General

I’m not here to hear people say I’m ridiculous for wanting to die.. or for cutting.. I’m here because I can’t help myself.. I want someone to listen to me when I’m saying I want to die… I want someone to care…
I’m hoping I get that here.. If not I’ll search else where…
I lost someone I’m in love with… I feel pain I’ve never felt before/.. I have tried countless times to kill myself but each attempt failed :S… I just…. need help..
I have cut myself over 100 times.  I’ve counted.  I’ve taken pills every night.

Here I find myself…

Here I find myself,

Walking towards that shining light

At the end of the tunnel

beautiful like the moonlight at night

Dreaming of that tomorrow

Hoping there will be better things

Here I find myself,

Under the gloaming shadows

Walking down that tunnel

Water dripping, rats squeaking, flip flop, flip flop

Is all I hear.

Here, I find myself

Under the sightlines of the moonlight and shadows

I keep moving forward

While dreaming of that day

When I reach the fulgent light

At the end of that tunnel

Where hope awaits

What am i doing here??

Am i looking for some one to talk me down, some one that can help me choose life? I really don’t know. I have the things i need arriving daily, i’ve booked a hotel, i know the date so i’m ready to go. But lately i have been feeling……i’m not entirely sure but lets just say i’m having second thoughts. I think i’m over thinking this. I find myself imagining what others will go through if i do this, i hate that i once again find myself putting others before myself. I then have a mental shake, literally it’s like my […]

I told my friends about these feelings and the ones I put less trust in stand by me and tell me they will help me through. The ones that I trust with my life tell me it is “Not a big deal.” I’m 16 but I know what it is like to be in love. I know what it is like to lose someone close. I know what it is like to feel lost and insecure. To feel like there is no way out. I’m feeling that way right now and I’m looking for help and ways to cope. […]

My mum and dad said i could have any thing for christmas
i said can i have horse they said no but you can have a pony.

It hurts so bad but i dont move. The shoelaces hanging from the shower rod attatched to my neck . They hurt and my head dangles in the bathtub full of water. Im trying to swallow the water and to sleep. My body refuses it. I give up i cant do anything right. I relax now and finish my bath. I walk out and act like nothing happened and i go to bed. Everyday im alone in my head and i cant stop these thoughts. They pull, break, and crush me. I want them to leave. This medicine the doctor gives is just a mask […]

A quote from today.

‘it’s because you don’t her out.’

You don’t understand Becca, you don’t understand how much I wish I had the guts to take the dog out. I hate being like this, I despise this part of me, the part of me that’s so god-damn afraid to walk out that door and face the world. I wish I could, but I can’t. Out there, I’m surrounded. Out there is everything I fear.

I’d choose wipeing up dog piss and picking up shit anyday than go out there.

who else just feels like they dont belong in this world? you just know it…no matter what you do or how hard you try youre so fucked up inside that no psychologist drug pill or anything can make you feel better…not for long… or make you feel like you belong somewhere when youy clearly dont i just cant understand anything anymore not the people everything that happens and neither myself i should just kill myself now but im coward im scared and i cant hide that so i just have to be strong enough to do it or getting used to the idea of living […]

Sleep.

I just want to sleep.

There. There I fantasize, about.. Things.

None stressful. No cutting. Or anything else like cutting.

I’m alone.

I’m gone, in my sleep.

I’m not a so called bother.
And more..

My brother keep chasing me around the garden with a stick and hits me on the leg. At school i am geting bullied and to top it all off i let my hamster out for a run around the house but the back door was open now he a gone. I cry I cry I cry.

I journal all hours of the night piecing together what I have come to know as my confessional fragmented stream of consciousness. Writing isn’t going to save me- I’m not one to be saved. But I can’t help catch myself meticulously talking to the dead. And foolishly pretending someone is talking back. I do hear things- something- I hear freedom- I want to be free- I need to be free- I was taught that freedom is good- but what could potentially become of us once we are free? Alas, the unanswerable question feeding and slithering in my brain like a parasite.

To anybody who has ordered helium hood kits from the Gladd Group based in California, about how long is the turnaround from the time that you mail the cash or check? Thanks in advance for any insight.

I am new to the website and Im seeking help. I do not know what to do anymore. Everyday goes by and I cant figure out who the fuck I am. I just wish I could disappear. I keep on grabbing the gun and put it to my face. but I know Im not man enough to do it. But Im afaid one day I will

I broke my razor today, which isn’t much of an accomplishment, I suppose. It just felt like a step forward.

I’ve been feeling better these past few weeks, maybe it’s because I’ve been socialiseing alot more than I used to, but I’m afraid that it’s come to an end. My friends, well, they don’t make the time anymore.

‘I’m at Angelas.’
‘I’m going down to Soccy park’
‘I’m busy’
‘I have to look for my phone’

It’s not as if I stood beside you guys, not as if I helped you with your minute issues, not as if you actually gave a damn. Hm, not a problem, […]

IM 19 ive been depressed as long as i can remember. but i cant put it down to a reason, no bad childhood, had and have decent friends which i recently started to talk to about this after trying meds and the doctor about a year ago. but still no reason to live. no reason to fight, no Purpose.

It is just so so tiring living so my suicide wont cause others grief, so long ive tried to find a reason to get up the next day. to fight so i wouldnt upset others. but i cant live for others for ever. i just want so […]

 The real question is: Was I born this way or was I made this way? The only conclusion I have reached is that true excruciating madness tends to unravel subtly, and with precise incision.   I do not have a reason for mentally deteriorating at such a young age, other than perhaps it is how my brain has come to make sense of such a fast synthetic world of evolution.

“Death must be so beautiful. To lie in the soft brown earth, with the grass waving above one’s head, and listen to silence. To have no yesterday and no tomorrow. To forget time, forgive life, and be at peace.”

I’m going to kill myself and I couldn’t be happier. I’ve been waiting for five years to do this and now it’s so close. I’d share my story if it wasn’t so tragically boring and normal. And I really wish I could ease the pain of all of you who are suffering, who are trapped in this miserable world, and who only feel pain. All I know is […]

I don’t think the thought of death is a negative thing.
I don’t think that all the people who kill themselves do it out of self hate,sadness, shame or fear for life.

Death can be a goal for some people, like money or fame.

I truly believe in the idea of the perfect suicide. Even Mishima planned his death for almost one year.