Category:
Coping Skills
Hello guys! I haven’t used this website in 2 years and seeing my older posts are quite a strange experience. I came here in 2014 because isolation and depression pushed me to the edge, rock bottom, or whatever. Started feeling depressed 10 years ago! It’s my Sadniversary and I thew up my birthday cake. My birthday was wednesday and I had a violent indigestion, because why the hell not. Well this feeling persists, yet again. The reason I’m here today is because even if I do feel this pain, this need to die, this very heavy weight of self shame and being worthless, it is […]
If you’re reading this, you’re obviously still alive. And to that I am curious to what each person is fighting [to stay alive] for?
+Is it a loved one? And your reluctance on imposing unmeasurable grief?
+The hope of recovery?
+A fear of dying?
+Other?
Me? Its the reluctance on imposing unmeasurable grief. And for that, I both struggle and, too, remain.
I’m sure this question has floated its way on here many times over. Just floating it again.
and you will stay awake
alone and in the dark
for hours on end
waiting for him and wishing for him
while hes sound asleep,
not wasting a single thought on you
and when you finally get some sleep,
he’ll wake up
and his first thought will be of you.
his first feeling will be regret
for not seeing you when you were right there.
do not go back when he comes for you
or you’ll be wide awake,
wishing for him once again
when he re-forgets you.
t.a.-g.n.
Even after every day you didn’t talk to me. Every day you told me you hated me. That I should leave and never come back. After every day I tried to say I was sorry for my shortcomings, and every day that you never forgave me. Every day you never apologized for your own shortcomings, for the bullying and the heartbreak, for every time I tried to share my life with you only for you to throw it back in my face. Every day you told me I looked like a whore when I put on make up when I didn’t feel confident; every day […]
Suicide is somewhat, a peaceful thought for me just thinking about it relaxes me. Knowing that there is always a path (hypothetically) for me to choose. If all hope is lost and i got no over options, i’m not sure if this is a good way to calm down or if it’s healthy for my situation. But something about just planing it out, the note where and how it’s hard to explain. i just feel like that if all over paths are blocked off i always, have that path open for me and that is a relief to know in my mind
We get so locked up in ourselves. Closed off. Hiding. Who we are, what we feel… For me, happiness has always been the scariest. Most obviously because it is generally so fleeting; and, falling always hurts more, the higher your climb. But, also because when someone sees what makes you smile, they invariably learn what makes you cry.
It’s a sort of evolution of isolation until we are so far beyond knowing how to express ourselves, we forget how to let ourselves feel at all.
Please never be ashamed of your tears. Or laughter, even if it seems inappropriate. Everything inside you is valid.
Sometimes, late at night when I can’t sleep, I read suicide notes. Maybe it’s a morbid interest in what people’s last words to the world were. Maybe it’s finally being able to sympathize with a group of people, even if they’re all dead. Maybe it’s my way of preparing for my own note. I don’t know what it is about them, but I love to read suicide notes. I’ve read so many in the waking hours of the morning that they seem to blend together. Like the one from the 16 year old boy begging his parents for forgiveness. Or the one from the old […]
I blame fear for my predicament. Fear to end my miseries once and for all. All it takes is a few minutes of agony and I’m free. For a long time now pain is all I feel, waiting in vain for relief has become tiresome. I have absolutely nothing to lose as I derive no pleasure from life. It’s time to take that bold step and obliterate all my miseries; painful memories and probably be at peace. I deserve some peace.
It’s been nearly 5 years since you crawled into that basement expecting to die.
You’re 26 now (an age you swore you’d never see). You’ve met some cool new people over the past 5 years. You graduated college, got a job, and moved into your own apartment. You adopted a cat, and she’s become your best friend. You’re off all those meds now, and you feel stable, comfortable even. You haven’t self-harmed in 3 years. Your parents are finally proud of you.
