Chronic Pain

3

Holy f**k!

September 4th, 2017by disgusting

It’s been a long time. A lot has happened. I started having pain in Jan-Feb this year and found out I’ve got arthritis on the level of an 80-90 year old and I need my knees replaced within this year. Of course I can’t get that because I’m on state care. It’s rapidly degenerating and I face being in a wheelchair unable to do anything for myself. The nerve damage has gotten worse and I can’t feel anything but PAIN in my hands and feet and it makes it hard to wipe my ass just because it’s so painful to hold on to the toilet …

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2

Cutting relieves pain

September 3rd, 2017by justbecause

Karla destroyed my heart, hopes, dreams & confidence so badly that I started working a song:
You told me you wanted to grow old with me,
You threw me a way like yesterday’s garbage,
You crushed my heart,
You destroyed all my dreams,
Now I cut with a knife and
it makes everything all right

You caused so much distress in my head that I can’t sleep,
Now I cut with a knife to make everything all right

I cut with a knife and it makes everything all right,
You’ve hurt me so much,
I can cut with a knife
and not feel any pain.

I’ve come to realize for one reason or another I can’t seem to …

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1

And then it happened…

September 1st, 2017by Urm8451n

It was an irritating morning, upset stomach and mind full of dreams. it was somewhere back to 2014, 12th grader, happily passed harsh teenage years, I was never anything special – in my own special way. Didn’t achieve too much, didn’t succeed at everything – “blank normal”.

“BACK in those days” :
I had my own problems: my dad wasn’t supportive or even “there”, even tho all allong he was 20 km away from me. Didn’t look good, was sick with horrible sickness, couldn’t find love, didn’t had time to go out with friends. Had avg grades even if I tried to get better. argh…. Regular teenage …

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1

i relapsed

August 31st, 2017by iamdarling

i don’t know why –

today has been relatively normal, i went out for a bit, and there was some arguing – but, nothing out of the ordinary…

all i know is, i was just watching tv and somehow my hand creeped up to my eyelashes and started to pull… and pull…

once i -properly- realised, i thought to myself, ‘the pleasure will last short of a second, then you will regret this for months.’

yet, i continued to pull.

after a while, i stopped. my lashes now look sparse, with a few gaps but… it could have been worse, i guess.

 

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3

Right now, I wanna be not alright

August 28th, 2017by Ronin no seppuku

Let me just give up, Let me just let go,

If this isn’t good for me, well I don’t wanna know.

Let me just stop trying, let me just stop fighting,

I don’t want your good advice or reasons why I’m alright…

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1

On how poverty and a mattress may be the end of me

August 28th, 2017by heartlessviking

I notice that anger usually is my path to self destruction. I remember learning somewhere that the default emotion for men is anger. The default supposedly for women is sadness. Anyway, I have male anatomy and anger is my default.

I would be feeling fine if things were working well, isn’t it always the way? The issue comes back to unrealistic expectations, and for once they aren’t mine (or are they?).

I’m back in school, doing a full time load (actually a bit more). If all I was doing was school I could fucking succeed. It isn’t all I’m doing though.

First let’s talk about my health. I …

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4

Almost Done

August 25th, 2017by Almond801

I’ve been writing my goodbyes for a long time. They’ve never been quite right. They start out with gratitude and subtle apology but I get lost after that. I don’t feel grateful or sorrowful. I don’t feel much beyond the negative spectrums anymore. I’ll get brief bursts, like sun bursts through the clouds, but they are gone often while still happening. I have lived for myself but it was empty. I have lived for others and repeatedly failed in it. I have lived in transition while searching for solutions and believing that there must be another way.

Day after day it gets harder to breathe. I …

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16

My Note…. Suggestions?

August 24th, 2017by philly1962

Here is my note, purposefully vague or else it would be a novel.

This is not a suicide note. This is simply my documentation that I purposefully and willfully decided to put a permanent end to my physical and emotional pain.

I weighed all my options carefully, choosing the one that would ultimately be beneficial to all involved. I must admit I went so far as to insure that everyone was angry at me to make it that much easier.

My girls are grown independent women that no longer need the likes of a clingy father in their lives. Therefore, without me around,they will be able to enjoy …

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2

The Unwanted, Loved Baby

August 24th, 2017by Lovebug4142

I was raped the first week of May. By a guy who was suppose to be my friend. He was always nice and funny, but he knew I had some trauma from my childhood, and he took advantage of that. It wasn’t the first time I had been sexually assaulted. I was molested when I was 6 and a few times after that. I tried to forget about being raped and it was taking a toll on me. I was doing drugs and cutting myself more frequently. I wanted and was going to kill myself. Then I found out I was pregnant. What was I …

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1

They are back.

August 23rd, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Lately I’ve ben having these migraines that take everything that’s in me to stand. It’s not new, I used to have them daily until they somehow, the same pain transferred to my stomach. I got it checked out by a doctor long back and he gave me pills and said I was fine to go. Now the pain is back and it’s stronger than ever. I’m not being over dramatic or anything but it hurts to the point where I actually think there’s something wrong with me. Before I got back to my country I got a strong one and I literally cried myself to …

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12

Self-starvation as a suicide method?

