General

Been looking for work almost obsessively, still nothing.

Between that and my dreams haunting me with past memories of people I care for, I’ve slipped so far down a black hole. Idk how to pull myself out.

Feeling like this sucks.

The unnamable lust is back.

Why have we as a society gotten so comfortable with and accepting of everyone coming home to no one at 5 pm ? When the workday is over, and free time begins, I want to come home to someone … to have some human contact, to talk about my day, to make love to someone, to share a meal or a bottle of wine … there is no one … there hasn’t been anyone for 15 years, and there isn’t anyone now or in the foreseeable future.

Is this a life worth living ? Should I be satisfied with Netflix and 20 second porn ? Is […]

I want to make my own “exit bag” (for helium) because I don’t have the means to buy a kit online but it’s hard to find helpful resources online, so if anyone knows how to make one I’d appreciate advice, preferably within the next 10-12 days.

When tomorrow starts without me,
please try to understand. That an angle
came and called my name, and took
me by the hand; The angle said my
place was ready, In heaven far above,
and that I had to leave behind all
those I dearly love. But when I walked
through heaven’s gates, I felt so much
at home, for God looked down, smiled
at me, and told me “Welcome Home.”
So, when tomorrow starts without me.
don’t think were far apart, for every
time you think of me, I’m right
there in your heart.

The Assholes and Shitcunts that pretend they’re so sweet and nice on the outside, but are really manipulative and evil on the inside. So many douches masquerade as innocent little lambs, and they fool most ppl. When you try to show friends/family/coworkers who they really are, THEY look at you in disbelief and don’t believe you and attack YOU and defend them bc they’ve all been fooled, and continue to be fooled by those manipulative, lying shitcunts.

Like, really.

I ran into some videos about applying for disability, the sorts of questions they ask, what they want to know, and frankly it has me at a pretty dark place. Because they want to make it out that the person applying could work. They use all the tactics of all the bad employers I’ve had. Because APPARENTLY it is my job to make a company function such that I can keep working for them. I should have been asking for accomodations. If I can function socially, and stand for extended periods of time, I don’t have a problem?!

I’m in a dark wishing my life was […]

I cannot let myself be seen, by anyone. I cannot reach out, to anyone. I’m alone. Maybe we’re all alone. But most people don’t seem so alone. It seems like most people are able to convince themselves they’re not alone. If they’re delusional, then that seems preferable to this.

I need to be brainwashed. To have all the filth wiped away from my mind. So I can convince myself that I’m worthy of someone else’s company. That they won’t be disgusted and repulsed by me. So then I won’t have to be alone. So then I can reach out and have someone there, who recognises my […]

to watch some scary Halloween movies? well, i’ve just seen something on YouTube that will scare the bejesus out of you. and if it doesn’t…then you might be a serial killer lol

search YT for “dead meat moving compilation”
also, watch “Decapitated wasp grabs its head before flying away”

Real life/death is fucking horrifying and creepy AF
It’s Halloween 24-7 on Earth -_-

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It all started with a video that popped up “snake eating itself” which seemed interesting and innocent enough. And then it showed links to creepy shit, like dead meat moving. Yeeesh…

The doorbell rang, there were two what I deduced were religious crackpots with an angle standimg behimd the door. ” Cold isn’t it” said one of these crackpots. ” yeah, anyway, what do you want?” Said I. The religious nuts were a bit taken aback at my tone. Cliodhna from next door was gettimg into her car, ” Cliodhna, how are you getting on, alright?” Said I with a smile on my face, Cliodhna being easy on the eyes. I turned back to these religious nuts sans smile,they tried to hit me with their pitch ” We are discussing the troubles in the world at […]

All throughout public education, we were taught that the colonists and the Natives had Thanksgiving Dinner- never mind that Indians don’t celebrate Thanksgiving and the fact that the story is just bullshit. The REAL TRUTH was that the British and colonists gave the Natives Smallpox-laden blankets so that they’d all catch Smallpox and die. Yeah, THAT story was never told to us.

I *just* now (30min ago) learned about this. And yes, this was documented and is fact- even the History Channel and the National Library of Medicine (.gov) admits this. Although, they deny this tactic worked. OFC it […]

I am completely ill-spirited because of a very dumb reason lately. I have gained weight this year. After my anti-depressant I gained 7 kg and it kept going up, because I tried to compensate a lot of crap through eating.

It’s not that I am in a bad situation currently, because I study from home and I am so happy when I don’t need to make myself go in front of the door. However I have tried to get some exercise in, by shopping for clothes, ’cause well.. most things don’t fit anymore.

I am a 25-year old male still wearing things from highschool, because frankly I […]

Masahiko Shimada – Diary of a Mummy

Just needed to empy my head a small bit. Been meaning to for a little while, but I kept putting it off.

Today was rough. Probably the main reason why I’m posting today. It was the weekly meeting for the team and I looked like a complete dumbass. The stuff I had been working on came off as irrelevent. I didn’t have any good justification for my designs or where I was taking them. I just made sad sheepish excuses that anyone with half a brain could see through. You could tell in my voice and in my manerisms […]

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An online “friend” of sorts had told me one of his friends from HS/College hung herself while they were in College. He knew her since HS or something like that, but anyway, one day while they were in College, she hung herself. No one knew for days until somehow someone broke her door open (this was off campus).

Anyhow, I feel kinda jealous. Like this girl actually DID it. I mean, I’ve been suicidal since fucking forever, and wished I did it when I wanted to at age 7-9. Yes, I was already depressed and suicidal then. But back then […]

I want to kms so bad but I can’t do it for the moment.

I’m tired of suffering, I’m tired of this shit life.

Most of us on here DO NOT want to die- but rather we want a BETTER life, one that doesn’t seem to be available for many of us, despite several decades of suffering.