myself I want but can’t be,
Because I put up a wall,
Helping the self destruct that is me.
Im not in control of my own head anymore. I haven’t been in a while. Depression has taken over. I’ve been making friends with it.
I had a great shift at work yesterday then I got home and once I got in my room I just started crying. I HATE CRYING. I never wanna cry again.
I have these small little moments of excitement but its a fleeting feeling. It never lasts for very long
I got screamed at that I didn’t get my mom a coffee when I place an online order, even though I only had enough money in to get my own. She screamed at […]
I hate that i’m always lonely. I hate that I push people away. I hate that I feel like I could snap at any moment. I hate that I have MDD, DMDD, GAD, and ADD. I hate that I hate myself.
ughhh why? why am I here. I don’t understand. Ive got a bottle of rum so I think im just gonna drink to my hearts content until I pass out.
I want to be with someone who makes me feel good. Somebody who is funny and will make me smile. Someone who will be there when i’m down. Someone I can do all those same things for in return. I know i’m not good enough though I am going to be lonely forever.
Depression has ruined everything. when something is peaceful its only for a few moments. Then everything goes to shit again. I get annoyed and start pushing people away. I don’t realize I’ve been pushing everyone away until Im really low. Its the same cycle over and over and over. one big endless cycle.
I had an urge to end it all the other day. I don’t know why I Didn’t.
Im so lonely and I just want a relationship where somebody cares about me. Someone who shares my interests and who will make me smile and laugh. But how can somebody love me when I don’t love […]
all theses thoughts inside my head. all this pain. all these things make me wish I were dead. my brain is destroying myself from the inside out. any stability I had left is withering away. at the moment there is no peace, no happy, no joy. all the things that drive me crazy.
Im never gonna escape the self destruct area because it IS ME. I feel I am slowly and subconsciously destroying my relationship with my mom. I never wanna talk anymore. Talking to people annoys me. Im failing all my classes and my mom just wants to withdraw me from school till next year. I hate high school. Its like there’s instructions in my brain to self destruct my life and I can’t stop it. Im falling towards rock bottom and and occasionally land on ledges that break my fall But its only for a moment Then the ledge crumbles out from under me.
My friend can fall asleep in midst a second, even during our conversations and already at like 9 pm, while I lay awake in bed for hours until the birds start to sing at 4 am. I’m such a night crawler and society screws me because of it. I’d like to see the successful morning people stay up til 7 am like I do *sigh* sadly there’s nothing for me out there.
I’d like a chance to see, whether I’d be happier when living and working at night. Maybe my depression really depends on this. I’m tired all the time, I stress myself because I need […]
I am loosing my mind. I hate high school and I hate people. Everyday is so draining. everybody has been getting on my last nerve. I had to start working less shifts at my job because im so tired. Everyday is the same cycle of bullshit 1.wake up 2.get ready 3.go to school 4.deal with the same annoying people 5.deal with teachers who are in a shitty mood because these kids behave so shitty towards them. 6. go home and get Lectured about how I need to do better. its the same thing every day. its exhausting. and my mom wonders why I drank. […]
I just don’t know. I’m so far behind in school work. I am so behind in everything. I lack a lot of the social skills I need to make it. I am not sure when it started. When I started giving up. I think I don’t do anything anymore because I have already failed the school year, so what’s the point in trying. I keep saying I’ll try harder but I don’t.
I don’t know when I started drinking but it’s become a thing. I realized that I just take whatever I can […]
There was a tale about a boy and a girl. They were both close friends who became closer over time. She was not interested in love or any type of meaningful relationship since she was not interested in these things. But, that guy was a sweet, compassionate, and overall wonderful person who professed his emotions for her over the phone.
She had no idea what he was up to since she considered him as a friend-zoned individual. Yet her feelings began to grow and she was in a steady and matured state. They began conversing and got to know one another better and better. Their love […]
i want it all to end, but i cant. i swore i would help someone with some feelings, but its getting hard to keep mine in check. she does help me, alot, but i cant take it anymore. i feel torn. i need to help her, but i also need to help myself. i wake up and feel a mix of anxiety, depression, and determination. i hate myself, and i want all of these feelings to end. i keep remembering some things that have happened to me…. but then i get a text from her saying “are you okay?” these little things help me; it […]
Let it go. Go ahead. You don’t deserve what’s happening to you but that doesn’t mean you should stop being nice. You can find joy in spreading it to others, and while some may find it fun to bring you down, it slowly destroys their soul. I don’t have anyone to tell my feelings to. Talk with your consciousness. It’s okay, Trust this struggle is part of the process. And trust that as long as you don’t give up and keep pushing forward, no matter how hopeless things seem… you will make it.
Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that […]
I get attached easily and I hold on to things tightly so please don’t let my mind want things that I can’t handle dont let my mind trick me into wanting things I don’t need or things that are not good for me, please don’t let my heart miss people who don’t miss me. Don’t let my heart long for the ones who left. Don’t let my heart fall in love with someone who doesn’t want to stay.
I know you’re plan is un, known but until you reveal it to me. PLEASE make it easier. Don’t let me hold on to what I need to […]
I never knew how much you mean to me when we first started talking. Until today I still love you as, much as I did since you came and confronted I felt like I was the happiest. I just want to let you know how much you mean to me and how much I appreciate you. You never failed to make me smile, Things aren’t getting better ever since your behavior changed, I miss you so much. Having random breakdowns with you on my mind wondering if you’re doing fine. I’m sorry, I wasn’t what you wanted, I’m sorry, I wasn’t the best, I’m sorry […]
I’m so fucking tired. I did what all of these dickshit fucking therapists say. “Do fucking yoga”, “take deep breaths”, “see loved ones”, “eat good”. Shit I’ve done fucking all of it, and I’m still ready to blast my fucking brains out. I’m so tired of this being the constant. I’ve used up all my energy to get to the fucking point I can do all the bullshit they say you’re supposed to, but it doesn’t mean shit when you’ve already attempted a few times. Nothing fucking changes, nothing’s going to until I do myself in or something else takes me out. God fucking damn.
I hope that if my family/loved ones ever see this account or posts etc that they know they had nothing to do with the bad of how i feel. I’m sorry I can’t love them enough to like latch onto their feelings for my reason to try some more.
Today has been a very emotionally taxing today .Laughing with them too the edge off for a while x
Dear loved ones y’all have been awesome and done all you could ,this is all on me. I hope ill get to meet yoy again in better condition ! x you really are special x
My life sucks.
To start off, my mom. Suffice to say my mom is an abusive neglectful stupid sadistic fucking ****. I’d like to say my was abused and an abuser, but quite frankly, my mom is a petty, manipulative covert narcissist and I’m pretty sure she just frustrated every man she’d ever been with to the point that they’d beat on her. Well. Randy, the guy she was with, was probably abusive as well. Shit attracts shit. So either way she got beaten a lot and when I was almost 2 my 14 year old half brother beat my 3 year old sister to death […]
Since I was 10, my birthday wish has remained the same. All I wish for is for mother to die. Overtime, I noticed that it is quite hard for her to die. She is darn healthy all the time, even COVID did nothing to her.
She loves to draw her own conclusion without being informed. She said she knew I didn’t want to pursue my studies. For real, what does she know. Does she know how many nights I spent crying and feeling that I am useless, failing at every attempt I do? Does she know that my social anxiety is so severe that I hyperventilate […]