August 23rd, 2017by lusi876

Can I starve myself to death in just 20-30 days? I’m 15 years so I do think I’ll need a short period for dying I want to feel that sensation of my body eating internal organs and yes I’m very stubborn and I have a free will to starve myself even all those stomach cramps and slowly after third day it won’t be as hard as it would be. Currently I’m at second day my stomach hurts and everytime I smell food I feel the hunger but my desire for death is bigger than just a one hunger strike. Also at the end my stomach …

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3

Back home.

August 21st, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

Things are back to getting worse. I don’t know if I can proceed anymore, go threw all the upcoming months, get a year older, it’s just too much. I still have to finish high school and I don’t know how to feel about that. I want to escape. Get as far away as I can from this country but in order to do so I’ll have to get a scholarship and because of my background I don’t think I’ll be able to get one. Even if I do get one, I won’t be accepted for who I am, or at least I don’t think I …

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7

Letting go

August 21st, 2017by philly1962

I have always been a failure despite achieving a lot early in life. Sounds odd, but trouble followed me since I was a teen, leading to the bottom I hit, yet again. I have attempted to take my life several times in 20 years. the first time I saw the light and was given a choice to live which I stupidly accepted. The second time I saw the darkness, an empty void of loneliness and despair. Again, out of the darkness came a light that gave me yet another chance. Now here I am 10 years on, and again I realize I do not belong …

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2

Tired.

August 19th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

I don’t know what to do anymore. It’s like there is more than one soul in me. I have to make a choice, either be too kind and suffer the consequences or be heartless and later come crashing down. I could also just stay the way I am right now but the thing is I don’t feel fine. I could never stay like this. Ignoring the way I feel is killing me. I’m just tired and sick of this life. I feel so selfish, I have everything I need to be able to survive yet I’m still depressed. I just can’t go back. Summer is …

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52

You Don’t Know What’s Good For You

August 19th, 2017by Angel of Life

WARNING: It is not enough if you have read these techniques.  You must put actually put the techniques into practice! Everyday we are expected talk softly to suicidal people and treat them as though they are rational and understand how the brain works. They don’t. If you don’t understand that you REALLY don’t know about mental illness and you better read carefully to the end. You are the only one who can fix this and unfortunately you have no training, education or experience to do so, and the disease you have actually tries to stop you from fixing it. I was depressed until the age …

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4

I am a disappointment

August 18th, 2017by haterlivet

One thing i´ve always thought of is that it´s so scary when someone mentally ill and suicidal (me) falls in love. We start feeling whole again. Like we´ve got a purpose, a reason to be here and a reason to start and try.

But one thing that really scares me and hurts me inside to think of  is that; what happens when the person who´s saved me leaves? What happens when the person takes away all the hope and love and beauty and rip out all the stitches they used to put in their partner together again and the broken soul is left worse than they …

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5

Suicide without hurting others

August 18th, 2017by haterlivet

I want to end my life, But i want to end it in a way that doesnt hurt the people around me. I’ve come to learn that this life really aint for me, i tried for so many years to stay strong and fight the pain Im feeling, But its absolutely impossible and Nobody really understands the mental illness Im going through. I dont really like to talk about my depression to a lot of people, Cause they think that Im calling for attention or that its no big of a deal. But i really wish They knew What Im going through

My biggest problem is …

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4

It’s only a matter of time!

August 15th, 2017by Moonlitwaters

I had a surgery back in November 2016 that’s left me in debilitating constant agonizing pain. I developed multiple hernias after a surgery I had back in June 2016. They were incisional hernias. They weren’t painful, but very uncomfortable. I decided to have elected surgery to repair them. I agreed for the surgeon to suture them and then use mesh to reinforce them, so they wouldn’t reoccur. Which was her recommendation. After I came out of surgery I was in agonizing pain and no amount of Narcotics that they gave me could take away the pain. I knew something had gone wrong during surgery, I …

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2

i hate the way i look

August 14th, 2017by iamdarling

i am ugly – my eyes are ugly. everything else about me is fine, perfect, even, but my eyes – they are so ugly.

i don’t know what has happened to them – they used to be pretty. the past few years, they have started to change, for some reason. the only way i can ‘fix’ it is by wearing winged eyeliner and eyeliner on my waterline, and sometimes they can look great, but usually, they don’t. i mean, they look decent, as i’m pretty good at makeup, but two minutes after applying the eyeliner on my waterline, it just doesn’t look as good as it …

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5

I’m sorry.

August 13th, 2017by Eccedentesiastsoul

I’ve been fighting for so long and its time I surrender. I’m sorry I couldn’t be the perfect daughter. I’m sorry I wasn’t born a boy. I’m sorry I’m such a disappointment and I couldn’t be who you wanted me to be. I’m sorry i couldn’t open up about it. I’m sorry I was too weak to ask for help, I thought I would get over it like all my problems, just like you said. I didn’t want to cause more drama since you said I should “get over it and stop being a drama queen”. I’m sorry I wasn’t friends with who you wanted …

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