Chronic Pain

1

jump

I meticulously fantasize of suicide i die 1000 times  inside my head and late at night i hear the wind  I feel the death blows by semi trucks  and I don’t give a shit about myself I want to jump  but then I think about my family  and the people that surround me and i.. […]

1

my crazy life…

October 4th, 2017by hellfire187

hey,

just want to share a little bit of my story.  Sorry for my bad english.

My father is an alcoholic psycho, as long as I can think. He was allways fliping out. I started smoking weed, when I was 12. I was smoking and drinking every day, since Im 16. At this age, I became sick, crohns desease. Every day pain, like hell… Im on opiate painkillers since Im 20. This every day pain breaks my brain. Got depressed after some years of horrible pain. With 25 I started to take speed, meth, cokain everyday use, in weekends mdma, sometimes lsd, alltogether with weed and painkillers. Every …

1

My world exploded into pieces all around me.

4

Not Improving

October 2nd, 2017by blackopal02

I relapsed again today. again…

do any of you ever feel like you will never, ever get better? like it is impossible for you to ever be normal or happy?

that’s exactly how I’ve felt for the longest time… i thought I wanted to get better but maybe deep down I don’t… i just can’t… I cant get better and I cant really explain it better than saying my body just wants to continue to sink and linger in this hole of depression.

i think this could be because of how I am.. no one as sensitive or as pathetic as me could ever exist normally in this …

4

Endgame: My List of Objectives

September 30th, 2017by AKidWithAName

Your endgame is death. You have no real purpose in living. You don’t have any objectives in my life, and it’s been suggested that you make some. Find something to do, anything.

 

While you are alive, your objective is to make yourself as scarce as possible. Help others. If harm is to come to anyone, do everything in you power to make it come to you. You are unimportant. You are an extra, you can take the fault. You are disposable. Take the blame unless it is beneficial to others.

 

You have no grand dreams or imaginations. You don’t want to be happy. You don’t want to …

10

So… Suicide.

September 25th, 2017by TheLastReaper

I don’t know when all of this started, I just know it keeps getting stronger by the day.

I was never the one to believe that you have to tell others your problems, never thought of mental health as something real, I just thought of it as something you make to yourself, because you are not strong enough, or smart, or pretty enough, a weakness if you will, and I still do.

I didn’t have the baddest of childhoods, nor the best. I was bullied since I was a kid till I finished high school, but I kept going, knowing that something better was waiting for me …

11

Relapse.

September 25th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school …

1

The War

September 25th, 2017by breaking_the_cycle

On the edge of the battlefield

My mind falters

The asperity of self hatred

Bearing down on me

You knew this day would come

A time to pay for what you’ve done

Hopes crushed, dreams lost

In the stain on my hands

My cold pale heart

Buried next to you

The walls of this prison

Built with pain and sorrow

The fantasy revoked

Like my lease on life

It’s time to return

To where I belong

To the darkness that consumes

The emptiness that beckons

The pain that eases

My attempts at life

A joke in their own right

So douse this flame

With the strands of infinity

Hang me out to dry

Soaking in regret

The taste of failure

Fresh on my lips

A web of confusion

Clouding my thoughts

Nothingness closes in

This …

1

window distraction

September 23rd, 2017by vee

these last few days have been really weird. the number of times i’ve left my room is in single digits; i can’t seem to bring myself to leave my bed for some reason. still unemployed, still being a failure, still not doing anything, still complaining.

i don’t know what to write, but about 5 minutes ago i was sitting on my window and had a feeling i could do something not very nice so i guess typing whatever is better than that.

3

Sin.

September 22nd, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

“Wanting to die, is a sin”

Our English teacher read that line. I was in shock. I could hear people whispering and laughing. No one seemed to care. How could she say that? How could the author of the book write about that? How do they want people to admit that they have been wanting to die when they are being taught that it is a sin? Telling us that, would only make us wish we were dead already. We have already got the sin, haven’t we? Why wait around and collect more sins by thinking the way we do?  Wanting to die isn’t a choice, …

1

Relapse.

September 22nd, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Ever since school started I haven’t been posting since I barley have time to breathe. I visited the hospital about 2 weeks ago since the headaches and chest pain proceed. The doctor gave me pills for a week and immediately checked my oxygen level thinking it had something to do with my asthma. After we left the hospital my parents gave me shit not only because the doctor said it was nothing but also because I forgot my identity card at home. I’m starting to forget things for some reason and I want it to stop. If I keep on forgetting things I won’t be …

3

my life is a mess

September 19th, 2017by iamdarling

i’m ugly.

i’m untalented.

i have no friends.

i haven’t attended school for two years.

my family are abusive.

