General

It follows me. I didn’t feed it or even house it, So why does it stay? No matter The bad vibes i give it or what i say. It just wont go away. It stands above me thin as air, looking at me with the longest stare, quietly saying words even though it can’t talk. It speaks in a language that only people of the above can speak, It brings me down to my knees, and tells me to take my forever sleep. I run trust me I’m trying, It laughs at me when I’m crying, when it brings the memories of the girl who […]

My friend was going somewhere this weekend (Saturday) but I had to pass because I didn’t have any money to pay for my food or movie ticket or anything.  I was going to go to his house but when I went to get dropped off he wasn’t there yet and my dad got pissed and didn’t want to take me back if he got back, a four minute drive away.  Now if I don’t see him tomorrow then I wont see him for the rest of the week because hes leaving for spring break.  And my other two friends are busy all week, but probably wouldn’t […]

Somtimes I wish someone would just kill me. Save me from hurting anyone by ending it myself.
But other times I’m content just to close my eyes and cut the hurt away.

I feel so alone right now.
I probably sound pathetic and weak and stupid.
Sorry.

I get this feeling
that I don’t feel the same way

I can’t smile or cry
or laugh or hurt
in quite the same way

and you say it
try to explain it
and I understand the words
can comprehend the thoughts
but I just don’t entirely
feel the same way

and it’s so lonely
I’m isolated
because I can’t possibly
feel the same way

and this feeling
of not quite feeling
I can’t describe it
it’s not so empty
but kind of empty
I feel defeated
at a loss for words
to make anyone at all
feel the same way

I think about death everyday. I count the hours until I can go to bed and escape for another day…. I have been to doing this for about the past 10 years… I tried to OD in July of 2005 but my wife at the time got me to the ER in time… No one told me that Overdosing on sleeping pills and dmx would damage my liver if it was not successful ….30% of my liver is gone… I live each day in pain and fatigue….and with depression on top…. My birthday is in 11 days.. I will be out […]

I’m going to do it just haven’t decided when or how yet . i guess Ive always known i would just always kept hoping things would get better . i grew up poor and yet still achieved a 4.0 gpa in high school . I cam close to attaining 3 degrees then ran out of grants and scholarships so had to quit and get a job to live . Got laid off from that job after 3 years and got another one got laid off by them too. my whole life has been about taking care of others family gf’s , my now ex fiance […]

my email is animecat9@aol.com my aim is animecat9 just the way its typed.We can chat about anything.BTW if i dont post in a while its either because im dead,in a hospitle for attempted suicide,in jail for murder(im serious) just given ya a head start.

Darkness within,
Heart of cold.
Stars don’t shine anymore.
Moonless night
Sky so dark.
Hope gone,
Nothing lefth,
only pain, sorrow and hurt.

It is so dark in here.
I feel so alone here,
nobody else can make it go away, only me.
My arms are full of failed attempts.
Blood and scars are my only companions.
They know the real me inside out.
They see me everywhere.

I know only hurt.
Smiling seems so fake,
and I don’t fake.
Sadness is my only friend,
from now to forever.

my heart has bled out

as will my body

masochistim,  lust, deathwish have grown

I’m ill beyond your comprehension

And I’ll pay you back what you’ve done to me

Atlast my death will

No more a slave

No more suffering (imposed by you)

For I am my own lord now

And I will punish you

For that you will never, ever

humiliate me again

Oh, you will pay so dearly

I will hurt nobody

It is just the chicken’s coming home to roost

You will be cut down

…by your own doing

Emm don’t know how to start this off or what to say even, it’s like my 3rd time posting on this since December but go on this site everyday without fail and the stuff i read here is devastating.. I know my posts aren’t even half as bad as the rest of them.. my heart really does melt when i read them..
Swiftly moving on so yeah the past weeks have been O.K , well actually good, a bit too good to be true and thought and boy was i right.. well to start off i won 75€ in a lotto type of thing and […]

So am i suppose to be happy? The love of my life is gone, my mom’s always with her boyfriend who’s birthday is today also. I hate my birthday already. I feel like there’s no reason to even celebrate it anymore. It’s like Depression never gives you a day off. Even on your birthday. So now i just sit here. Thinking about the love i had, and hoping that this day will end. Happy Birthday me.

barely alive
drifting through time
world is overflowing with people
yet I feel so entirely alone
hear the wind howling
passing through my hair
wish it could blow me away
and make me disappear

I know that nobody here knows me, and you don’t need to in order to get something from what I’m writing here, I will however give a brief summary of the larger points in my life and why I’m so unstable.

I was born premature, weighing 2 pounds 3 ounces to my parents who live in New Jersey. I was born with nerve damage in both eyes with the right being worse. I have an astigmatism and nystagmus (unbalanced optical muscles which causes your pupils to shake). My doctor said it’s a miracle I can even see, but I only find it to be a curse […]

To put it simply: everything changed. I had two homes, one with my dad and stepmom and one with my mom. I had 3 best friends and an amazing band with them. I had a girlfriend who I still love. I got in to the art school I wanted, and lived from music, art and love.

I was always closer to my dad, who´s helped me with practically everything, especially with my band. We used to talk about everything. My parents, they both have bad and good sides. Dad with his rage and manipulative behavior and mom with her drinking problems, though neither of them seems […]