I tell myself, one more step, every day. When I wake up, I think, just one more day. I try to keep my mind on one day, one moment, at a time. Because when I begin to let my mind drift, I start to slowly drift away. Sliding into an uncontrollable downward spiral. I cannot keep living my life through the small window I have allowed myself. I feel as if I am completely alone. My boyfriend, is gone. Our relationship fell apart after I lost our baby due to a miscarriage. My rape case against my father has been dismissed. So, he is on […]
Chronic Pain
I am so lonely that I don’t know how to deal with it anymore. Been like this for 6 months and it’s getting worse now that I’m at my parents’ house. I miss my ex even though our relationship lasted like 2-3 months. Sometimes I wonder if I miss him or I miss the feeling of being in a relationship.
Hi to whoever is reading this, maybe another tortured soul stuck in bed? Maybe we can be friends. Spent all day yesterday typing a solid goodbye letter. But I just don’t have the guts. I really want them though, those courageous, wonderful guts. 6 years of nonstop pain, dealing with a crazy, probably narcissistic mother who throws fits like a toddler, zero support, PTSD from being sexually assaulted, 27th birthday coming up, poor, blah blah blah. If anyone thinks they have the answer to this Q feel free to share: why/how do you keep living when you have nothing to live for? If I had […]
… But I’m scared of failure.
Will I be paralysed?
Brain damaged?
Fail and I’ll be watched and not able to reattempt.
………………..
Vent.
I have mental health, undiagnosed… But imo it is severe.
Vent.
I’m almost 26. Literally everybody I’ve met this year thought I was 12.
When I was 15…. Everybody thought I was 10-12.
You get the picture.
I’m paedo bait.
Not everyday you get to legally “bang” a “12” year old.
Lost count of the times middle aged men have tried to prostitute me and continue on to tell me they thought i was 12-14.
Walking home today with my mum and her partner and […]
My Parents Should Have Never Met suicidal urges are getting stronger
Seriously, they hate each other so much that they can’t stand being in the same room together. Me and I know my brother is screwed up from witnessing this bad marriage. They both always put us down. It was always about them showing how they could get us to behave or negging us until they got what they wanted. Control Control Control
My dad is so into himself, and deep down inside I resent my mom. She created this co-dependent relationship. I’m forced to love her because if I don’t then I’m a bad person. Maybe I don’t hate her as person, but she sucks as […]
The perfect solution to already tortured souls is to torment them for all eternality. Sounds Good to me O’loving God. Who wants a marshmallow?
Sounds like a good idea?
I go to cheap motel and drink a glass of drano.
I never wanted this. I should have had a career and kids, but no. The world doesn’t want me. Maybe if I beg enough, I might get some table scraps or some peanuts. Dance monkey, dance.
I know it’s the stupidest thing ever. Doesn’t matter, if you believe God or not just do it, or better not, come down here, and operate on me, and rip these son of bitches out of here, and even better, kill me by ripping my heart out or something. Pray that my ovaries with all my eggs catch on fires and that any guy who lusts at me may his dick shrivel so far that it ends up next to his anus. I’m serious. The world might be a better place, maybe you might save some lives.
I got into an argument with my dad and […]
I don’t know what to do. I’ve never felt so lost in my life.
My ex boyfriend broke up with me two weeks ago. Because we lived together, I had to move out. Two days ago, I found out I was pregnant. When I told him about it, he stormed out and basically told me he wants nothing to do with any of it.