 

 

my life is a mess, and i can’t clean it up.

i have nothing going for me,

and i am going nowhere.

i’ve ruined myself and my life.

 

10

I’m so desperate and useless

September 17th, 2017by Kiwiz

I look like a spoiled brat keep flinging throwing paper, punching on the table and burst into tears, my mom asked me “What happened? Fill her in.” I said because my TSI reading score is appalling and I cannot pass the TSI reading test. I don’t like the TSI reading test because it keeps bugging […]

24

I’m too short

September 17th, 2017by asperger rebel

Hey, guys! I realized why people reject me. Because I’m a fucking midget. I’m just 5’6, shorter than average white girls. Now I understand my miserable life. Girls don’t want me because I’m too short, these bitches prefer tall and strong guys. How can I make friends with this height? People would laugh at my face. Girls would laugh if I ask them to hang out with me. You see, my life sucks. Elliot Rodger was right, he was short too, and white girls rejected him all time. I’m suffering the same cruelty from women. What can I do? Slit my throat and end my fucking life seem …

1

The time when everything stopped permanently

September 17th, 2017by LastMonths

Once there was a glee good boy who had everything he ever wanted a complete family with normal days and a normal life. Until one day his father decided to fuck everything up leaving them without any fucking clue as to where,what,why he did it.

The boy tried to find his father with her mother helping her to move on in the process, but the boy was stuck in time he was in a permanent loop of asking why.

Then came the days we call everyday life for him it was hard and he was trying his best, then one day his drunkard uncle beat him down …

1

Within

September 14th, 2017by breaking_the_cycle

Nipping at your heels

The nothing that steals

Seething, breathing

I can’t stand this feeling

Manifesting itself, in the hidden shelf

Of your mind

The hellscape in yourself, that you find

Real or not

It’s coming

Ready or fraught

Never whole again

Time stands still

The nothing that you feel

It’s like you’ve been here before

The blackness within

Fruitless battles rival, original sin

It’s so deeply ingrained

You can’t wash away the stain

It feels like you’ve slipped away

You know you’ll never sleep again

6

Ugly

September 13th, 2017by blackopal02

I pinch my fat in the mirror and wonder, why? Why is this still here? Why am I not strong enough to stop eating or at least excercise more to get rid of this horrible thing? Many people say I’m “thin,” but they are just saying this. My thighs are thick, my stomach is far from flat, and i can’t stand to wear anything revealing, even in private.

I can’t stand to look at my face in so I try to avoid mirrors. Why is my nose so small, my forehead so big, my eyebrows so light, and my mouth look so weird and stupid, especially …

1

rambling

September 12th, 2017by vee

it’s been a while since the last time i posted anything here, but right now i feel like i just need to type stuff out.

lots of things have been happening lately, the biggest thing being i moved. i was okay for a while, feeling pretty neutral, which at this point is great. but it’s only been getting worse for some reason, nothing significant has happened. i’ve been feeling very weird these past few days though, i can’t feel anything. it’s like i’m numb for some reason? yesterday i met a youtuber i really admire and i thought i’d be so happy but i didn’t feel …

7

No Escape

September 8th, 2017by blackopal02

Do you ever actually have a good day for once, and then it takes a sharp turn?

 

i had had a decent week. People had actually talked to me, I slept and ate better than usual, and I didn’t feel as bad as I normally do.

However, I came home today and it slapped me in the face. Depression.

“Why did you think you could escape me, you pathetic fuck? You will never be normal, you aren’t allowed to feel “happy.”

I stagger up but depression shoves me back down, towards my razor blades.

“No one will ever fucking love you. Those people you think like you, are …

4

Tiered of tiering

September 7th, 2017by The End

Don’t know why I’m posting on this. I’m just tiered of being tiered I’ve got zero friends and I’m too stupid to do anything special with my life. I’m ok with being a loser, but I’m tiered of it, I’m tiered of having the same conversations in my head, and I’m tiered of people just ignoring me. I’ve never had anything good happen to me before and I’m not hoping that something good will happen cause I feel like I’m meant to suffer I guess. I’m not looking for a pity party I’m just so beat from life just hitting me with bad karma or …