For your poems.
And I am not even drinking alcohol anymore,
For how long will I live in this mind and body,
a slave to a genetic structure I am not allowed,
to destroy I tried once with the original intention to die but I panic I took the wrong sleeping pills or I didn’t take enough sleeping pills, damnit there is no one in this world willing to kill me not even myself.
She’s a drop of water
that doesnt believe in oceans or riversides;
A chameleon wearing a mask to distract
from the self she’s suppressing inside,
So eclipsed, so insistent on hiding the sun behind the shadows
It’s dark because the fire’s died-out.
She’s imprisoned in an invisible cell
forgot that she has the key
been there so damn long it seems normal to her
Doesn’t know how to set herself free
Why not move? Why not take some steps beyond those frightening doors?
It’s dark because the fire’s died-out,
But this light can be rekindled.
Im tired. But I’m not just tired because I need sleep and I’m not just tired because I’m exhausted. I’m tired of all of this bullshit. I’m tired of being in pain. I’m tired of trying so hard to not cry that I get a lump in my throat. I’m tired of balling my eyes out at night. I’m tired of the scars I’ll get and the way people will look at me when they see them at the beaches. I’m tired of all the pain. I’m tired living here. I’m tired of being on this earth. I’m tired of trying for people who don’t […]
For suicide
it seems like we want,
death,
for how long shall I live?
Until I die or until I cry?
Cry for what?
A better life?
To have a wife?
A girlfriend?
These questions linger in my mind,
Am I really a good person,
or am I just another hypocrite,
Or am I just a bad person,
for if I may how long will I live,
live for the sake of myself,
or for the sake of others,
and be a slave to a system that sold us all out,
for how shall the pain go away,
in the mind and body,
for a fragile peace,
that was built by war,
and destroyed countless lives,
while imprisoning others,
this world of ours,
it originally wasn’t our own,
as we […]
(poème de Baudelaire en Anglais et en Français)
The Desire for Annihilation (translated by William Aggeler)
Dejected soul, once anxious for the strife,
Hope, whose spur fanned your ardor into flame,
No longer wishes to mount you! Lie down shamelessly,
Old horse who stumbles over every rut.
Resign yourself, my heart; sleep your brutish sleep.
Conquered, foundered spirit! For you, old jade,
Love has no more relish, no more than war;
Farewell then, songs of the brass and sighs of the flute!
Pleasure, tempt no more a dark, sullen heart!
Adorable spring has lost […]
Lyrics:
Everyday nothing seems to change
Everywhere I go I keep seeing the same old things
and I, I can’t take it no more
I would leave this town, but I,
I ain’t got nowhere else to go
–
Wake up in the morning to more,
more bad news and I
sometimes I feel like I was born to lose and I,
It’s driving me out of my mind
Gonna catch the next train and I
move on down the line
–
I’ll be ready now
I’ll be […]
For the love of life,
but for the desire to die,
how shall we try?
I attempted suicide,
for I didn’t die just went to the psych ward or the looney bin if you prefer,
sure, I got the help I needed,
but even after that I still want to die,
for I am still uncertain about my future,
if I have a future at all, that is,
this life of mine is a living heaven and a living hell,
all on the earth also in the mind, body,
and soul if I even have a soul some of us wish for Annihilation I actually tried only once, now I am still alive this life is […]
It’s the name of a YouTube series by the channel “Cracked” i randomly found weeks ago. I find myself keep rewatching both seasons on a playlist. It covers topics like dating, depression, death/life, etc. through the eyes of a few random young adults animated. It just makes me feel like i’m not going through some of my issues alone, and i don’t mean that as in theres noone around to help me if I actually asked, but that there are other people with the same mindset as me about certain topics(even pass my depression/suicidal thoughts I’d never actually admit to to anyone I know(including myself)). […]
White through the curtains, white through the walls
White in our shoes, and staining the dolls
White through the eyes, of porcelain cracked
Where bits of the glass, held the pieces intact
Chests made of mirrors that reflect the make
Of the linen worn blouses, and sky colored fake
And the unbound attention we sought of the drones
Forever to lick at the sores of their clones
Drips the tongue,dry like they, effort deemed fail,
And failure brought pupils wide, reversing pride
Changing orders from the stale
Black inside, black inside.
