General

cancer it is sure in tow with me but its too slow i need something fast. one of the readers should snuff me.

Have you ever tried to contemplate the magnitude of how many people are on this Earth? Amongst the seven billion here on Earth today, lies me. I’m hopelessly mediocre. I’m a generic mass of molecules, the most insignificant and unidentified of them all. As much as I want to influence and create change in this world, I feel so incompetent in even bothering. I’m nothing notable, distinct, or significant. I’m 19 years old, a veritable arsenal of potential among seven billion others, all of whom are simultaneously trying to claw themselves up to significance. There seems no logical reason to try to become someone because […]

I know I should have mentioned this earlier, but I’m suicidal. Except I can’t kill myself because I would never devastate my family like that. I’m suicidal because of my depression, anxiety about my appearance, fear of failure and very important life decisions that will need to be made very soon, and what will come in the future. There hasn’t been a day that’s gone by in the past four years which I haven’t thought about suicide, whether it was about doing it or just about it in general. I’ve come to notice that suicide is inescapable; it’s in T.V shows, movies, commercials, in the […]

A friend of mine died today. By suicide.

Please, please don’t go through with a suicide plan. If you need to talk to someone, I’m giving you my contact info below. I’ll talk to you. I don’t want to see anyone else die.

Please, I LOVE YOU. And I don’t even know you. I love you, and I will fight for you. Talk to me.

270.226.3177 (Call or text, 24/7.)
aspiring2live@gmail.com
cn.king@ymail.com
And if you don’t trust me, call 1.800.SUICIDE. Those people DO care. Most of them aren’t even paid.

I won’t report you. But I will fight for your life. I’ll listen. I promise. […]

life is a hell hole…. i hate it i hate the people and i hate the way they think they act…. pretty much i just hate life i feel like no one wants to get close to me… that no one likes me i feel like everyone should just die!!!! life is something i dont want anymore i want it gone so i dont have to feel so lonely with death i wont feel lonely anymore i would just feel nothing and nothing is better than feeling lonely.

I’ve known things that no 13 year old should now. In the fourth grade, i kept cutting myself. i didn’t know why i did it at the time but i know i did it because it felt GOOD. fifth grade year, i kept at it, and understood why. i knew about weed the same year. how to roll a blunt, make a bong. everything. When i went to middle school, i had no friends. my bestfriend left me for the girl i hated. i acted fake to get into the ‘group’ it worked. i was called a ‘popular’ i got into drinking partys. 7th grade: had […]

I’m getting closer to the day I have choosen. I didn’t go to my son’s hockey practice because I’m trying to stop seeing people. I just wanna be alone. I gave my life to a girl for almost 20 years and she walked out. Now I gave her plenty of reasons too but at the same time there were issues right from the start. I never really had a wife. I had a roommate. She was more interested in sleeping than spending time with me. She was more interested in reading that spending time with me. […]

I’m getting closer to my chosen date,but just wanted to vent freely where its uncensored…LOL.

The following are some “events” that happened today(some significant,some not) that remind me of what I will not miss when I am gone.

1.Idiot Parents and the School Bus- It used to be that children were able to wait for the bus or-gasp-WALK to school on their own. Not anymore. Now,parents have decided that bus time is social time,and they LOVE to take over the driveway/street where the precious vehicle is scheduled to stop.Their cars sprawl out everywhere-who cares if someone else needs to get through? And whatever space their SUV’s don’t […]

What happened to Biscuit of Death?

I am a 20 year old college student with a job, a place of my own, and enough money to be comfortable. I have an awesome family and lots of animals that are awesome (I consider my horse to be my best friend). I would see that I am decent looking with an alright body. I have nothing in my past that I need to confess to. There is no past abuse or strife that I had. Yet I have crippling social anxiety and depression. And I believe that it’s only made worse by the fact that I feel the only person I have to […]

Is there anyone here from Canada?

I am currently at 15 and I remember two weeks ago holding on to my pills didnt want to feel again but my two closest friends helped me not to do it .. My depression pills seemed to help the first week but lately they seemed to make things more worser I started to, cutt myself about a month ago.. I care about my friends and a little bit of my family more than myself I dont really care anymore if I fail or I annoy ppl I get sad in a instant I turn happy to sad […]

asleep
(dream of wine and laughter and joy)
awake
drunk on sadness

you want to be clean you want to hold your head above the water
but
in between gasps of air you realize you’re drowning (or)

maybe you drowned a long time ago.

So i took a long walk to the outskirts of my small town to a trail that leads to a bridge over a shallow river. I brought along one of my favourite possessions, my pocket knife. It sounds silly but I’ve had it my entire (short) life. It means a lot to me… Anyway I was on the bridge and threw it downstream as hard as I could… I felt it represented my hatred and rage so i got rid of it.
Then i walked home slowly and I felt almost happy with myself.

Sometimes I just don’t understand life….. why is it when you feel like things are finally going to go right for you and you will get to escape the bad things that have happened from the past….. just to have a reminder and have the awfull hurt come back to your heart

So this week from Monday to Wednesday (today) I’ve tried mutiple attempts to killing myself. And now I find it worthless! I’ve popped a combination of pills and nothing works! I’m quite mad actually and I don’t understand why it’s taking so long. I’ve popped double even triple the dosage and mized them too. It’s ridiculous. I’ve come to the conclusion that people don’t generally care and that life is pointless. I have a court case coming up and can’t afford it nor the consequences, whatever they be. School is stressful and I have no one to talk to. My mom’s a female dog, I […]

This is a summary of a lesson from Frederich Nietzsche that helped me: Your suffering and hardships are challenges to be overcome. Defeat them and you will come away stronger and better than those who have never suffered. Defeat depression and everything else in life is child’s play.