For your poems.
Torpor circulates
breeds
spewing maggots
through veins
hollow
and spindly
refreshing this
exercise
in futility.
For your poems.
Torpor circulates
breeds
spewing maggots
through veins
hollow
and spindly
refreshing this
exercise
in futility.
.. I’m so empty. Some talk to fill the space within. Some eat. Others listen to music. Maybe hang around with familiar strangers; go to drink and dance. My belly’s so full I don’t feel empty inside. So sleepy, so tired… soo alone.. I’ve turned 19 today. No longer a boy right? Still alone. Still afraid to be loved but oh how much I need somebody to embrace me. How much I want to embrace a girl and protect it. How afraid I am to love.. NO; I’m afraid of not being loved in return. I want to chain a girl and make […]
Encased, petrified
in the rigid amber
of a death grip;
their skeletal digits
gnarled, inhospitable
bring suffocation.
Ushering in softly
a traffic jam
of violent panic
in a parched throat
that no longer ferries
fatuous pleading.
I feel a distance
A disconnect
A million miles apart
My heart beat stings as it thumps inside my chest
With every beat I feel I am reminded of all the things in life that I’ve failed
Of all the things I’m ungrateful for
I see these children that have my dna
And I feel nothing on the daily except for sorrow
I hate that I’ve put them here
Hate that I’m selfish
Sometimes when I think about the life that’s growing inside I wish it would go away
And I immediately feel guilty
Because they never asked to make it their home
No, it was my own stupidity that got me here
When I laid down and let […]
I was reading some poems by Edna St. Vincent Millay And found one called “The Suicide”. It opens with the lines at the bottom of this post. I connected with the idea of cursing life and giving it up, but I was unnerved by the direction she took it. It ends with her in heaven, in eternal rest, but jealous of the other dead people and angels who get to serve her god. When she asks for a task, the God tells her no because her life was her task and she gave that up. Does the idea of life as an act of devotion […]
Lyrics:
Trouble, oh trouble set me free
I have seen your face and it’s too much, too much for me
Trouble, oh trouble can’t you see
You’re eating my heart away and there’s nothing much left of me
–
I’ve drunk your wine, you have made your world mine
So won’t you be fair, so won’t you be fair
I don’t want no more of you, so won’t you be kind to me
Just let me go where I’ll have to go there
–
Trouble, oh trouble move away
I have […]
Which perception do they shoulder?
“Pus sy”, or unknowing soldier?
Weakness, or internal sickness?
They’re indifferent to the difference.
Still, They’re still expecting stillness,
my distilled and filtered feelings,
for me to be as they are themselves, and
anticipating this unrelenting unrelating,
I hide myself away.
The urge for abortion is a plague, because I have this suprise unwanted pregnancy–
A malicious, mind-screwing sperm which has burrowed into the cerebral egg of my neurotransmitters by means of psychological rape–what really is this weight I carry?
This thing that grows inside of me?
This parasitic infancy?
The mucous walls of this mental placenta;
the membranes of this umbilical prison
is the shield that keeps me […]
Goodbye, world.
Softly spoken, harshly put. Drown my lungs beneath the lint.
You don’t know what you ever did, to even writhe the burning flint
To cog the space that missed your place, after you were sold at birth.
You walk around this callous town, 10 times to fetch the worth
Yea, kings and queens, and moderns too, all to try for worth of you
And decades now you curse the act, that ever made you this ones pact
Oh why, that only I should know, what doesn’t rip the ties we sew
But bounding like the calves we were, shielded, before the truth be shown
It’s like a […]
Peace towards those who wish to die,
even towards those who hate to cry,
being a guy and sensitive,
makes wish I wasn’t alive,
guy insecurities,
you have to be strong and not weak,
for I don’t know how to be strong for myself,
or for others,
it goes to show,
that being dead,
may seem better than to be alive,
for it is and for it is not,
we all need to live even if we wish to die.
And I am not even drinking alcohol anymore,
For how long will I live in this mind and body,
a slave to a genetic structure I am not allowed,
to destroy I tried once with the original intention to die but I panic I took the wrong sleeping pills or I didn’t take enough sleeping pills, damnit there is no one in this world willing to kill me not even myself.
