Chronic Pain

1

  June 3rd, 2018 by Ree1222

I don’t like the feeling that I’ve lost. I’m overweight and it’s not easy finding a method for me. Not interested in a failed attempt and excuse me if all I talk about is wanting death because I never thought I’d turn out like this. I look at my few immediate family members, with a small hole in my heart by not wanting to be here. My body aches, my head aches, I have to work, no close friend’s anymore; it hurts to look my mother in the face because I know she wants the best for me, success in all but I know I …

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1

Why not Vanish?

  June 3rd, 2018 by BenzQoa

             Can I vanish?
Hello everyone, I believe you all know why I am here posting this. I feel empty, loneliness, hopeless. The will to live longer inside me has vanished, I do not wish to live any longer. I have friends, but none has really understood me. I have a wealthy family, but wealthy does not mean joy. I used to be a genius at school, but due to the current situation, I do not have the will to learn any longer. I cannot feel the joy inside me much longer. I just feel like it is worthless to live …

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9

Dont want to see another day

  June 2nd, 2018 by Agonizing

4 months of being reminded nonstop that life is now for suffering not for living. Will not hesitate to overdose when I have the drugs. I’ll get coked up, tripping, stoned and drunk for as long as I can and then overdose on more drugs when Im coming down, give the death a running start. Really cant measure my suffering since february, not had a moments rest, got lobotomized by antipsychotics injections, life is unrecognizable and unbearable.

Was told by a couple people I was the best happiest or most intelligent person they knew, now I’m the most fucked up person i

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2

dead already

  June 1st, 2018 by iamdarling

sometimes, i feel like i’m dead already.

life, is dead already.

i don’t feel fully alive, sometimes.

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25

Massive regrets

  May 24th, 2018 by Agonizing

Can’t stop trying to turn back time to when I made the biggest mistake of my life and agreed to let doctors who misdiagnosed me as schizophrenic and injected me with paliperidone, an antipsychotic, which has destroyed my brains pleasure function.

I took cocaine yesterday for the first time since getting injected, i was unable to feel a thing from it, no inner warmth no rush of pleasure, just a flat bone dry brain. This further confirms it for me, i am devoid of anything nice and good if even cocaine can’t make me feel pleasure for a minute. I was right to attempt suicide for …

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2

Much more than sadness.

  May 22nd, 2018 by strawberrycrown

I have so many problems and things wrong with me it’s hard to keep track. I know that this site is for things to do with depression, anxiety, suicide or similar things, but this one is more about other things I struggle with and could maybe find others who can talk to me about it.

So basically it all started that I was born 6 weeks early, a tiny underweight baby who “died” and got resuscitated or whatever 3 times. I mean, bad start right? Well, since then I was sick in hospital for a few months and then still sick after that, just in my …

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38

Chronic pain

  May 22nd, 2018 by Agonizing

I had one injection of antipsychotics 4 months ago because of malpractice, here’s the outcome

  • I have anhedonia, i literally cant feel pleasure or reward , instead there is anxiety, restlessness, nausea
  • My inner emotions and thoughts are in constant unrest
  • I can’t play xbox for 5 minutes to relax, the unrest dominates every moment
  • Music doesn’t give me an inner good feeling, I feel rubbed up the wrong way by anything stimulating  and pleasurable
  • I compulsively ruminate nonstop trying to turn back time to I spend hours in bed trapped in my mind
  • I cry everyday like I’ve just lost my family and the

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5

Idk.. Just drained mentally

  May 20th, 2018 by I.beg.for.mercy

Hi my name is anonymous.. Anonymous because I will be a forgotten memory one day eventually.. Knowing my name or who I am will not matter 10 to 30 years from now..
A forgotten memory only because I wont be around for people to keep up with who comes and goes..
When I do pass I dont want no crying.. I would like a open comment no rules on whats said about me..
maybe it will cure their hate or whatever knowing im no longer breathing..
To be in the ground, tossed.in the garbage or even burned in a tire burn..as long as I give those freedom …

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2

Lost needing advice

  May 20th, 2018 by Username101

I’m very new to this, suicidal forum.. straight to the point.. It’s not that I am going to or really have the urge to commit suicide. It’s the constant thought popping into my head.  I will catch myself fantisizing of the idea. But these questions always rush to mind. Should I end it? What will happen to my boyfriend, family and friends? Who would show up at my viewing or funeral? How can I make the death fast and 100% effective? I’m not sure why I take the time to give deep thought if I’m contemplating to die.. can someone help me understand where I …

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2

I am a bad thing

  May 20th, 2018 by Triste Foi

I am a bad thing, I think I’m going crazy but I’m too afraid to talk about that to anyone. I am afraid I am going to slowly become something truly awful and dark. And I feel like part of my wanting to die is that I owe it to the world to not make them suffer if I do become something of a monster. You know how when someone gets bit by a zombie so they shoot themselves or something for the greater good of the rest of the survivors and so that they don’t become that? That’s how I feel. I have …

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11

  May 19th, 2018 by Zigzag

I want to go to sleep and not wake up. I just want it to fucking stop.