I’m so miserable. I wake up and go to bed every night miserable and I don’t see a logical path of it getting any better. Last night was the closest I’ve ever come to killing myself. The only thing that stopped me was […]
Yesterday was my birthday, things weren’t looking up so I took about 20 of the only over the counter sleeping pill my parent’s had (they don’t take much) and I swallowed them down with a soda. I though it would be a peaceful, surreal, almost lovely experience, but as I sat outside on the hammock I started to feel dazed and tired, my body just kind of bobbed around for a few minutes, I thought I could just lay down and drift, but the feeling only intensified, and though its what I wanted, naturally my body responded negatively to the effects of the pills, and […]
I don’t write much because it takes my phone forever on this site to type on a post. Infuriating!! Commenting is easier. So my post is in comments below.
after years of suffering, it’s getting good at last.
i think i’m feeling happy and it seems to last for a while. the question here is, why did God tortured me like that?
i know that the day would come that everything will turn upside down again and i will feel down and suicidal -since no happiness is everlasting and no sadness, too- and i think that i’m not ready for that day.
i definitely feel stronger than before all these things happened to me – i don’t really want to say what i’m referring to by “these” – but i don’t like the idea of being put […]
the longer I live
the worse I get
A fate that can not be avoided. A fate that I do not wish to fight against. A fate that I look forward to on a daily basis.
Not a single day goes by where I don’t think about just ending it all, and the more I think about it, the more rational to me it becomes.
I’ve fantasized about the moment vividly. Fighting against my survival instinct, finally succeeding with my desired method, and just waiting for the inevitable end. I’ve even gone so far as to imagine people’s reactions, as well as an afterlife that may or may not exist.
To me, everything is pointless. There is no […]
I wish I could stay here…
However, talking to you all and reading
All of your stories…
Makes it harder for
Me
To Stay
…
I’m always going to be falling
Apart.
And yet, I post this and you people try
To make me stay…
Yet that decisions isn’t yours to make…
I try to make wishes to stay
…
I have so much going on I have a feeling that
I won’t make
It to the end of summer,
Unlike what my friends
Want me to
Do…
Even though
We do nothing together
They make it harder for me to stay…
Alive…and well and a whole bunch of random crap…
My life is
A
Bunch
Of
Random
…
Crap…
Nothing to see here…
I’m done…
Just
Plain
Done…
Sorry Farah
(Yay, I fixed the internet on my computer. It seems to be connecting well, and is moving faster. I did everything I could such as restoring it to its default, restarting the computer, and even got my dad to check it out. He wasn’t able to fix it. All I had to do was update the security, clear all browsing history, and most of all disable the proxy server. Now, I don’t have wait for long periods for a page to show up, or have to keep reloading the page because it didn’t show up. Hope it stays this way.)
By society’s standards, I am a […]
Recipe for Steamed Cordless:
Take one chronically depressed citizen with disability/mobility issues. Ensure subject is single and lives alone.
Add one week of humid temperatures in the high 80″s and mid 90″s.
Coat with sweat and despair. Mix well.
Add garlic breadsticks.
Serve with antidepressants and mood-altering beverage of your choice.
I need a short break from this site. I’m starting to get so OCD or too obsessed about it that it’s making me rip my hair out. Yes, this web-site relaxes me, so the break won’t be long like two days max. XD I got contracted myself. Plus, the internet is getting slow, so I need to fix it.
Topic: If you have requirements to attract a certain person, you need to look in the mirror, if you want to know why if aren’t attracting them. BTW, dating preferences do not make you a bigot. I’m not desperate for anyone, and do feel like I’m throwing […]
today i, once again, was welcomed by a quiet house; except it wasn’t. they’re avoiding me. as soon as i opened the door, i heard whispers. a lot of them. now they’ve stopped, maybe they think i can’t hear them. although i quite like arriving and having time for myself, i don’t particularly like the fact that, even though they’re still awake, they’re pretending they’re not. it hurts a lot, but whatever; i can’t blame them. i’d pretend to be asleep all the time if i lived with another me, so i can’t really blame them.
the whispers have started again.
although i’m not 100% this time […]
it’s hard to tell what i feel when my brain doesn’t want to work. i’m starting to get tired of people thinking i just choose to not sleep. it doesn’t matter that i’m extremely tired from working, i still can’t sleep; yes, even if i just lay in bed with my eyes closed. family doesn’t seem to understand that, but whatever; i think they just don’t care that much, and who could blame them.
tomorrow hopefully will be better; as i say to myself every day. still waiting for the day it’ll come true.