Chronic Pain

4

Maybe, I just need to jump… (to my death)

November 28th, 2017by Urm8451n

A lot of time has passed since I wrote here.

My last post was about “Tips and good bye”, but I came back.
I’m suffering from abdominal pains each day, and it has become more and more harsh.
I’m trying to study, but I can’t concentrate. Where ever I go, I feel isolated. It is not socialy isolation, it is different. I feel different.
I can’t explain how I’m doing, I can only say I’m cracked, I’m fully torn apart. I’m all alone in this war and I don’t FEEL like I can make it through, I need help, and I HAVE NOWHERE TO GET IT FROM.

I’m a fighter, …

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5

My story if anyone cares

November 28th, 2017by Max

2

Oh

November 26th, 2017by deerdezz

ups and downs, ups and downs
so much has happened in a year..both good and bad that i sometimes still find myself waking up if any of it was real.
and now i feel that feeling again. not necessarily wanting to be gone but not against my time being up. wondering how someone like me could be allowed to stay here when i feel so foreign to the world.
Like im not even human at all but desperately want to.
When the fog settled in and anxiety already hit its peak i left without saying a word.
I started out walking. I thought getting fresh air …

1

A year has

November 22nd, 2017by DepressedFilipina

A year has passed and I still have the same problem as I was a year ago.

The only thing different is now is that it’s not just emotional pain but also physical pain. There are times where I can’t breath. Sometimes I have back pains, body ache, dizziness and head ache. I’m not saying its about my depression but the thing is, this sickness adds up to I’m feeling.

I thought I could escape this through some people entering my life but unfortunately I can’t. They made me felt special, yes but it was just a glimpse. I felt it but just for a moment.

 

 

3

ocd

November 20th, 2017by iamdarling

my ocd is at an all time high, and i have no idea what to do about it — please help?

3

It’s bad for me, but it makes me happy..

November 10th, 2017by lonelylostsoul

Yeah.. I uh.. I have started drinking beer. 4% of alcohol, but it still counts. I know. I f*cked up really badly. So badly that my only true friend threatens me that she’ll abandon me, just like that, if I don’t stop. I somehow find a way to f*ck up everything I can.. I just wish I f*cking killed myself when I had the chance to.. I just don’t want this life anymore.. I am only alive right now, because if I killed myself, my only true friend would too. Only because of that. No other reason. If it wasn’t for her I’d be dead …

3

Future Plans

November 6th, 2017by asheunderwater

Recently, things have been worse than normal. More family issues, issues with my lover, my so called ‘friends’. It’s alright though, I won’t be here much longer. Hopefully I’ll only have to endure a few more months of this hell.
I have three plans in mind. First I’ll try and get my hands on a gun. It’ll take awhile, I either have to crack the code on the vault or have them trust me enough to get me one for ‘shooting practice’.
If that doesn’t work, I’ll plan a time to sneak out with a bunch of liquor and pot and go to the railroads. If I …

10

Can we talk about mental health care providers real quick?

November 5th, 2017by greyghoste

A.k.a. how fucking useless they all are? The only thing mental health care providers have ever done for me is make me feel like they’re exploiting my mental illness as an expendable source of income. 0% helpful. 100% scam. And yet everybody swears by them while I am absolutely convinced that the mental health services are pseudoscience. They don’t give a SHIT about me unless I’m paying. And then they have the audacity to take the $200 I managed to scrape together to try and get some real help, and tell me to fix it myself. Fuck all of you, I hope you all burn …

1

My Suicide Note Was Addressed to You

November 5th, 2017by greyghoste

Even after every day you didn’t talk to me. Every day you told me you hated me. That I should leave and never come back. After every day I tried to say I was sorry for my shortcomings, and every day that you never forgave me. Every day you never apologized for your own shortcomings, for the bullying and the heartbreak, for every time I tried to share my life with you only for you to throw it back in my face. Every day you told me I looked like a whore when I put on make up when I didn’t feel confident; every day …

4

Rock Bottom

November 5th, 2017by greyghoste

The worst part about finally achieving the happiness and contentment that you’ve always dreamed of is feeling it slip through your fingers. Feeling the hand that had found purchase in salvation lose its hold and force you back over the edge. Feeling the safety harness around your waist and in your chest snap. Feeling yourself slide down the steep slope you’ve fought your way up for years. Feeling your fingernails tear and bleed as you fight for purchase on a cliff so smooth you can see the scratches you’ve made reflected in your own face. Feeling your body hit the ground so hard you’re not …

6

My whole f*cking life..

November 5th, 2017by lonelylostsoul

So.. there goes my story I guess.