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4

history

  May 15th, 2018 by iamdarling

each and everyday is a part of my history, a history that will be with me forever. unfortunately, i know that forever, i am going to look back on these years of my life and all i’m going to see will be an ugly kid with mental illnesses and no friends, just, wasting her life away. i want my history, i want my past, present, and future, to be happy, i want to do something worthwhile rather than just doing this wasting. uhm, yeah… this is not really what i imagined my life would be like.

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4

I hate

  May 13th, 2018 by PurpleCrystal

I hate
I hate who I am
I hate my black skin
I hate my curly hair
I hate being tall
I hate what I have between my legs
I hate being transgender
I hate not being normal
I hate not being able to be good enough to have friends
I hate the town where I live
I hate being brazilian
I hate my life

But I would love…
To be dead

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6

I’m dying

  May 11th, 2018 by why949

Every thing hurts and I just want to cut. I’m sorry. I feel like everything is just falling apart and I want to tell my mom I have depression but I’m afraid to. I really need a hug and I’m 98% sure no one would miss me and school is getting worse and worse. I stole some pills from my medicine cabinet and I don’t know if I want to take them or not. I’ve been drinking isopropyl alcohol in hopes I’ll get sick enough to go to the hospital and not have to go to school again. I wish I was dying. But doesn’t …

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15

Hard to live harder to die

  May 9th, 2018 by Agonizing

 

So far in 2 weeks I have tried to hang myself several times, I have tried the helium hood, I have snuck into a 5 storey block to contemplate jumping off. I now want to die at home by drugs overdose, hopefully I can get hold of the drugs and not suffer too much in the mean time.

I’ve noticed my fear of suicide always varies, sometimes I freak out at the thought of killing myself, other times I only feel a strong urge. I wonder what it will be like to take a suicide pill, will I go into a fearful panic once swallowed or will …

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3

How to write an effective suicide note.

  May 3rd, 2018 by Heh

I’m going to do it I just need to know how to let people down easy. I really can’t stay here. Any ideas on what to write for my mom would be amazing. Thank you!

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2

I have nothing to live for

  May 2nd, 2018 by Elijah18

I have nothing else to live for. So far I’m only 15 and I’ve fucked up most good things in my life. I suffer from depression and Ive had therapy but I stopped going and I’m not the medicine type. I go to a really good private Catholic school for academics but I got suspended for drug usage and now my mothers making me transfer. I did terrible first semester so I’m screwed for college, then since I’m a dumbass I did almost the same thing this semester. My parents hate me and I don’t blame them, yea I know I have a couple good …

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5

I almost killed myself

  April 29th, 2018 by Clownfeet

Last Friday I nearly killed myself. I have been spiralling worse and worse over the last couple of years. 2 years ago my best friend killed himself, and it has amplified and set my pre-existing depressive feelings out of control. I have been cracking down the last couple of weeks, drinking heavily and doing drugs. On Friday I got really drunk and split off from my friends. A few hours later, at around 3a.m I walked toward the local river. I stood on a the bridge over the slight drop into the water, just looking at first. It was very pretty. Then I started thinking …

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3

He Doesn’t Know Me, And I Love Him

  April 27th, 2018 by Koda

Before him, I was empty. I was alone, devoid of light. Every day getting harder and harder to breath. I was sinking in an ocean of darkness…sadness.

Then I seen him. Its like my heart was stumbling over its feet as it was racing around in my chest. I winced at this unfamiliar feeling. My ears cried with joy as his warm, silvery voice flowed through me. His eyes grabbed me by the collar and pulled me to the surface. I could breathe again. But it hurt.

When he looks at me, its like my soul gets torn to pieces. I yearn for more.

He hurts me. Why …

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2

How do I do this without hurting people?

  April 26th, 2018 by Heh

I can’t stand the thought of my mother, or family walking through my bedroom door and seeing me there lifeless with blood pouring from my body. I know there’s other ways… but no matter what they’ll find out… that it was me who did it. I don’t want my mother to ask the what if’s. She will always blame herself. Other lives and feelings are worth more than mine… so if I have to carry on wanting to kill myself every second just so everyone else is happy, I will. But it’s so, so hard to do and I can’t fucking do this alone anymore. …

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