General

Hi, this is my first post in here.

I’m 38, married and living in the UK. I’ve not been happy for a number of years, seem to suffer from increasing anxiety as each day passes. I have worries about my work life and home life. People just tell me to start liking myself, and that I have to want to help myself, but it’s no good. Nothing seems to help me.

I’m just wondering if there are some people (age is unimportant) local to me (London/Surrey/Berks area) that want to talk, share stories, share worries and see where it takes us. I would prefer to chat to […]

poem i wrote………

I run from the day
As it chases close behind
I try to hide
As I feel it looming right overhead
Like a heavy cloud
Each and every day

The clock clicks as the numbers pass
The hands dance
As my day comes near

I try to hide
But I cannot
As the light shuts off
From the world
I close my eyes
And drift away

I’ve been thinking about this again, but this time, the feeling is amplified 30x. How does one cope with this because I’m ready to go.

Please, nothing religious. It got me in this mess.

Awhile ago I had this dream. I was at my grandparents house. It was somewhat bright outside and it seemed to be a summer day. I found a deer eating so I watched it and it saw me. I don’t remember if it was a doe or buck but it chased after me and it started to attack me. I couldn’t get inside or run away. It was going to kill me.

I read somewhere that if you dream of a deer it suggests some aspect of yourself that you keep private or someone in your life very dear to you.

When I told my […]

I wake up everyday around 5am breathing fast anxious to start the day because I have no future. I become more buried when I see the thousands of people at my uni. laughing and doing well in classes with ease. Family/school problems have done lead me to this point and I honestly just want to end it. I’m sure at this point everyone I talk to can see and hear the anxiety and depression in my voice and face. I can’t compete in this world and I’m reminded of that everyday and that’s all I can think about.

I have nothing to look foward to […]

ever since elementry school I’ve been called cruel names like “man” meaning I’m ugly or “panda” suggesting I’m fat. Every girl In my school is gorgeous. They all get the guys never me. I feel unwanted. I fall asleep crying and wake up to it too.. Some days I just can’t take it so I come home and cry to my mom cause shes the only one I have the the girls in “friends” with are all terribly they are full of drama and lies. I need someone to talk to..

I bet my family thinks i have an eating disorder or that iim on a crazy diet especially my grandma because im not eating at home well excuse me for not being hungry but i do find it weird aswell i wonder why i don’t get hungry anymore?that’s really weird because im not planning on starving myself that would be too slow…

Someone here suggests piano wire as an effective and painless way of hanging. Are they insane ? It may be effective, hanging is, but with piano wire ? This was a method favoured by the Nazi to deal with many who were involved in the 22 June 1944 plot to kill Hitler; Hitler chose it because it was slow and painful. He wanted revenge.

I understand the desire to die. I understand the attraction of suicide. I understand the sense of control it gives me. It allows me a choice but I wonder, whether it is, in fact, an addiction, a fantasy that gives me […]

I feel like things are getting better and then they go and get worst again.

Why is it so hard to just move on from things and just let go. I don’t fucking get it.

Sometimes I feel like I want to be helped and move on with my life and then other times I just feel like there is no hope so I might as well just deal with it or just fucking die.

Alls I keep thinking about is how torment free my family, friends and (ex?)boyfriend will be if I just pop my clogs.

I actually get a shiver down my spine when I think that […]

today it was weird,

i was yelling at everyone

i wasnt happy

i feel weird

Just heard the song Why by Rascal Flatts talking about losing a friend to suicide.  Wonder if something really happen would anyone think of me if they heard that song?  Broke down to my boyfriend last night he said I have a week to go talk to a doctor before he does something about it.  I doubt he will.  Trying to study I have several major tests in the next couple of weeks, but wonder if it is worth it.  Counted up by points to see if I can get into my program this fall and wouldn’t you know I am around 1-5 points short […]

I ruined my life school, social and family wise. No one cares about me and I need an escape so I want to ruin it for good. I took 15 hydrocodone apap 5-500 trying to overdose but just ended up feeling sick for one day. Every morning I wake up with anxiety and have such hard time breathing just thinking about how bad things have gotten. At this point i want to die and end all this pain. I can’t even have a regular conversation with somewhat close friends and family members because of the depression in my voice. My plan now is to buy […]

I don’t know whats wrong with me. I put myself in therapy but we can’t afford to keep me in it. It was helping, but now everything’s falling. I find it harder and harder to breathe. Maybe one day I’ll stop. I find that thought comforting.

Sometimes I can’t think. I’ll start and stop. People think I’m weird for that. My own flesh and blood don’t understand. And I’ll forget. I want to scream, to tell them that this all hurts so much. But I can’t scream. I don’t know why but my voice is too weak.

Maybe I could blame my parents for this. They […]

I’m probably not going to be on here for a while. My husband thinks I’m having an affair cause I’m on here so much and I’m getting sick, so staying up late after he goes to bed isn’t an option.

I’ll be back until then… Good Journey!

How many Zopiclone do you need to take to be sure you do not wake up, beecause knoweing my luck I’d survive but disabled.

I dont think its right people are coming on here and saying they are seeking someone to kill themselves with. There are people (like me) who have suffered a loved one taking their own life and come on here for support just to see another person planning how they are going to die. It is wrong. If you need help, then ask for it but dont say you need a partner to kill yourself with or to have sex with for the last time. While I have every sympathy with you for wanting to end your life it is not a nice thing to read.

I just got out of the hospital for my third suicide attempt this year. When will be the end of my misery.?! I’m so sick of everything, the bs drama, the fights with so called friends, the arguments with parents, and the constant torture called ‘bullying’. Bullying to me is just a name to cover up a crime that seems to not be worth punishment. But where do you draw the line.? Someone help..