General

I didn’t write this but it resonates strongly with me so I thought I’d share.

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What interests me most with people is that all the time there is a life going on in the innermost which can barely be acknowledged let alone talked about. It’s a secret dialogue usually whispered and hardly noticed. Another way I see it is like a newspaper, that in various phases lasting days or even weeks there is type of headline or a theme which could be an exploration of a new found belief or could be the re-emergence of a forgotten ideology or perhaps a new theory. It reveals itself […]

I used to want to do it so I would end up in hospital and get help,

Then my mum said that “if I ever tried she would hate me because it would destroy her and the family”

So now I just wanna do it to die, but I still keep putting it off, I just don’t wanna leave my mum with my debt and my pets etc,

Urgh it’s so hard! I just can’t cope anymore, I’m not that strong!

Four different types of meds and two counsellors later and I feel ten times worse 🙁

I would love to get my ex back, he used to make me […]

Yesterday was one of the longest days ever. It just seemed to drag on forever, but I was only awake for a pretty standard length of time (17-18 hours). I remember I saw a guy from my team at school, and thinking about it now I honestly thought it was 2-3 days ago. I don’t know why I feel so down from this. It just feels like time is going particularly slow, just to torture me.

I feel sick, both physically and mentally/emotionally. I had this incredibly vivid dream last night. I don’t remember it too well, but my parents and brother were all making fun […]

If I ever need one, now is the time, there is less than 12 hours left.

I freaking hate this place. I’m so tired of living like this.

Then on top of it all, someone from work came up behind me while i was reading posts, now shes prob going to report me. My dr tried to force me into the hospital 6 weeks ago, when I wasn’t even suicidal. Now that I’m having thoughtas again who knows whats going to happen.

I hate myself.

im ready to tear every piece of flesh on my body. I’m want it all gone. Dig my nails deep in to skin just to see my blood slept out. Forget about living I will rip my body to shreds before I do any mass distruction to my brain. I will bleed out my flesh and disdain my blood in a drain. Fuck you life! I’m done with your games cause now… I have now pronounce insanity.

I thought today was THE day. but I was wrong …again .I got my rope ready and decided to hang myself. I was dangling for a while with tears rolling down my face and the constant sound of me gagging. The pain was horrific! I started shaking and the next thing I knew I was on the ground. My rope had snapped! WHY THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO HAPPEN AGAIN. I was so close, I could feel myself drifting off into a better place. But no! life has to screw me over again and again. Why can’t I just leave. Im tired of […]

I say in some senses because I’m a newbie to the site, but certainly not a newbie in the whole suicide shindig. It’s something that is constantly racing through my mind, and I’d be lying if I said I don’t have my little fantasies once and awhile. This has been going on for about one, perhaps two, years. I don’t really know, nor do I care. All I know is that my life has been a blur–an endless, grandiose blur–one that I am ready to depart. I just can’t bring myself to correspond with life anymore.

Now, this isn’t me announcing that I will be killing myself tonight. I […]

Heres a link to a database with all the major drugs on it.

I think its important to educate yourselfs on drugs your thinking of taking or drugs you are taking, always watch for side effects.

Although drugs can have side effects they can be minimal compared to the positive effect they can have on your life.

Anti depress drugs deserve your consideration, so consider your own situation not anyone else’s, because depression is unique to the individual.

If your still not sure go to see a pro, get a diagnosis.

Know your meds

http://www.coreynahman.com/antidepressantdrugsdatabase.html

this is my third time visits here and pretty glad that there’s some space that I could talk about how I really have been so far…

it’s not suicide note, more like,,,life journal.(yet)

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when I was in school, I knew I am  little different others.

I always having hard time make  new friends and maintaining relationship with anyone.

not just that,,, I had dyslexia, diffuseness of concentrating study unknown physical pains.

but all symptoms were goes on  shortly, small, and wasn’t medically recognized,

so I tired to ignore them, and focused on my life.

my teenage life was such a mess.

going to school and studying as normal kid was such a burden,

but since not many kids liked […]

I was involuntarily committed to a psych ward about 6 months ago. I feel tremendous anger, humiliation and shame that this happened to me. So far I’ve made three serious suicide attempts while reliving the feelings from that experience. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by terror that I could lose my freedom again. When I was first released from the hospital, I didn’t feel safe in my own home. I try to avoid going to the part of town where the hospital is located. I left the country for three months and the main motivation I had for returning was to be able to commit suicide […]

I know i am depressed but i would never want anyone to know, i think about killing myself almost everyday. Why not? Maybe in the next life i won’t be like this, maybe i will be a better person. A perfect person. Even if nothing happens after we die i think that would be better than this. Nothing actually sounds pretty good. No one knows i feel like this and honestly if i died they would get over it. I am an ugly, worthless, fat piece of shit. People use me because i don’t stand up for myself, i am too worried that i will […]

I just need someone who cares. I’m not looking for love, a relationship or even a friendship. I just wish that someone, anyone at all, gave one fucking damn

I can’t open myself up to anyone I can’t believe in anyone at all
and I can’t see anything the light that shines is disappearing, soon it will be gone
unable to open myself up this is my weakness, my past
I can get what I want, yet if I do, the kindness I’m holding onto will slip away
the typical answer is when you die, you’ll be reborn, come back again

my heart is shuttered, soon it will break apart
stifling my tears, I laugh day after day
my heart has shown me that believing is nothing
those hypocrites killed me

my heart is shuttered, soon […]

I need to stick around for my 16th birthday, for my family. The only thing stopping me was the slight chance of things getting better and they aren’t. I’m done, I have all the supplies. All I need now is 20 minutes alone

Anyway come halloween and there won’t be drunken parties, candy etc… (im too much of a “loser, ******, loner” for that). Hahaha. No I’ll be “hanging” out with myself. My computer time is limited that’s why I’m saying this incase I can’t be on the day of.

Goodbye. Hopefully for the last time

It’s about 2am and I’m crying and shaking. Just want to die. Why don’t people understand I can’t take much more of this and that they’re selfish to want me to stay not the other way round. I just want some peace.

Well, as previously stated in some long lost in the shores of last week today Saturday 15th is the day to really start planning the specifics of my demise, the post with the reasons should still be there should you care.

Roughly the idea would be this:
1) Getting rid of all my possessions, donating the clothes I don’t need and sending my few belongings (some movies, books and videogames) to my best friend and brother.
2) Going for a vacation of sorts someplace nice, have some peace for a little while.. It’s been a while since I last enjoyed nature. This could be anywhere from […]

I stumbled accross this site by accident while researching something totally unrelated and when I saw the first post the hair stood up on the back of my neck. I am an attempted suicide survivor. I was a baby, 16- and thought I knew so much about life. I grew up in the most horrifically abusive home possible, was an addict by 13, etc. The problem with youth is that despite what you think: you know NOTHING about life yet. The increadible sorrow and lonliness you feel now  will be a distant memory when you feel the increadible joy of seeing your children being born, or watching the […]

I wake up every day and lie in bed not wanting to do the same thing again. I finally get up, eat, shower, and go to work wearing a fake smile. I hate my job, hate my life, hate people, but try to keep that fake smile on my face to hide the truth. I go home every night and drink myself to sleep, I can’t sleep any other way. Every time I try to make a change to this life something else happens to knock me back down. I know how I can sleep for good, I’m not afraid to die, but I wear […]