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I hate being alive and most days I just wish I was dead.
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Over the past two years I have been with a girl named Ashlyn. I’m going to go ahead and tell you the whole story of how “we” happened.
Ashlyn has a brother that is 3 years old. He drowned in a pool one afternoon while the babysitter was supposed to be watching him. His name is Brody. Brody is now on a vent to breathe and has a trach. He has been in a coma for 2 and a half years. Ashlyns mom- Jackie hired a team of nurses to take care of her son. Selfish right? Jackie believes that since everyone has granted her sympathy […]
or it certainly seems and feels like I will.
I have had mental health problems for years now and I have always actively tried to help myself. I have always sought help and have been medicated for a long time. I think it was hard because I was never ill enough for it to be noticed by anyone but ill enough for it to interfere with my life daily.
I just hate myself. Every time I close my eyes, my mind is screaming for me to end it. I just cant do it any more and I have no other choice. I have never visualised myself being […]
He fought through all the hard work
He was almost there
Almost great
He was going places
He ment a girl
He thought he was in love
She lied to him
He hung him self
She is now to blame
She hold the pain
Now knowing what ive lost
Ive lost a friend
Ive lost a friend because of a lie from his girlfriend
So i must say to this day
I will not be okay
I will not kill my self
I will show the world about him
About how great he was
About how its hard to lose a friend
But one day i will die
Who knows from what
I dont tell the futuree
But i know that life sometimes will be hard
I might […]
I don’t have anything to write, because I can’t put it into words. Â I’ll just complain.
I’ve pulled away from my friends, and I’m dating a guy that I could care less about because that’s easier than getting hurt.
It’s been a long process, but I’m finally at that point where I can really say that I don’t really have friends. Â I have people that I can count on, but nobody that I would talk to. Â People have tried to help me in the past, but they always end up doing more damage. Â And as for the guy, I don’t really know what to do with him. […]
This only applies to my own perception and not to anyone else’s. Do not want to be accused of trying to play the should game.
Seems everything is built around taking suffering and moving on. And those who choose not to are referred to as weak. I disagree. Sometimes people just get tired of the pain and the pleasure that does come is not enough.
No positive thinking or positive action will save one from all malevolence, and as ridiculous as that may sound to many people, I’d prefer a life free from any trouble.
Most trouble has no point and the ones that teach lessons are only […]
Where am i?
Groggy and disorientated! Scared, no…Terrified! Lost! Alone! Â Iv’e disappeared into a bottomless pit of desperate pessimism.
I find myself lying on the floor, naked. The room is a mess. The abstract paintings on the wall are askew and there’s glass sprinkled like dangerous confetti all over the carpet. My head is throbbing to unknown injuries and my thoughts are incoherent. I’m having difficulty remembering where i should be and how i got to be here. Is that electricity sparking between the lights? What’s going on?
Where did Vicky go? I needed her and she was here. I spoke to her and the others, Warren? Jackie? […]
This is a first. I’m sitting in the dark, if it weren’t for the glow of my phone’s screen. Pathetic, is it not? The age we live in. Specifically 4:46am in the wilderness that is upstate New York. This place is devoid of all things meant to nourish – as a life long denizen it’s cruel atmosphere is taking it’s harsh toll on me. Too many thoughts, too many restless nights….the cold air has entered my mentality and is stifling all that may prosper. I lay here contemplating attempt #3. I have given up yet again. It’s been 6 years since […]
And boy, BOY am I doing it wrong.
I have no traumatic past, troubling future (at least in anyone else’s view), or any of these other socially acceptable reasons for despair. I grew up with a normal family, normal income, normal everything. I really have nothing to complain about in my past. But, holy shit that’s what sucks. I am fucking bored out of my mind with everything. Everything is so bland, unappealing, status quo, daily grind.
So, obviously it’s not particularly anybody’s fault for my current predicament, except for myself. But that’s the funny thing. I readily accept the fact that I have driven my […]
I feel a little better. Not crying all day long, only here and there. Not paralyzed by despair and unable to function at all. I can see now. No one can, no one will, save me, fix me, see me. I’ve accepted and adjusted. Life is better because I’ve started planning my death, the details are getting me through the day.