She’s a drop of water
that doesnt believe in oceans or riversides;
A chameleon wearing a mask to distract
from the self she’s suppressing inside,
So eclipsed, so insistent on hiding the sun behind the shadows
It’s dark because the fire’s died-out.
She’s imprisoned in an invisible cell
forgot that she has the key
been there so damn long it seems normal to her
Doesn’t know how to set herself free
Why not move? Why not take some steps beyond those frightening doors?
It’s dark because the fire’s died-out,
But this light can be rekindled.
Im tired. But I’m not just tired because I need sleep and I’m not just tired because I’m exhausted. I’m tired of all of this bullshit. I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of trying so hard to not cry that I get a lump in my throat. I’m tired of balling my eyes out at night. I’m tired of the scars I’ll get and the way people will look at me when they see them at the beaches. I’m tired of all the pain. I’m tired living here. I’m tired of being on this earth. I’m tired of trying for people who don’t […]
For suicide
it seems like we want,
death,
for how long shall I live?
Until I die or until I cry?
Cry for what?
A better life?
To have a wife?
A girlfriend?
These questions linger in my mind,
Am I really a good person,
or am I just another hypocrite,
Or am I just a bad person,
for if I may how long will I live,
live for the sake of myself,
or for the sake of others,
and be a slave to a system that sold us all out,
for how shall the pain go away,
in the mind and body,
for a fragile peace,
that was built by war,
and destroyed countless lives,
while imprisoning others,
this world of ours,
it originally wasn’t our own,
as we […]
(poème de Baudelaire en Anglais et en Français)
The Desire for Annihilation (translated by William Aggeler)
Dejected soul, once anxious for the strife,
Hope, whose spur fanned your ardor into flame,
No longer wishes to mount you! Lie down shamelessly,
Old horse who stumbles over every rut.
Resign yourself, my heart; sleep your brutish sleep.
Conquered, foundered spirit! For you, old jade,
Love has no more relish, no more than war;
Farewell then, songs of the brass and sighs of the flute!
Pleasure, tempt no more a dark, sullen heart!
Adorable spring has lost […]
Lyrics:
Everyday nothing seems to change
Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things
and I, I can’t take it no more
I would leave this town, but I,
I ain’t got nowhere else to go
–
Wake up in the morning to more,
more bad news and I
sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,
It’s driving me out of my mind
Gonna catch the next train and I
move on down the line
–
I’ll be ready now
I’ll be […]
For the love of life,
but for the desire to die,
how shall we try?
I attempted suicide,
for I didn’t die just went to the psych ward or the looney bin if you prefer,
sure, I got the help I needed,
but even after that I still want to die,
for I am still uncertain about my future,
if I have a future at all, that is,
this life of mine is a living heaven and a living hell,
all on the earth also in the mind, body,
and soul if I even have a soul some of us wish for Annihilation I actually tried only once, now I am still alive this life is […]
It’s the name of a YouTube series by the channel “Cracked” i randomly found weeks ago. I find myself keep rewatching both seasons on a playlist. It covers topics like dating, depression, death/life, etc. through the eyes of a few random young adults animated. It just makes me feel like i’m not going through some of my issues alone, and i don’t mean that as in theres noone around to help me if I actually asked, but that there are other people with the same mindset as me about certain topics(even pass my depression/suicidal thoughts I’d never actually admit to to anyone I know(including myself)). […]
White through the curtains, white through the walls
White in our shoes, and staining the dolls
White through the eyes, of porcelain cracked
Where bits of the glass, held the pieces intact
Chests made of mirrors that reflect the make
Of the linen worn blouses, and sky colored fake
And the unbound attention we sought of the drones
Forever to lick at the sores of their clones
Drips the tongue,dry like they, effort deemed fail,
And failure brought pupils wide, reversing pride
Changing orders from the stale
Black inside, black inside.
It’s time to go now, brother pack your bags
He’ left the scissors, he left the rags
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