Chronic Pain

2

Much more than sadness.

  May 22nd, 2018 by strawberrycrown

I have so many problems and things wrong with me it’s hard to keep track. I know that this site is for things to do with depression, anxiety, suicide or similar things, but this one is more about other things I struggle with and could maybe find others who can talk to me about it.

So basically it all started that I was born 6 weeks early, a tiny underweight baby who “died” and got resuscitated or whatever 3 times. I mean, bad start right? Well, since then I was sick in hospital for a few months and then still sick after that, just in my …

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38

Chronic pain

  May 22nd, 2018 by Agonizing

I had one injection of antipsychotics 4 months ago because of malpractice, here’s the outcome

  • I have anhedonia, i literally cant feel pleasure or reward , instead there is anxiety, restlessness, nausea
  • My inner emotions and thoughts are in constant unrest
  • I can’t play xbox for 5 minutes to relax, the unrest dominates every moment
  • Music doesn’t give me an inner good feeling, I feel rubbed up the wrong way by anything stimulating  and pleasurable
  • I compulsively ruminate nonstop trying to turn back time to I spend hours in bed trapped in my mind
  • I cry everyday like I’ve just lost my family and the

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5

Idk.. Just drained mentally

  May 20th, 2018 by I.beg.for.mercy

Hi my name is anonymous.. Anonymous because I will be a forgotten memory one day eventually.. Knowing my name or who I am will not matter 10 to 30 years from now..
A forgotten memory only because I wont be around for people to keep up with who comes and goes..
When I do pass I dont want no crying.. I would like a open comment no rules on whats said about me..
maybe it will cure their hate or whatever knowing im no longer breathing..
To be in the ground, tossed.in the garbage or even burned in a tire burn..as long as I give those freedom …

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2

Lost needing advice

  May 20th, 2018 by Username101

I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head.  I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I …

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4

history

  May 15th, 2018 by iamdarling

each and everyday is a part of my history, a history that will be with me forever. unfortunately, i know that forever, i am going to look back on these years of my life and all i’m going to see will be an ugly kid with mental illnesses and no friends, just, wasting her life away. i want my history, i want my past, present, and future, to be happy, i want to do something worthwhile rather than just doing this wasting. uhm, yeah… this is not really what i imagined my life would be like.

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4

I hate

  May 13th, 2018 by PurpleCrystal

I hate
I hate who I am
I hate my black skin
I hate my curly hair
I hate being tall
I hate what I have between my legs
I hate being transgender
I hate not being normal
I hate not being able to be good enough to have friends
I hate the town where I live
I hate being brazilian
I hate my life

But I would love…
To be dead

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6

I’m dying

  May 11th, 2018 by why949

Every thing hurts and I just want to cut. I’m sorry. I feel like everything is just falling apart and I want to tell my mom I have depression but I’m afraid to. I really need a hug and I’m 98% sure no one would miss me and school is getting worse and worse. I stole some pills from my medicine cabinet and I don’t know if I want to take them or not. I’ve been drinking isopropyl alcohol in hopes I’ll get sick enough to go to the hospital and not have to go to school again. I wish I was dying. But doesn’t …

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15

Hard to live harder to die

  May 9th, 2018 by Agonizing

 

So far in 2 weeks I have tried to hang myself several times, I have tried the helium hood, I have snuck into a 5 storey block to contemplate jumping off. I now want to die at home by drugs overdose, hopefully I can get hold of the drugs and not suffer too much in the mean time.

I’ve noticed my fear of suicide always varies, sometimes I freak out at the thought of killing myself, other times I only feel a strong urge. I wonder what it will be like to take a suicide pill, will I go into a fearful panic once swallowed or will …

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3

How to write an effective suicide note.

  May 3rd, 2018 by Heh

I’m going to do it I just need to know how to let people down easy. I really can’t stay here. Any ideas on what to write for my mom would be amazing. Thank you!

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5

I almost killed myself

  April 29th, 2018 by Clownfeet

Last Friday I nearly killed myself. I have been spiralling worse and worse over the last couple of years. 2 years ago my best friend killed himself, and it has amplified and set my pre-existing depressive feelings out of control. I have been cracking down the last couple of weeks, drinking heavily and doing drugs. On Friday I got really drunk and split off from my friends. A few hours later, at around 3a.m I walked toward the local river. I stood on a the bridge over the slight drop into the water, just looking at first. It was very pretty. Then I started thinking …

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3

He Doesn’t Know Me, And I Love Him

  April 27th, 2018 by Koda

Before him, I was empty. I was alone, devoid of light. Every day getting harder and harder to breath. I was sinking in an ocean of darkness…sadness.

Then I seen him. Its like my heart was stumbling over its feet as it was racing around in my chest. I winced at this unfamiliar feeling. My ears cried with joy as his warm, silvery voice flowed through me. His eyes grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to the surface. I could breathe again. But it hurt.

When he looks at me, its like my soul gets torn to pieces. I yearn for more.

He hurts me. Why …

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2

How do I do this without hurting people?

