General

I have something that is like an anti-depressant for me, Music. Its very weird because if im not listening to music I have depressing, suicidal thoughts but as soon as I play music I become a happy person, I even sing and sometimes dance when music is on. I have found something that vanquishes my depression for a short time, if all the rest of you could just find something to help with your depression like I have music you will find a real change in yourself. Give it a try for your benefit.

http://www.aolhealth.com/2010/09/24/strangers-enter-into-a-pact-online-to-commit-suicide/

At least their suffering is over now.

I don’t know what to do with my life anymore. I think i’m going to get kicked out of school. I failed my first two midterms in two of my classes and I studied my ass off for days on end for those exams and I still failed. If i don’t get straight As I’m going to get kicked out and I don’t want to be a slave at work anymore. I want to be the boss one day, but in order to do that I need a college degree. It’s been like this ever since last year. I study my ass off for days, […]

I was a happy child until grade 7, my life changed on me before i could react. I started cutting it was bad, then i started to OD because the cutting wasnt working anymore. One time i OD right before school and i lost it first class, it was like i wasnt there. I was gone i couldnt hear the people around me. I was out of it so I told my closest friend and she understood her brother went through the same thing. I knew she was there for me. Then I told my other really good friend and she told the counsloer so […]

So just when are we supposed to know when our purpose on this plane of reality has been used?What are we supposed to do then?It’s like a program that has served it’s purpose.When it has served it’s purpose,what happens then?Why it gets deleted of course.Shouldn’t the same be said with us?Who’s to say that our purpose was done at an early age?What then?We are now just supposed to stay here as long as possible and have nothing?We are now dead to the world so why not exit,stage left?

My friend Emily and I carpool to choir on Tuesdays. We are both in the Santa Maria choir, second highest in the Columbus Children’s Choir. Her mother took us to pictures on Sunday.

I have recently started cutting again, and when I did it again for the first time, I hacked my arm up so bad I had to wear long sleeves for about four days before the redness went down. Sunday was one of the days I needed to keep my arms covered. That was okay, our choir uniforms are long sleeved.

Mrs. P took us to this Mexican restaurant before we went to our Confirmation […]

In the book “Final Exit” the author states how to use Helium and a plastic bag to kill yourself and a tip I have is to figure out a way to hand cuff yourself or otherwise restrain yourself so that you don’t remove the bag after you pass out (it can happen) because I am pretty sure nobody here wants to have their suicide become a failure………I know I don’t want it to fail!

I highly recommend the book Final Exit. I got my copy on Amazon.com and it was worth every penny…..it will likely be the book that gave me the best idea as to how I am fittin to commit suicide.

People say time heals all things but this is not true for everything. I’ve been depressed since I can remember….Always hating myself and the way I looked and my bisexuality and just everyone that ever hurt me or made me feel worthless and inadequate and ugly and stupid. For more then a decade I have been suicidal and I have attempted many times and there isn’t a day were I don’t contemplate putting a gun in my mouth and pulling the trigger. Metal pain killers, take 1 and sleep. Is suicide really the only cure for me?

I feel so sure of it.

My chest hurts, my body aches and […]

Watching this documentary greatly helped me to understand that there is NO loving god that cares about you and made it MUCH easier to accept what I must do. Check it out on Youtube and tell me it doesn’t make you feel more at peace with having to die…….Zeitgeistmovie.com

I am not fuckin around here, check it out! it really will help you feel better about what we must do (especially if you have that pain in the ass religion guilt/worry hanging over your head!

I have tried so amny times to kill myself w/overdose. one overdose worked but I was found to soon and btought back. Now nothing seems to work. I was thinking about just parking the car in the garage and letting myself fall asleepw/ an Ipod as I breath in the fume of carbon monoxide. I am selfish I have 3 kids who love me, but my whole life is ruined. They have great peoplewho will make up for abscence. I have lost everything that I worked for, house job and my will to live. I am told tht I will never get another job in […]

Im new to this site, found out about it yesterday, read some of the stories so now I joined. When I was 12 or 13 I started to become really depressed, It changed my life alot, I stopped wanting to go out to places I used to have fun at, I didnt want to eat as much, I just wanted to stay in my room in the dark and lay there thinking about how much of a horrible excuse of a human I was. My family, my friends all expected me to grow up become this smart, respectable man and get a good job to […]

My intro to this site, explaining what I’m going through.

When I was 9, I was a cheerful child. My parents were rich, and brought me everything I wanted. I was popular at school and got high grades. 

One night my brother, who was 12 at the time, raped me. I still don’t understand why he raped me, he wasn’t under any influence.

My parents found out, because I told them. My brother went to a youth court, and pleaded guilty. He’s since been in and out of jail, for drug use,  sexual assault, and theft. He told me I ruined his life, and I know I did. It’s all my fault.

I never got over my brother […]

These problems don’t have solutions, I am rotting inside this cell,my body is like a prison, only DEATH can save me from this hell…..

It stops when I either put the Helium hood on (after hand cuffing myself) or put the 12 gauge to my heart and pull the trigger. I am no teenager looking for attention or a person with little to complain about. I have been type 1 diabetic since the age of 15 (I am now 29) and the shots are proving to be too much for me. Last year I found out that I had a record breaking (size) Clear Cell Meningioma in my head that for whatever dumb ass reason I had it removed, but……….not before it left me blind! I can’t fuckin see, […]

i cannot deal with it. i try all the time to be this strong, careless individual, i like people to think that i am so self confident that nothing can bring me down, but in turn, people feel like no matter how mean they are to me, it wont hurt me. but it does. it aches. and the vague humour that used to exist has vanished and now im just finding there is no one i can turn to. someone told me the today that my birthday was coming up in a few days and i almost fell to the ground and cried. not about […]

It’s been forever since I posted anything on here. That may be due to my parents spazzing at me for looking at a website having ANYTHING to do with suicide, considering my condition at the time. But whatever, i’m back. I’ve missed you all lots and I can’t thank you enough. I’m not better or anything though. I still have my suicidal thoughts ALL the time and i’m still cutting although not nearly as often. But this site definitely gave me a relese that wasn’t harmful to myself. It allowed me to vent and express my feelings. I’ve met people who i’ve been able to […]

I woke up today telling myself I’d be positive today to try to see if it was auctually possible for turn my life around. I blared music and hopped down the steps.
My roommate left a towel in the fucking downstairs sink and water was everywhere. I didn’t see it, being so ‘happy and positive’. I slipped, rammed my head on the floor and screwed my back up. Not to mention being mocked by two people on the way around town today.
What a load of shit. I would have had better luck if I had just stayed in bed like I should of.

My name, doesn’t matter. Right now its all about the story.

There was a point in my life when I use to lay awake at night, when I would break down in public outings with my family. No warning or no reason, just the sick depression closing in upon me that would make me choke up and begin to cry in the middle of dinner. I once considered cutting myself, I once considered suicide. But I’m getting ahead of myself, so I suppose I should start at the beginning. There once was a guy in my life, I considered him my best friend. I was (unfortunately?) […]