General

Negative
1. I’m UGLY
2. I’m fat
3. I’m disgusting
4. I’m stupid
5. I’m boring
6. I’m depressed
7. I’m suicidal
8. I’m not confident enough
9. I’m addicted to hurting myself
10. I’m crazy?
Positive
1. I’m …

I’ve been sick lately.  I’ve been Very sick.  I should take the pills and end it now.  While my immune system is fucked now.

someone please
crack open my skull
look inside my miserable brain
dig around in there deep
and find all the sadness
all the pain and suffering
and take it all away
rip it out of there
and replace it
fill my little brain back up
with joy and hope
and a will to live
give me the drive to be
and close my skull back
sew me up good as new
but now better than ever
someone please
save this dying soul

well my suicide will be by pills. I have researched for hours and stuff like that. I finally found the right mix of pills that will most likely kill me, I don’t know any other way, because pills are the only way I could do it. I’m too freaking lonely. sure, being alone is a good thing sometimes, but not every day of every year. I can’t socialize because of where I live, and it’s too hard trying to hold on. still need to write a few suicide notes, that’ll take a while though..

growing restless
with relentless panic
and I know the cure
a quick slice of the knife
and all the pain rushes out
gushes out in pools of blood
or I can take those pills
crush them to a fine powder
vacuum them up my nose
into my bloodstream
feel the particles deep in my marrow
finding the pain in every corner
and killing the last bit of it
or a quick shot of vodka
and then eight more
and all the weight off my shoulders
slipping away like a distant memory
but all these cures fade fast
and here I am again
feeling so restless

i sit here every night for weeks.

and all i can think is how much i miss my family.

when i had them all the time i never realised how important they were…

but i miss them everyday…

my mum and my dad

my sisters and brother

and my dog…

i long to go home and sleep in my own bed, just to open my eyes and see my room around me.

almost every morning i wake up in momentary confusion at where i am.

always expecting to see my room. and always being wrong.

you think after years youd be used to it.

i watch everyone else doing ‘parent child things’ that parents and children […]

my cousin texted he gf and said that he was pissed off becuase off me

i hate him so much

I’m 17 and graduated from high school. I have IBS (leaky gas; stinks up a room in 10 minutes) and selective mutism. One makes everybody double over coughing. Another makes me a creep because I don’t show any expressions, laugh, say more than monotone Yes/No, and don’t talk. When I am in public, I have panic attacks; the way I walk (some people thought me retarded- and I have no leg/bone defects), my ground-staring, my teeth (jagged/multiple cavities each) and the smell.

My mother is delusional and denies I have mental issues. My stepfather thinks it’s all in my head.

I’ve tried to fix things. But no […]

Depression
i can not fight it.
Suicide…
i can not conqure it.
Why dont we go
play in traffic
hopefully get hit by a car.
Lets be like wizards
and mix dangerous household
products together.
Lets drink it
like it’s juice or tea.
We can go outside and jump rope
till we hang ourselves in the trees.
Wouldn’t that be fun
bleeding on the ground
twitching and gaging on the kitchen floor
or just dangle from the trees
letting the neighbors gasp in shock.
Im not a sick person
All i ever wanted to do…
is kill myself.

My family is goin on vacation this friday for 3 days which is my vacation AWAY from them, so i’ll have the house to myself. Hmmm, very tempting to go for an attempt.

Im thinking a mixture of codeine and alcohol. U think it would work? Im talkin like maybe around 500 miligrams of codeine…

I can’t help wondering how many of the people on here are bipolar, like me.

It’s driving me insane.  Just… everything cycling, never being able to promise anything because I don’t know how I’ll feel in 2 hours/days/months, never being able to consistently try or achieve anything in a career, in relationships, in hobbies.  I’ve had so many medications and none of them seem to work.  Not enough to stop the cycles.

I’m not that keen on dying, but life in this condition is hardly living.  It’s a joke.  I’m an amusing failure waiting to happen.

Anyone else in the same boat?

Sitting on my bed, bleeding on the inside, dying on the outside. Wearing black eye shadow, nails, hair, clothes. Listening to depressing music, crying my eyes out. Carving my knife deeper and deeper into my flesh, up my arm, watching the blood slowly slide down to my hand. It’s getting harder to breathe. Grab another bottle of pills and start to swallow, one, two… fifteen…twenty-one…. almost there, just a few more bottles…

I need some advice. I am a 17 year old girl attending high school and my grad year is next year. My life should be amazing, I have been ranked top in my class for the last 5 years, have won numerous awards, play for several sports teams, tutor, part of student government etc etc. But it’s not.

Everyone thinks my life is perfect, but I am dying inside and I don’t know where to turn to. You see, when I was 12, I was looking for my camera in my mom’s room when I came across a box. Of course, being curious, I opened it […]

I just found out today that one of the senior managers at work died over the weekend. I got so jealous. All of the feelings I had at my father-in-law’s funeral (two and a half years ago) came flooding back. I was jealous of him, even to the point of anger; I wanted to be the one lying there.
Is it so much to ask?!
:-/

does anyone have any experience w/ this type of therapy? Or, have you even heard of it?
I went to a new therapist today and this is what she suggested, but my family doctor had never even heard of it!
I’ve posted this before, but no one responded. I’m hoping some of the newer folks are familiar w/ it. The therapist I’m seeing (have had four session so far) sure is sold on it, and I want to believe her. I guess I’m a bit jaded, though, after all these years.
If this doesn’t work I’ll try another therapist then ECT.
I’m just concerned that […]

by myself for the first time ever. I guess I’m not so useless after all.
🙂

my parents say they love me, my family, my friends. but i cant feel it. maybe they dont show it to much. but i just know my family gives everyone else more attention then they do to me. i pretend everything is fine, i put on a fake smile for everyone to see. i hope you understand that what they put me trough is not right. i get tired of hearing my name yelled. im like a stepchild to everyone. no one even knows where i am , or notice when im around them. i get complemented im pretty , smart, outgoing, and a one […]