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I can’t rest, my mind in total chaos. My emotions are doing what they do best, running a muck through my veins flowing to my heart choking me with every thought. I am lost unable to process my thoughts. My voice is gone, I’m choking am I alive? My thoughts wrapped around my throat. As my thoughts continue to flow, the choking keeps growing. My heart beat it’s slowing, my body emotionally dying….
It’s been a long time since I posted on here, but I feel like today is a good time to do so. This post might skip and go back in an non-linear fashion, but that’s just me. A few weeks ago, I quit my job when they were giving me a warning for screwing up. The day I quit, I kind of gave up on life once again. Â When I went to my therapist, who is in my top ten people I adore and respect, I lied to him. I stated that I was okay and that I was going to go forward. I had […]
So I started to become chronically depressed which only worsened as I aged. I believe it started when I was 8. Parents are selfish with terrible emotional and self esteem issues who should never have had the right to conceive. To summarize; Mom is a few wire-crosses short of self-combustion. Ego driven, superficial maniac that is incredibly angry and would just scream, scream, scream 24 hours a day. In any other previous time period she would have been taken out back behind the barn and put out of her misery like a rabid dog. Dad has some self-esteem issues, and would basically put me down […]
my soul is broken. I’m so lost. The voices inside my head won’t rest. My tears shed like rain. The storm is wild and cannot be contained. My heart is full of so much pain. I want it all to end. My life is worthless, I am worthless. God why did you create me? Why am I here? Everyday I hope and pray to be taken from this world. 4 suicide attempts all failed. I can’t even kill myself right. My last wish is to leave this world in peace no pain. I’ve had enough, I’m choking on my thoughts. I am lost!!! Help someone […]
Hi there, I stumbled across this site and I really think it’ll do me some good to post my “suicide story” here.
So, I’m 15 years old and have always struggled with depression. Currently, my life is falling apart. Please don’t tell me that “I’m only 15 and I don’t even know what it’s like to be depressed yet” because I really don’t want to hear it. I always have made an honest effort to just keep my head up and try to stay happy but it seems to get harder and harder each day. I’m not a smart kid, by any definition. My grades have […]
I had an appointment with my mental health team again today, or something that resembled that, as it was agnes again, the women who’s job a monkey could do, which sounds cruel I know, but she studied for what three to five years to be a counsellor, yet displays no professional skill, its like talking to one of my mums friends, or some women who just walked in off the street
To be honest I was in a mood, she started off by saying ‘what a lovely day, good day to get some washing out, do you ever hang out washing’ I didn’t reply, so […]
The daisy days go buy, i sit dazed and confused ,laying one with the being beneath me. he hugs me she trust me ,she know i am loyal to her trees, magnificent beings. closing my eyes,I wonder upon the mountain side, so small infinite to the world outside. I love it all, the one thing i could possibly love is her,the song birds sing ,i sigh the wind fills my lungs to saves my cries. Brush the hair of a girl who is so confined, so small to both her and time, I try to just be, love everything she made; including me, be open […]
how could you give someone something that makes them happy and then just take it away from them. Thats not fair,thats just evil
Its all pointless? I have no one anymore i dont even know why im posting on here either my lifes pointless and im done with it all 🙁 im gonna end it now forget everyone just do what i want anyway :/ im done with life and im sick of people always trying to keep me here so they feel better and i dont care anymore all my friends have gone and abandoned me too my girlfriend got taken to a psychiatric center and she probably wont get out so here i am alone with all the painkillers i could find and im DONE goodbye […]
Today’s goal—-act normal, and maybe I’ll feel normal. Robot mode. Tell the doctor everything that’s really wrong, with the straightest face.
I had a dream last night I got sent back to the hospital. It was even more decrepit and bare then the real life one.
No wonder I can’t sleep. If it’s images of the disgusting things that’ve happened it’s images of guns and using them.
But, no, I have to act normal today. Distractions are futile, but I’ll be a robot.
I am hopeless, I have no way out, no where to go. I have tried to get help over and over and over and over and over only to be rejected by the 2 people I am trying to get help from. I stopped working last August. I just couldn’t go on anymore. I have a bachelors of science. Against all odds I make something out of myself professionally. But it has done me no good. I still carry the trauma. I absolutely have no friends and no family. I am completely isolated, some days I think I will lose my mind from the isolation. […]
all of my life i have felt really dumb and i didnt know what to do.it got worst in fifth grade people bullied me and made fun of me i really didnt understand why… until one day i couldnt take it anymore thats when self harming came in…. for three full years i have self harmed and it is very hard to stop. i finally 3 months ago.i never have ben this happy.all of my life…… i was a depressed little girl until 3 months ago.im set free. finally i know why i was depressed because of my past and what i have seen.from a […]
Hm. Maybe less than a week if things go well, and a warm bath with steel will be it. I finally see the light at the end. Hahaha. No one knows no one knows. Lock the door turn up the music and let the water and red run together. Bye bye guilt bye bye grief I’ve finally cracked but now I’m taking these demons down with me! No more jitters no more anxiety no more numbness no more pills no more fucked up brain no more pain in other’s eyes no more no more no more I finally get what I deserve
No more. It doesn’t […]
Once an addict, always an addict… right? So that’s how this works too I guess. I want to cut so badly. I’ll have to go to the store to get some blades and replenish my selection. Seeing my thoughts written down makes me feel like throwing up. Good thing I’m too high to care
Somedays I just feel like finally doing it. Just swallowing that bottle of pills on my nightstand or climbing onto my room and diving head first into my concrete driveway, maybe taking a kitchen knife a locking myself in my bedroom ..sliding it vertically down my wrist. My life is an endless circle of nothingness.
Wake up, get dressed, brush teeth, grab backpack, jog to bus stop, go to my seat, arrive at school, go to homeroom, go to 1st period, go to 2nd period, go to lunch, go to 3rd period, go to 4th period, get on bus, walk home, eat, do homework, get online, […]
I had a panic attack today I never experienced anxiety till this month. It’s been atleast one eveeday now. It really started with a subtle paranoia the small thought that maybe ill fail maybe my friends are lying to me. Now it’s become completely out of hand. I’m encased in lies and dangerous things and I’m afraid to make a move because I’ll fail I know I will. And all the while the spiders that spin their webbed lies that I used to call friends race on without me. I can’t blame them I never let them see my panic […]
Yeah, I want to end my life as well. My reasons are  arm long.  I was rape at eighteen years on the day of my eighteen birthday party by my boyfriend at the time. The same boyfriend would push me against the wall, and grab my wrist with a scary look on his face. ( I left him but he help with my own emo feelings. ) The next year was my senior year. I lost MOST of my friends because one of something STUPID. I learn I had most fake friends then real friends. No one would believe me about the rape. , but […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
Ever since I was a little kid maybe just 5 years old I was always extremely depressed. When all other kids were thinking about growing up, getting a job married etc. the only thing I would think about all day every day is “I can’t wait till I die” I always would tell myself that I won’t live to 18 then I said I won’t live to 21. As a kid my dad was very abusive towards me my mom and my siblings. I have a neurological disorder that makes me grown little bumps on my body. It causes me to walk slightly slanted forward […]
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