General

Lately I’ve been having some less suicide based thoughts and more homicidal ones. Starting to scare myself a bit, what about you guys? ever thought about killing instead of dying?

I feel dead. Stab. Caedo even. He change he really change. He hurt me tothe point i was near tears(very very sensitive). All i wanted was an answer but all i got was a stab in the back and a slap against my cheek. I want to hate him. I feel i hate him. But do i truely hate him? I help him through a lot. I never ask for anything in return. He would come to me for anything. I even trust him. But not trust him a lot for things to tell him( never really had any problems back then.) but know he […]

I’m taking my ex to a Metric concert on Sunday. I’m paying for the tickets. I really do not know why.

I just kinda realized that today, I have no idea why I’m even being nice to her. I mean I’d like her as a friend but I don’t want to talk to her the way I’d talk to any other stranger. It’s not that she brings back bad memories like I’m some sort of veteran of Vietnam, but I just don’t know. I guess it’s just the philosophy that once you break up with someone, 99% of the time things are never the same again. […]

there are some things that I really really hate about myself. I masterbate on occasion, and I hate it. I frickin hate that I do it. It makes me want to kill myself afterwards if i didn’t think id be damned to hell. so instead i cut myself. which i do anyways, and don’t really even need an excuse for.

I am such a fucking worthless whore. im so stupid. I know that it makes me worse i dont know why i even do it.

and please don’t tell me not to worry about it, because […]

I was at a restaurant a couple of weeks ago and there were two cute girls working the counter and when I walked up I just felt like shit.  I always feel like people watch and just think of me as a complete loser.  I didn’t even want to go up to the counter because I was so nervous and intimidated because I thought they were just judging me as some pathetic asshole.  Well, if I was them I would probably think the same think of me.

I’m 16 but I always feel like a child.  I’m really smart and have the intelligence of some people older than me, but I’ve never gotten to do anything that made me feel like a teenager.  I’ve never had sex, or kissed a girl, because I’ve never had a girlfriend.  I wish I could do something that would make me feel older.  Even if its something like smoking pot, if I could do it just once I think I would feel older.  I feel inexperienced and completely uncomfortable around a lot of other teenagers.

Does anyone know if our posts with the f word get deleted? I hope not. W’e’re depressed and I think saying fuck is a pretty minor offense.

I don’t have anything cogent to write.  I’m just writing because it helps.

I finally contacted my therapist.  I sent her email.  Told her I needed to make an appointment with her but can’t call because I am utterly immobilized.  She emailed back right away because she is a saint…we have something set up for Labor Day.

I will tell her that suicide is becoming a dominant theme in my thoughts.  That I have researched ways to off myself…that I have […]

Okay this is so  much torture but i will pass. Im Eleven Years old. i have suffered in the pass. my mom is 40 years old. i think my mom has rude way of speaking so i speak to her the same like Fuck you Jack ass And all this others stuff. I Have A Blue Dairy With A Puppy on it.And i hide the key  so my mom doesnt gets in it and she got it and read my  everything my crushes, My Boyfriends Everthing.when i mean everything if it would take her to days to read it she wont miss a page . […]