General

or take advantage.
I hate humans.
People are such selfish bastards.

i don’t know where my emotions start and my emptiness ends.

all i do is try to find them at the bottom of a bottle. hoping they’ll show up. they never do. maybe that’s all i’m good for, drinking myself into oblivion.

why do i keep putting myself through this? life, i mean. it’s completely meaningless.

‘what happened that makes you want to die?’ ha, like i’d tell you

‘what ways do you think of killing yourself? nice try

‘suicide isn’t the answer’ you don’t know the fucking question

How am I here yet?

It’s been years since I dont want to be here anymore.

I lost the will to live.

Yesterday I cried very much. All this again. It’s been years of this suffering!

I dont believe in life,try again and all this shit.

I shouldnt even be typing this with the fear that hes watching me…. I hope thats just paranoia….

I plan on having 1 more therapy appointment. As much as i hate to, im pushing forward with life and i really dont know why. Thing is, my friend is suppose to meet me there.

The problem?

Where the fuck do i begin.

I guess a good place to start is the first sentence. I dont want to know what my husbands going to say, it honestly scares me…..but thats why i have to do this, right? Because i shouldnt be living like this? I cant let him find out. I […]

It’s been weeks(?). I think about future possibilities and………

Honestly?

I just want to be laid to rest. I just want this all to stop. I just want to take my last breath.

Maybe i should go for a walk…..

Have some alone time with my rope….

Imagine you outliving everyone around you. Watching the people you care about, friends, family, all die one by one until you’re the only one left. Now you’re all alone. That’s why old people are so depressed and suicidal. I’m so young yet I feel like I lived for an eternity. I’m not suicidal all the time but somedays I’m like fuckkkk. I have to do this shit again?

Its not as easy as getting a hobby. Its not as easy as thinking about your loved ones. Its not as easy as just thinking positive. Its not always a matter of looking to god for help.

Sometimes, it seriously takes more work then its worth. And even then, it might still not be enough.

The neighbors to the right of me has been throwing trash into my front yard and into my back yard, as well as constantly tipping over my garbage bins, or pushing it several feet into the middle of the driveway so one has to get out of the car to move it out the way before you can pull in. The asshole has been doing that the last 3 weeks in a row. Garbage day is this Thursday and I bet you he will do it again for the 4th week in a row.

It all stems from back to the last week of […]

I’m sick of turning the other cheek. My whole life, every time I was abused or mistreated, I turned the other cheek. Well, initially I had an anger problem, and dealing with that made me walk away from most fights. I think I foolishly believed in some kind of cosmic or karmic justice, and maybe there is such a thing, but the evidence is piling up that there is no equalizer, no punisher of wrongs, no avenger of the broken hearted and abused.

So this is me, no idea where I’m going to go with this grim philosophy. I’m going to ruin some lives, that much […]

Sometimes it’s not really about pain. Sometimes it’s about time. I’m old. Physically & mentally. I have multiple “health Issues”. Some are Fatal with time. No cures for 2 of them. I’m just really, really tired of being alive. There’s really nothing left. I am alive today, and I will be alive tomorrow. It’s because I cant leave my wife like this. She wants me around along as possible. I don’t think she knows what it’s like to be around someone who dies slowly & in pain. But she has earned the right to find out if she wants to.
I’ve been in situations […]

Lack of sleep is frying my brain. There’s TWO different posts about sleep. -_-‘
I started writing on it in one tab. Somehow I opened a new tab and started writing in there. Published tab#2. Closed tab #2. 30min later I see tab #1 open and thought I had already published it but the blue “publish” button is still there so I thought maybe I didn’t publish it after all. So I click on publish. And now I see there’s TWO of ’em.

G’lord. My brain is fried. And it’s only 9:55AM… -_-
(woke up at […]

Anyone else have CHRONIC sleep problems? I don’t mean have trouble sleeping sometimes or now and again. I mean have problems falling asleep or staying asleep almost every single night, and waking up every morning SO TIRED. And you don’t EVER catch up on sleep.

I’m slowly dying here…
I’m not opposed to instant death, but a slow drawn-out death is agonizing.

It’s killing me. Literally. I have chronic insomnia and I can’t f*ing function. I don’t just mean I don’t sleep well. I mean I literally only get 3-5 hours a sleep a night EVERY NIGHT. For over 13 years. And I NEVER make it up.

I am SO TIRED.

It’s like that Shining thing type over and over: All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.
Except it’s: All insomnia and no sleep make me crazy crazy CRAZY!

Anyone else on here who is also chronically sleep deprived? I mean almost every night lack sleep.

Not suicide related

Well I consider my mum a friend as well, although that’s family (is it weird to see a family member as a friend???)

Sitting here next to 2 of my soft toys (fantasy creatures)…
I have more soft toys than this, though.
I guess they’ll be my only friends…
They don’t annoy me, they don’t judge, they don’t bully…
They’re just there for me, just because.

(Now I’m not saying that humans should be there for me, just because. No. Realistically, why would anyone do that?)

*Sighs

(Also if I can’t be bothered to talk, the soft toys will understand that as well) 😛

If it ever came to it and you decided that for yourself youre better off without me, id completely understand. Id endorse it. Do whats right for you.

But internally id die and externally i wouldnt make it. I need you in my life. I cant live without you. But id die for you. In this case, literally.