General

As I sit here and stare into the open.
I wonder why my life is so broken.
No one to wish me well.
Just here suffering in my own Hell.
I know I am partially to blame.
My own actions has brought me shame.
I let those down who believed in me.
Became what I did not wanted to be.
An useless individual with no hope of saving.
Just living to satisfy ones needs and cravings.
Unable to get out of this pit.
Just here sobbing like a helpless kid.

Must i continue living my life this forever?

Won’t it ever […]

I’m getting desperate…

everyone should hate me, im not good for anything….

There’s no part of me left, who I originally was. Nobody in the fucking world is willing to take some time to listen, nobody understands what I’m saying despite myself making perfect sense. I don’t want to write poems draw pictures however the fuck to solve the issue. This anger lingers onto everybody, everything, close friends and family, sometimes I fall into loops of thinking about
of course I won’t and I’m just being a terrible person

I don’t know who I am or how I feel, as of now it’s just a loop of imagery. I’ve turned into a horrible person. […]

So my drunk son, now 39 seems to believe I’ve never been there for him despite the fact his own mother walked out of our lives when he was just 2 years old so I raised both him and his sister since birth. He likes to wallow in self pity and play the victim after racking up multiple DUI and other charges. The kids mother has NEVER so much as offered a single cent to their upbringing or well being
Anyway, I believed for a long time that I was an inadequate father and some time ago I quit drinking and got myself into […]

One of the most puzzling things to me is that people show up at memorials and cemeteries with flowers, and they talk to the plaque or headstone. What’s the fucking point there? You’re only talking to yourself, those remains can’t hear you. Those remains can’t appreciate the flowers either.

I think most people are in denial about the fact that they are going to die someday. It is the reason the concept of the afterlife appeals to them, a “better place” makes it easier to say goodbye. Not implying that is true or not, just the social consequences. I think everyone carries around quite a bit […]

i know im “normal”. i know its “fine”. but i cant help feeling fat. i cant help hating myself.  i cant help eating and feeling like i shouldnt.  i cant help but hate every part of me. if i could id never eat again. ive thought about it time and time again. what if  i could change that to this or this to that. but i can never see me liking myself.

They employ words and mind games tactics for more than ten years but they do it in a way that it doesn’t matter that my soul is in pain everyday and I’m always the one to blame if I don’t do it their way. I explain to them my point of view but they can’t help or understand it.

They force me to say hi everyday. Other people and family members force me to say hi everyday. If I don’t say hi, it’s like the whole world is gonna end. They love it, they are like robots. Hi is the most important thing. They love to talk almost 24 hours everyday. Every little insignificant bullshit has to be talked over and over again everyday.

“How many times can a loser fucking lose? I know you’ll find a way!” – Slayer

I keep asking myself this question. I’m running out of people to talk to, things to do, ways to distract myself. Didn’t there used to be a user-made discord for this site? What happened to it? Does anyone wanna talk to me? My username is Prudish#6582. Maybe we should make a new discord server. The loser’s den! Ha! How about that? How does that sound?

I’ve tried to die many times before but never success every day is just so fast, day in day out, it’s always the same. I’ve once told my mother I was depressed but I was being “dramatic like my father” So I don’t know what to do, I have may reasons to die so do not feel sorry for me. I just wish I could just press a button that gives courage plus 100 so I could die in peace or whatever. I really only care about my young nephew and cousin because their life’s are really bad and wouldn’t want their lives to be […]

Loss sucks. probably going to slip back into self harm.

I hate this.

Why do we live? Do we live in a society where we all don masks to satisfy societal standards and ostracize those who do not? Do we work 9-5 daily just to earn meager wages while the top 1% of society exploits you? This is not life, this is a living nightmare.

In my country, stress amongst working adults and teens are one of the highest in the world. Yet nothing is done to actively combat this. I am one of this system’s victims.

Some might take this lightly, but i do not fear the end of my life. This life of mine […]

Thinking about it….i dont have a “good time to do it” no matter what day i choose the outcome will be the same.

when i was a kid, before smartphones were a thing, and when internet was mostly for reading, pictures, and music, and when youtube was very small and i somehow didn’t care about it at all, i could fill my time just reading harry potter. i don’t know how it was possible, but i could just focus and read a book. but i have never read a book in a single day, and didn’t even know back then it was a thing.

these days, i can’t focus much at all. sometimes i can keep reading for hours but then i get bored or distracted. i read one […]

Lemme guess: You got crushed by society and never pursued your dream either, right? Yeah, that’s how it goes. Artsy female? Wonderful. Artsy male? May as well hang it up and become a NEET like me.