You’re still lonely (and getting lonelier with each passing year). You’ve lost some old friends, due to distance or death. You had a mental breakdown and […]
Suffocating is how it feels. I am drowning in every breathe I take. It’s not getting better, maybe for some of us this is the best it gets. I am not a genuine person, I lie so people don’t see me. I lie so people like me. I lie so people don’t see what a colossal fuck up I am. To the people I am myself to, I feel like a burden. Like they’re only my friends out of pity. I am pitiful. This anxiety makes me weak and it steers me into making bad decisions. I don’t blame anyone or anything because I know […]
I’m not a fan of glen beck, but I love Simon Sinek. He has a great perspective here and I invite you to watch this video about a perspective on violence, loneliness, and what we’re doing to make those feelings better/worse. I would like to have an honest, positive conversation (in a judgment free zone) and see how we might take steps to move past these feelings, and try to help ourselves.
Love you all.
-introduction – This is my last post here, not suicidal though.
I believe I have completed a shift from the young boy I was 4 years ago, to the man I am.
I wanted to share some experiences and conclusions of my travel through agony, happiness, loss, and faith. I wanted to give you other users, the tools I learned, from others.
This shall be a post with my final words to this community.
I have completely ditched social media, removed my accounts from internet sites, stopped playing video games, focused on my own personality, and my family’s health state.
Today I accomplish to sustain […]
Good day you all,
This post will include; panic attack, co op failure, overcoming love.
Added bold words to make reading easier and able to jump
edit: Also added conclusions down the page.
start Today I had a great day, studied, and got few compliments, perhaps even started few new social relationship here or there.
It is really nice to start a new page at a university.
But…
change in events I went back home, a friend contacted me, he asked if I wanna go out with him like we did two days ago. Back then [8.10.17] he said “I want you to know that I completely respect you, […]
I haven’t been honest with a human being a single time, in probably 6 years. I dont understand why others dont lie constantly. I guess others don’t really fit into the sick fuck category either. Honestly though, the deep emptiness inside me seems a little “Extra!” Just a constant void ripping every way inside you, constant and cold. I cant imagine actually feeling anything anymore, it seems impossible. My feeling has been turned off for only a few years and yet they seem like surreal fairy tales you’d tell a tired child at night. But dont misunderstand when Im allowed complete isolation from others, some […]
I would define my self strength to bare mental and physical damage as 8/10.
But even though I’m coping with major life defects (depression, lack of money, friendly back stabs by friends and etc) I still am being damaged.
I’m amazed by how fucked you can get when being stressed. I don’t feel stressed, but I’m definitely showing symptoms of it. I’m sleepless. I can’t fucking go to sleep. It started to show up in the last two month and I’m clearly am devastated by it. I would like to get advices of how to cope with it.
Please give my an idea!
Solutions are welcome!
anyhow, stay strong, be […]
Lately, with my mind and experience expanding, I learn to accept more burden and horrors as a road obstacles.
It is as if I’m riding my car through a bumpy road. Sometimes in encountering a fallen tree, or just small pockets.
I learnt to survive by my own, and followed the importance of knowledge. Right now I’m following my plan to use academic education as a “way out ticket”.
I will try to concur the highest summits man has ever seen, only to let myself the relief to live quietly and alone , perhaps allowing me to build a normal family (unlike my ancestors).
I know the road, […]
A while back, I posted how I wanted to kill myself. It’s been a month since I made that and things have gone better. Although, the thoughts have come and gone since then. It’s just a matter of me getting use to everything right now. I still question a lot about what the future has in store for me but I really hope that things will turn out okay in the end.
Here’s to hoping I make it until December.
5 days ago I lost 136 days of being clean of cutting. It might seem like nothing but it took all of me to get past those 136 days. When I broke them it wasn’t like always. Right now, I feel so shitty about myself and I’m in a really bad place. I got through the last school year taking vitamin supplements because the doctor told me to do so. I stopped them about 2-3 months ago and for the past week I’ve been feeling so down and tired all the time. Last night, I slept for the longest I have ever slept since school […]
now i know i have problems with emotionally attaching myself to a boy. currently it’s to this one boy who i have ‘liked’ for almost the past two years. i know i shouldn’t depend my happiness on him, but i don’t know how to stop it.
last year he said he liked me back, but i just told him i liked him again today, but i included that i expected him not to like me now and all he said was “thanks for your kind words”
that fucking hit me harder than it should’ve. now i feel like i can’t work on my school work or do […]