General

I’m angry because people make me feel like I’m not good enough. I’m angry because I’m not. Most of all I’m angry that is rips me apart. No it won’t matter what anyone says. My dad told me to go make friends I can’t make friends because I’m not good enough.

Well I guess I’m not angry anymore about this I guess I’m just really sad. Nothing adds up people think I have problems. Ha. There right I’m one fucked up person I was raised to be stupid and taught to be nothing at all. I hate this really I’m stuck and I can’t get out.

I’m […]

I have no future. No hope of ever seeing my dreams become reality. I’m living in this world of nothingness, knowing it will never be more than nothing. I will never be loved, and even if I am, I could never really believe it, because I could never love myself. I will never be accepted, because I am dark, and people prefer light. I will never be beautiful or thin. I will never have talent or success. I will never be good enough for myself or anyone else. The pain of my past and present make me ache beyond what I can handle. Nobody hears […]

How far I’ve come is astonishing. I still have bad days, believe me. They can really hurt and I hate them. But just looking back at my past and how I was then, compared to my present and how I am now is just mindblowing. I’ve changed so much, and I am very thankful I have. I went from burning bibles to sleeping with one in my arms and praising it. From being high nearly all the time to being fully aware mentally, emotionally, and physically. I don’t think I’ll never be able to express my gratitude to God for how much He has turned […]

I feel like I have nothing to live for. I want to rest. I didn’t ask for this stupid life, so why am I responsible for keeping it up? I just want death.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PFTLouiUFjI

Ever since I put down my guard to some random person and feel in love with her and I did cheat once in the beginning because she would start fights just for the heck of it and she didn’t want to get attach just like me I guess because she was like me in every way possible that it would be worth the risk but I’ve been hurting ever since then from my deep depression to the miscarriage she fucked up I fucked up and for three weeks I’ve been ok till for some reason Im thinking about her but I thought I’ve finally moves […]

Not sure what to write tonight…

Not sure what to draw tonight

which poses I should do while naked..

I’m a one man pornography crew

my viewers are older men and those who are willing to watch

My body is all I have..

This useless sack of flesh, bone, and blood..

Watch me dance..

Watch me play with my body..

Secretly id love for you to watch me cry..

Watch me bleed

Watch me laugh and scream..

I’m the thief of virtue

I’m the whore of the century

I’m just lost and broken

Lust is all i have

To balance me through the motions

I used to say i was a car that’s unfixable

But now I’m just the letter L

My name is […]

I hope he’s finally at peace.  I hope there’s an afterlife where I can meet him in person.

When you hate yourself
For being you
It’s hard to smile.
And just be true.
When you break a mirror,
By peering in,
You starve yourself,
And wish for thin.
When you tear your wrists,
And welcome pain,
It’s harder yet,
To just stay sane.
With every breath
You don’t want the next
With every step
You grow closer to death.
With every word
You wish for silence
With every tear,
Follows violence.
Cower dear behind the dark
Wishing still
For a fresh start
Peering down
Towards your wrist
What battle did you fight for this?
You fought the battle
The biggest yet
You fought […]

I haven’t in over a month, but I can’t stand to see this person hurt themselves. Maybe it won’t even help. Is it worth it?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NCLo2erh4Ww

i was feeling extremely sad about an hour ago. i sobbed out loud for a long time. my face was getting numb. i let the tears dry out on my face and my glasses form tear stains. i can’t move my face and i don’t really care. i dwell and dwell and think and think of what to do to get out of it. i remember overdosing on abilify and antidepressants in the past. 180 pills i took that time. my mistake was that somehow i ended in the emergency room. suddenly a huge rush comes over me, and i get excited and obsessive. i […]

I have never tried to commit suicide or even as much as tried to hurt myself. But I have a constant urge to hurt myself. Like if i stand on a railway platform a thought crosses my head what if i jump?A voice stops me which says no don’t do it . Its not a sane thing to do. But i don’t know how to stop the urge. Someone please tel me am i suicidal or is it just normal. I have been getting these thoughts since 5 years.

Today was a better day than yesterday.

No lie, just knowing that someone cared just a bit helped me this much.

But as soon as I lay & relaxed a bit my mind goes wild and brings back everything.

Sometimes i just wish i could be able to reboot myself and delete all this effed up files i have inside me.

I havent harm myself since ’09 and im hoping to stay the way, but is soo effing hard.

Sometimes i envy those who dont give a fck about  their problems/past/issues and live life as if nothing bothers them.

I want that but whatever im stuck with this effed up mind. […]

Legacy of an Adopted Child
Once there were two women who never knew each other..
One you do not remember, the other you call mother.
Two different lives, shaped to make Your one…
One became your guiding star, the other became your sun.
The first gave you life and the second taught you to live it.
The first gave you a need for love, and the second was there to give it.
One gave you a nationality, the other gave you a name.
One gave you a seed of talent, the other gave you an aim.
One gave you emotions, the other calmed your fears.

I would like a tongue or lip piecing  I think it may help becuase it’s something I want and it’something that could help me stop to kill my self

I don’t know what to do. I know I need help  but I don’t know where to turn. I feel hopeless and helpless. I’m so lost. I’m losing myself. I need help.

(WARNING A LOT OF SWEARING HERE)

hey I’m 12 my name is Scott

i remember the days when everything was perfect and everything was so fucking great but it only get fucking worse I am constantly thinking about suicide print the fucking things a 12 yr old boy should be thinking about I feel like if one thing is corrected then another thing happens I’m not perfect I’m called names I fLeo like I’m fat (I wstone just over 8 stone) so I’m staving my self I cut my self but I havent got anything sharp enough for what I wanna do to my wrists and my […]