It’s time to go now, brother pack your bags
He’ left the scissors, he left the rags
I’m comatose I’m comatose i still feel out my soul alive for pain
My mind is so fucked up i killed my hope for real im trapped alone inside my brain
I won’t change i’ll go away i’ve had enough of real life blood and cuts to shield my pain im feeling drained
Cut my wrist embrace the pain love can’t fix today i’m shut with hate its changed me
I’m comatose Im comatose Im comatose all day and night
I watched my soul fall away and fall away from the light
A wasted life a wasted life im just counting time and chasing highs
Im sedated all beneath my eyes my […]
My hands are beaten, broken, bleeding;
My fists are clenched
to tight to come apart.
My knuckles torn against this epitaph in stone;
The scars grow deeper
with the pounding of my heart.
A wall still stands
as my feelings for you
that are too strong
for me to overcome.
A wall still stands
as a memory of you
so I can’t again let myself love someone…
so I can’t again let myself trust someone…
So I can’t again let myself f*ck someone…
So I can’t again let myself come undone…
All of me is very pathetic: I am not overweight, but am by no means strong, nor do I possess any significant measure of success or unique strength in any certain area. I work, eat- though sometimes I wish that I didn’t-, sleep, and spend the rest of the time just being lonely and writing about people that I see. It’s embarrassingly lame.
I am tired too: I don’t have anyone to just rest with. I watch porn because I’m so fracking lonely; I cry because it’s pathetic; then I pretend it didn’t happen, almost never really confronting it as an issue. I lie about it, […]
I step out..
Im trying to step out today..
In my heart
I feel the burden
I feel sick
Thats why I want to step out
Finding the reason why Im still alive
No one there
For me.. so..
I step back
I open the door
With hesitation I lock it
Its okay
Im telling myself
Its okay
Im trying to smile
Smile
Instead the tears drop
Im asking
Why Im still here
Dying is so hard to do
Living is so hard to do
I realize
Im just leftover
Wilting by myself
Deep in the sea
Out of this world
Craving to breath the happy life
I crawl […]
Two days without sleep, chasing distraction, finding no peace or satisfaction; terrified by anxiety and afraid to stop running or it will catch me. Drowning in a sea of mistakes with lungs full of guilt and a heart that aches; if only I could swim back to shore… but I can’t even breath, I can’t take anymore.
I have my soul sealed in a tomb
The whole me concealed by gloom
A night stroll in a minefield I’ll assume
Is a whole lot more pleasant than now
I have no control and it’s apparent that I’ll disallow
Any attempt to offer me aid
That just tempts me to fade
Away faster
_______________
me now: I was playing with a thing, and eventually it just went this way, and I’m uncertain how to feel about it…. So this is a decent way to hopefully maybe get some feedback, I’m not sure if it feels like it ends too abruptly or not, or if I should maybe try to unify it more, I […]
I’m never gonna get this right
So why do I keep up the fight?
Just run, just run
Before I give up
I’ll burn this world to the ground
So count me out
I’ll only ever let you down
Funny how everything you expect comes true
Did you ever think there was anything else I could do?
Give me back a way to find the light
Because I’m never gonna get this right
I can’t keep up the fight
So just run, please just run
Before I give up I’ll burn this world to the ground
So count me out
Take a minute to catch your breath
All that you thought you had is just a dream
Nothing is ever as it […]
not every person in your life is meant to stay.
when the newness fades and everything turns gray
and it seems as if everything is going astray,
sometimes you just have to let it go, let it fray.
sometimes you just have to part ways.
it may feel as if this departure is a delay
of your life- like you have wasted your days.
do not think of it that way.
do not think you are nothing, that is a downplay.
new, better people are coming, so make way.
Lay me down into the ground,
put flowers by my picture.
Say a little prayer,
read a little scripture.
When all is said and done I gave all that I had worth giving.
Look back upon my life, I’m through living.
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