I am currently 14 years old. I am a girl. That girl that’s always there for everyone, the girl that’ll help no matter what. That girl who’s always ‘happy’. Or at least, I am the one the others want me to be. I’m always smiling, always laughing, always joking around. But no one understands how much I just want to kill myself. Why you ask? Well.. First of all, I’ve been dealing with depression for over 2 years now. And it’s not just depression anymore. I have a few more personality disorders. I also have anxiety. Yes, I have …

0

Valid

October 31st, 2017by tentoone

We get so locked up in ourselves. Closed off. Hiding. Who we are, what we feel… For me, happiness has always been the scariest. Most obviously because it is generally so fleeting; and, falling always hurts more, the higher your climb. But, also because when someone sees what makes you smile, they invariably learn what makes you cry.

It’s a sort of evolution of isolation until we are so far beyond knowing how to express ourselves, we forget how to let ourselves feel at all.

Please never be ashamed of your tears. Or laughter, even if it seems inappropriate. Everything inside you is valid.

0

seems like my best isn’t good enough

October 31st, 2017by vee

I’ve been wanting to go back home since the first night i spent here. Back then i thought we’d bought a ticket for me to go back after around six months, so i wasn’t all that worried. Though my mum told me in January we got a one way ticket. I was a bit upset, but thought, “i’ll just have to get through it and then i’ll go back”. But now, going back has been written down as probably the biggest failure. There’s such high expectations that i simply cannot meet. Everyone asks me what i want to do and why didn’t i …

2

She was there…

October 28th, 2017by tentoone

When did I decide to live? Why? I remember the cold steel of ancient sewing scissors pressed against my skin. Then, the twin bite when I lost myself for a moment, awakening to find I had embedded them in my wrist. Hot and desperate. Overwhelmed. Do we not all experience that at times? Like being driven by an inner force. A manifestation of true desire, perhaps? Something that is not so easily released and shared with others. I wonder.

The trailer was filthy; there is simply no other way to describe it accurately. And, not merely conventionally dirty, but a kind of diseased wrongness which even …

2

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

October 28th, 2017by niki

Virtual Reality ( VR ) , Artificial Intelligence ( AI ) , Transhumanist / Transhumanism , space travel , mutations : to escape this boring reality , boring real world , boring real life !

Human’s imagination is better than reality !

Movie / Movies is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Game / Games is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Comic / Comics book is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Novel / Novels is better than boring reality , real life , real world !
Science fiction ( sci-fi ) is better than …

2

I’m just trash

October 24th, 2017by Lostsoul_20

All this stress from not wanting to be alive anymore, to fake friends , no real emotional support, my rape, my rape case going up into smoke and having to still continue living when my suicide attempt wasn’t successful has been weighing me down the whole year. Today for two minutes I find some kind of solace, or peace that felt was the closest thing to feeling celestial I could achieve (considering I don’t believe in God, heaven or hell). Then I find out then I’m about to flunk out of school and that numbing misery is re-injected into my soul to disinfect the small …

4

So you survived.

October 20th, 2017by vooder

It’s been nearly 5 years since you crawled into that basement expecting to die.

You’re 26 now (an age you swore you’d never see). You’ve met some cool new people over the past 5 years. You graduated college, got a job, and moved into your own apartment. You adopted a cat, and she’s become your best friend. You’re off all those meds now, and you feel stable, comfortable even. You haven’t self-harmed in 3 years. Your parents are finally proud of you.

You’re still lonely (and getting lonelier with each passing year). You’ve lost some old friends, due to distance or death. You had a mental breakdown and …

1

Forgotten Feelings

October 20th, 2017by kellinandrew

I have a lot going for me. I have college ahead and an amazing boyfriend. He gives me the world and loves me more than anyone else has. I know that I love him. But it feels weird sometimes because I go through these moments where I don’t feel anything and I don’t like it. I love him more than anything but when I feel nothing, I am so mean. I forget that people have feelings and I lash out and act like a flaming ****. I hate it but when I’m this way, its like I’m moving through a daze and I am just …

1

There are so many why

October 18th, 2017by suedamundo

Why do people bother so much with those who seek to do good in the way of their lives? Why do those who seek stay on the right track need to suffer so much and have their personality attacked? Why do people have to end up with those who seek to be righteous?

There are so many why.

2

Suffocating

October 18th, 2017by Poemsfornoone

Suffocating is how it feels. I am drowning in every breathe I take. It’s not getting better, maybe for some of us this is the best it gets. I am not a genuine person, I lie so people don’t see me. I lie so people like me. I lie so people don’t see what a colossal fuck up I am. To the people I am myself to, I feel like a burden. Like they’re only my friends out of pity. I am pitiful. This anxiety makes me weak and it steers me into making bad decisions. I don’t blame anyone or anything because I know …