Where is the bottom, exactly? I’ve been searching for a long time. I sift through the mud at the bottom of this wretched ocean, groping for that metaphorical rock bottom which so eludes me. Every day I find myself digging more desperately than the last, performing pitiful acts of self depreciation, drilling deeper, or perhaps further, in an uncertain direction.
(A cig a day.. eventually, a pack a week.. now a pack a day.. these things take far too long to do the dirty. MAY AS WELL GO SMOKE ONE RIGHT NOW)
I hoped that I would be smothered down here. Or, that some mysterious sea creature […]
My mom constantly calls me stupid and tells me I’m a jerk, piece of trash, lazy, etc. She’s going through a stressful point in her life and I see it, but why is she hurting me? She doesn’t hit me, at least not physically. But sometimes the things she says hurt worse that the physical things abusive parents do. I’m still young, but even when I was younger I was thought of as something special. I scored off the charts on standarized tests, blew away the standard curriculum at my public school, and was invited into many gifted programs and such. I’m currently in the […]
Its weird how I check into this thing alot now throughout the day. I’m curious to see if other people are out there who feel even a fraction of what I feel.
Today was a very bad day. Its funny when you close your eyes at night thinking  tomorrow will be better, today was the worst it could get. But that wasn’t the case. To end of the horrible day, another Utopian moment happened. Followed by alot of sweet bbm’s and constant pings when a response wasnt received right away. However those are just more moments. False promises made in a moment never mean anything real. Chances are it was forgotten […]
So I’m startinq to let the real me out.I miss sayinq bi power on my status on Myspace lol.(Like three years aqo)I don’t know If I am bisexual.I’ve refused to answer that question In the past year and a half.Am I still attracted to boys???I don’t know,I just don’t know but I love qays tho!Yall judqe to much tho.It started when I was In eiqhth qrade.I started to qo boy huntinq with my old bestfriend causse I didn’t want her and my ex to do It and I quess I qrowed a feelinq for them.I only told three close friends,One was my old bestfriend.Couple days later two […]
I spent most of today doing math homework with a girl from my class. Â I actually didn’t mind the math homework so much because at least it meant I got to socialize with someone. Â But it also depressed me. Â She kept getting messages on her phone from friends and several people she knew stopped to say hi to her as they walked to class. Â And then there’s me, for whom it’s unusual if I get more than a couple texts a week and all the social interactions I’ve had in the past 7 months can be counted on my hands. Â I miss Amber more […]
I want nothing more than to be dead. I want to escape I can no longer be here. I need to know the best way.. will some one please help!
I want nothing more than to be dead. I’m so scared of everything to come. Nothing its worth the pain I feel. I need someone to help set me free.
I want nothing more than to be dead. I want to be gone..be nothing but a memory.
I want nothing more than to be dead!
If you think about it.. people always care when you die, they cry and get sad.. but do they really care about you?
NO.. Personally, i don’t feel loved. If i died… nobody would care. People say that all the time i know, but honestly. If only you could live in my shoes, oh my.. I don’t even know. I’m just so lonely, i have people in my life yes, but they don’t care. I DON’T EVEN KNOW HOW TO LOVE, WHAT IS LOVE? I’ve never known it. It’s funny because if you saw me, you wouldn’t think that. I’m so bubbly and outgoing but […]
no one understand you time to die and be reborn again in something better/==\\\
I was 13 when I realized that I would inevitably die.
I saw my body changing, and unlike most young teens who would
Enter a phase in which they cannot control their raging hormones and impulses, I merely noted the changes as the first leap toward my inevitable demise.
You see,
The change itself is what inspired this cognition.
I watched myself mature and it disgusted me.
My thoughts became more intelligent and clear, but apprehension and the reluctant realization of my mortality were the first discernible responses to the Change.
Life, at that moment, lost its magic.
I began writing. I played the guitar, in my room, […]
Two months ago I posted on here that I was going to kill myself in my bathtub as a retirement present to my dad, so he wouldn’t have to deal w a terrible daughter any more. I tried to jump off a bridge, but I chickened out. I went home to my drunken fiancee, the kid I’m going to ruin, called my dad that resents me, and promised them and myself I’d get better.
A month later my abusive drunken fiancee decided to hurt me in front of our son. Ironically, I begged him not to kill me. I haven’t spoken to him in a month, […]