  April 26th, 2018 by Heh

I can’t stand the thought of my mother, or family walking through my bedroom door and seeing me there lifeless with blood pouring from my body. I know there’s other ways… but no matter what they’ll find out… that it was me who did it. I don’t want my mother to ask the what if’s. She will always blame herself. Other lives and feelings are worth more than mine… so if I have to carry on wanting to kill myself every second just so everyone else is happy, I will. But it’s so, so hard to do and I can’t fucking do this alone anymore. …

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1

antidepressants

  April 24th, 2018 by abyssus

I wonder whether I should retake my antidepressants because I know deep inside of me I don’t want to be a part of this world anymore. I feel like if i retake them again they will kinda give me false hopes and acte like a robot. Sorry for my broken english i’m not an english native speaker.

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1

I can’t stop my mental illnesses please help me!!!

  April 23rd, 2018 by chickenlil

I feel like an asshole I let my emotions get to me, my fear crippled me like a sick child with polo. My thoughts run wild like horses in the night with no one to tame them but the morning sun. I sit here and I feel guilt, shamed by how I acted, sickened by the reflection in the mirror. I guess I’m so use to getting hurt that I just expect it from anyone anymore so my head tells me these lies as I wonder off in no mans land and believe these whispers that I’m told like an evil Ventrillquist who plays with …

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7

the only one who cares

  April 15th, 2018 by iamdarling

well, unfortunately, not a single soul truly cares about me. i need to understand that. that the only one who cares about me, is me.

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Close to a decade of sp and 3 of mental illness

  April 14th, 2018 by deadmanliving(hopefullyhopeful)

HELP ME GOD PLEASE I AM TOO MENTALLY ILL TO HELP MYSELF. IDK IF MY PRAYERS ARE GOING THROUGH BUT IVE BECOME SO MUCH MORE SEVERLY MENTALLY ILL IDK WHAT TO DO. THANKS

Signed

Someone Who Loves You

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5

Reality is boring ! Real life is boring ! Real world is boring ! Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress !

  April 14th, 2018 by niki

Reality is boring, Humanity/Mankind must move beyond money & politics for real progress.

Although technology have been progressing rapidly nowadays, yet sadly in many aspects, Humanity/Mankind/Society still have slow progress; Everyday is still the same day & problems over and over again repeatedly.

I believe that in order to make a real progress for Humanity / Mankind, we must quickly focus & do the followings:

1) We must move beyond money & politics. It is outdated. A lot of problems in this world today basically stems from these two root causes (& also superstitions especially in religion, as well as in Ignorance & Stupidity due to failure in …

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1

More motivated…..

  April 12th, 2018 by Urm8451n

My heart is on the floor around, and the sickness that has haunted me all my life, is taking a human form.

She [the sickness/disease ]  is crawling to my knees to keep it’s weight on me, she doesn’t want me to move forward. At this time all I can make, is thoughts.

At times like these I like to gather my self into a greater form. I like to heal the wounds by giving them reasons and justifications – I’m walking alone, but I’m the one who is paving the path. Healing the woulds is something to be done with mind only.

But….

but the wounds keep coming …

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0

Daily Fees

  April 7th, 2018 by XLondonDeathX

 

I WAS (less than 32hours long) getting to a spot in my mind that the “bill was going to be paid”….not dying…but that my grieving was actually a good thing. I was dancing with my toddler, jamming some tunes & *toons*, some other songs by different artists. & when it was naptime (about 2 nap (for lil one &1 nite…well a MOST the night sleep) i would let the sad out. I went thru some pictures of my oldest…. sadly I don’t have many. but I was building the mindset that *my grieving*….makes me a gud mother.

Cuz WUT kind of mother wouldn’t?

I was setting aside time for myself kinda like the *penance of the catholic* punish myself with guilt, & thoughts of “what if’s” & “I’m stupid, I should’ve tried HARDER”

& when it came time for me FOR my toddler baby…. we’d watch movie or a Netflix.

I’m not Christian now….but as a child (5),  I was baptized into a small schoolhouse Catholic church lol 2 room building. But we was jammin to some Kirk Franklin…coloring a teddy bear poster.

Then the PTB (powers that be) must’ve realized “usefulness was being found thru the pain”….. cuz….

….Everything fell apart @ about 9:30last night…..

I have to go….

I’ll be bk to finish….I PROMISE.

No one will hack THIS, I promise. Ppl’s issues are safe…..plz don’t ban me again. I’m sry for WUTEVER I did….but can admin please help me kno wut I did to be banned.

It was the day b4 yesterday, April 5th 2018….closer to 4pm when I tried to sign on: put email & then the CORRECT password 1x…the screen shook, & went to a weird page…..??

Said page had tiny words something about I was *currently blocked*

Then something bout an “admin in error could….”

Lol….sooo confused.

??

Thanks in Advance.

 

Why? Please WHY?

I trying to be responsible,  & respectable (i *do* cuss alot tho)….only 2 comments on 2 posts & my own comment on the 3rd.

How do I avoid this situation happening again?

ANY help will do

Thanks in advance.

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1

Decay

  April 6th, 2018 by gothinabox

My life is going fine, but my mental state is deteriorating.

I feel myself getting more and more paranoid. I keep getting weirder and more horrific intrusive thoughts. Some of them I can’t even say. Some of them are ones that make me do odd things, like, “If you don’t wash your hands for exactly 20 seconds you will kill everyone in the world.”

My depression and anxiety are getting worse. I’m relapsing constantly in self harm. I want to cut deeper but I always end up pussying out of it, out of fear of receiving more pain than I want to give myself.

I feel like I’m …

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