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i shouldnt feel this way. i got rid of all those feelings when i left my old school. i have new friends, a new identity, a new school and a fresh start.  then why do i still feel like this. I just float through life everyday, a lifeless burden to myself.  I hate everything that i am, i hate everything that i do, have done and probably will do. i walk around school with this label “smiler” because im always smiling!
“hey smiler!” “right smiler!” dont they know its all a cover? a front if you will? Im alone, scared, cutting and dying inside. I respect myself […]
The term, “I cant live without you” is really sticking with me. I’m and 18 year old female. I’m in love with another female. We’ve been dating over a year now. I’m never been in love like this. I even dated someone over 2 years .. still never felt this way. She is truely the love of my life. I dont even think of us as being in a ‘relationship’ .. I think .. thought of us as ONE. My soul is tied to hers. I feel so empty now .. now that she’s gone. I need to be close to her. I need to […]
I get excited on the days I don’t want to die. It’s this light feeling. It feels like I’m at a normal level today, you know? Like maybe this is what it feels like to not be worrying about my emotions. But there’s always the fear. Because I know it will come back. This is the calm after the storm.
The voices are inside my head constantly, they’re always screaming at me, you’re no good, why are you still alive… you have nothing to live for, you should kill yourself because you’re unimportant, you know you want to kill yourrself…why not do it,you’re fat you dont need to eat, DIE, DIE, DIE…
I hate the voices so much, i try so hard not to listen, but they’re so loud and are always screaming these things at me repetedly. They wont stop.
i love my life…. wait no i dont. im far from loving my life. i have no reason that makes me happy anymore. i am dumb when it comes to school. i always get put down, people saying i will never get anywehere in life. people saying im a waste of space and air. i want to call it quits on life. i wanna call it quits on everything.
Hello guys, (edit: why is my post all written in green? its hard to read :S highlighting the text with your mouse helps)
I’ve been thinking about suicide pretty much my entire life. This is going to be quite straight up but bear with me. First, let’s talk a bit about myself so you now a little bit more about who’s writing this.
I am now 23 years old, on my last year of university here in Quebec, Canada. I’ve been studying marketing since I’ve always been really good at selling and customer service. My real passions, however, are sports, videogames and marijuana. Yes, marijuana. I won’t […]
For the last 5 years i have been feeling like my life lead me to the middle of nowhere. I become more invisible day by day and others care less and less about my presence. You might say its because i don’t communicate or interact with world, but no, it would not be true. It is just because i just don’t fit in, and my attempts are noticed just for a short time and i always end up alone and disappointed. No matter how funny or talkative i am for one moment in the next one i am just gone. It seems others make friends […]
Are you afraid of being alone? ‘Cuz I am. I’m lost without you. Are you afraid of leaving tonight? ‘Cuz I am. I’m lost without you….
by Nat....
written by Nat....
I have the worst fucking headache ever. 🙁
Today during first lesson, I got this amazing feeling. Y’know, That feeling of ‘everything is going to be okay’? Well, it’s gone now. It’s been replaced with hopeless despair and the slight sickening thoughts of ‘This could all be over’ are slowly creeping into my mind and taking over. I’m afraid of being alone.. I’m really afraid. I don’t want to be alone…
I really want to have something new to say, But I don’t. I have nothing. Same old shit about this broken toy that you’ve all read before.
My OCD is getting worse, A fuck load worse. And […]
What do you want?
Life can be very difficult, I know how bad it can get, The pain of losing someone is second to none. If you know that pain then i am truly sorry for you. How about that I’m starting to tear up in a public internet cafe in Delhi, and i already kind of stick out!!
Things that have helped me, I mediated three times a day, it is an amazing stress release and it helps me loads, I try to surround myself in friends and new people. Do not hide away, sometimes you need to be alone, but do not linger, loneliness breads depression […]
In a fleeting glance I look normal. I have two great kids under 7. I volunteer at school, teach a after school art class, president of PTA. I cook wholesome and tasty meals, bread and cookies to die for. My husband is a physics professor and we have been married 10 years.
I scrapbook, write, read and jog/bike. I meditate and do yoga. Until three months ago I also worked 3 jobs, most at night when kids were asleep or at school so I could be home with the kids. I did play dates, taught my children French and sign language.
Then one night I […]
right now, I want to die. I dont know what to do, this seems like bull shit.
I honestly cant take this anymore i dont feel like im worth enough to get up every day and pretend that im happy and ok just because no one around me understands my situation. I hate carrying on through all the pain and hoplessness. I have come close to commiting suicide numerous times and actually attempted it a couple times. I even have gone so far as to write a suicide note. I feel worthless and when i look into the future i dont see myself in it. I am not worth enough to keep fighting for something I’ll never acheive… nothing is worth fighting […]
I am not me.
I am. I live in the moment. Forgetting my past is easy, probably thanks to my screwed up neural wiring. I know my story. I lived it. But looking back is like reading pages from a book.
I’m detached. I am not who I was. I’m reading lines from Shakespear. This horrible tragedy befell the main character, followed by many smaller tragedies, but they’re not even memories in most cases. The few things I can remember clearly remain vivid, but only a few still carry pain with them. So why am I here?
I can’t remember the past, but I can feel […]
I got out of bed earlier, made and poured myself a hot cup of tea.
As I stirred my tea gently and slowly, my mind began to percieve it as a pattern..sort of a beat.
Swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..swoosh..
Words began to play like a song in my head..in a really soft high-pitched voice
Sharp knives and blood
Like sugar and tea
Sweetly come together to comfort me
End the suffering now
turn out the lights
Death is not so bad
Take your life
Take your life
Take your life
Take your worthless life
This was replayed twice until I was jolted out of the lullaby by the sound my phone […]
ughhhhhh!!!!!!! one of my best friends texted me saying: “i really love you” and guess what…just another guy i cant TRULY have cuz this guy lives in california! and i just had to move away to idaho! ugh…FUCK LOVE….
when people disappear mysteriously with no trace of where they went so i stopped in to say goodbye. no wondering
So sometimes when I’m feeling all depressed and stuff and I start writing things down to post like on tumblr or whatever. I’ll write half of it and like think about it then cry. Then after I cried im just not in that “sad” mood anymore to finish what I wrote. I was wondering if this happens to anyone else?