I’m back. It’s been awhile, though little has gotten better.. School is stressing me out, one of my close friends has gone distant, and the cherry on top: my stepdad (the only father I’ve ever had in my life) has Kidney cancer… I tried to tell my friend about it, and she flat out says “I don’t want any bad news.” And I’m dumbfounded, so I apologize.. For trying to tell her something important, what’s wrong with me? And how could a friend be so ignorant to another friend’s problem… Especially one as bad as a family member having cancer. Heh.. It’s easier to tell […]
Rants
it’s kind of strange how and when you realize there’s something wrong with you. i haven’t really thought there’s anything wrong with thinking about death – i’ve been thinking about it for, what, the last three years now? it was almost like an unconscious epiphany that hadn’t hit me until, a few months ago, i stopped and just thought about it: what classifies as depression? what classifies as suicidal?
and for the longest time, i did not only believe, but i was convinced that i’m completely alright.
sometimes, i’d be trying to sleep at night, and i would think of how it would feel to hang myself. […]
Final Post: punk in drublic, and suicide as a pre and postmortem message
Through separation and divorce I have lost everything other than court appointed contact with my family: the ex-wife/best friend, my son, my 2 dogs. It feels like the work I’ve done to try and make this all come together as a family was for nothing. And it was.
Two weeks ago, I shot .375 grams of pure crystal meth into my arm and gave myself tachycardia but died slowly enough for the doctors to save me.
Monday, my legal benzo analogues came in the mail. They’re like xanax on steroids. I took a couple handfuls (that stopped my heart) and then woke up today with no memory […]
A few years ago I discovered that I liked girls as much as I liked boys. It was kind of earth shattering at the time because I was part of a family that was completely against the “gay agenda” as they called it. I know it’s the same old song and dance. My family doesn’t understand me- blah blah blah. I was really worried about telling any of them. I figured I would tell them if I actually had a girlfriend or something. No big deal.
I did meet someone that very year. The first girl I was really interested in. She ended up making some […]
Things lately have been pretty hard for me, going to my mom’s house and therefore leaving my dad’s house. My parentes breakup was something that really has affected me, before that I can’t remember a single thing in my life that isn’t perfect. I know my memory may be deceiving me but if it’s how you remember it, being real or not, for you it really happened. Memories can be so deceiving, but I know a perfect life or time doesn’t exist, life isn’t something this easy but I guess if it was there would be no fun in it, right?
Well, my father has depression […]
I Give Those Upper Classmen On My Bus My Thanks Sarcasitically!!! (Rants)
Are the people of society today kidding me? Like what is wrong with them all? Is it really funny to throw grapes at people while they’re talking to someone and it is none of their business to do anything like that?
A long while back earlier on the bus ride home from my high school I was pelted with grapes. There were no more than three, that hit but obviously were aimed at me and they were laughing about it! Is it really so funny to you to pick on people smaller and younger than you? For your information, and if I could snap my fingers I […]
This is the last fucking straw! I can’t get a known slum lord to rent to me because of my credit and my name change from a female name to a male name is surely the trigger that set him off, but he had already decided against renting to me before he even got my application. He didn’t look at anything. He just knew he didn’t want some freak there.
I’m too fat and ugly to ever be loved, laid, or even be accepted as a roommate. I’m destined to be homeless and alone and no one has any fucking idea what it’s like to be […]
I really hate the word reality. I hate when my mom storms in to my room and tells me that lying in bed and taking naps all the time isn’t reality. She tells me I have to get up and sometimes I feel like I can’t. I don’t want to and it would be heaven if I could stay in my bedroom forever. It’s my safe place and I feel like no one can hurt me here. Today my mom came in to my room and she told me I had to start […]
I genuinely believe that some people don’t belong in this world. This atmosphere is just too much for us and we need an escape. I am one of those people that just isn’t meant for this environment. I need a different way and I think heaven would be so great. I know it would be great. I just wish I had the courage and strength to go there.
Hello, everyone.
I am a miserable person, I hate my life. I know nothing will ever be perfect for me. Pointless. I am nothing more than a catfish, ugly on the outside and ugly on the inside.
I can’t go anywhere, I can’t see anyone, I can’t do anything. I am so tired of being so despised.
Sometimes I think I can do this, I can live like a normal person, but I can’t.
Happiness is so fleeting.
I long for that little rush of adrenaline that comes from someone loving you, but when they find out who I am they always leave me. Even if I tell you too […]
The world is sick.
There’s really nothing more profound to say than that, but I have a story to tell, it may be removed, rejected, have hate thrown at it, whatever, but when I’m going against the forces of the universe that are beyond my direct perception and control, that’s to be expected. I could go into every detail of how I know what I know and how I learned what I learned but no one wants to read about anything important, no, they don’t. So instead, here’s my story, with, an entertaining veil thrown over it to cover up all the “gruesome” details you don’t […]
Sorry if I ramble, or have half thoughts in here. I’m bad about jumbling things. But I just need to vent/rant.
So. I’m an accountant at a little accounting firm in my town. I’ve been working here since January and I graduated college last December, so they hired the biggest newbie, but they’re desperate for employees.
At first, I loved my job. I loved working during tax season and getting all this new real-life experience. I love doing payrolls and the sales tax. Also, I’m pretty nosy and like seeing confidential information in peoples’ personal lives (and I love being trusted to keep this information a secret). I […]
As the title states. Within the week I’ll be dead. I just need to make sure I get last minute things taken care of before I go. I have a few attempts in the past. Wrist cutting never did the trick no matter how deep I went. I’ll hang myself this time. I have the rope already set up at a perfect length for a drop hanging. And I know where I’m going to do it. I have hopes and dreams like most people. I unfortunately will not have them fulfilled. I am ex military, married but separated and had 2 girls with my wife. […]
I am so dissatisfied with my life. So much that if a natural disaster occurred to kill me or someone murdered me, I would probably be okay. I don’t want to commit suicide, or I guess I can’t. I’m too scared. I’ve thought about cutting, but I think about the pain and how I have to bring a knife to my skin, and I just can’t. I feel so stressed. I have so many dreams and goals that I want to achieve, but I know that my dreams are just dreams and that reality will catch up sooner or later. Reality that I’m not smart, […]
WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY DO YOU DO THIS TO ME YIU DINT KNOW HOW IT HURTS IT HURTS YOURE HURTING ME BUT YOURE TRYING TO HELP YOURE HURTING ME YOURE HURTING ME YOURE HURTING ME YOURE HURTING WHY WHY WHY WHY DONT YOU UNDERSTAND WHY WHY WHY WHY YOU COME IN SHOUTING AT ME SAYING “what’s going on? What’s going on?” BUT I DONT KNOW. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND. YOURE HURTING ME YOURE DRIVING ME CLOSER ANS CLOSER THOUGH YOURE TRYING TO HELP AND I APPRECIATE IT BUT PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE FUCK OFF. YOU DONT UNDERSTAND SO DONT INTERVENE. PLEASE LET ME […]
Every day when you wake up it’s three pills, choked down with juice. (Always juice, because having pills with water tastes like suicide.)
The one that’s supposed to keep you from killing yourself.
The one that’s supposed to make you talk and smile and act like you don’t have crippling anxiety.
The one that’s supposed to take away your mood. How dare you have emotions. How fucking dare you.
It’s bullshit.
There’s no way to measure whether it “works” or not. If you ask my parents, it doesn’t, because I’m still not normal. Like, so what if she feels happier and doesn’t generally want to throw herself off a roof? She […]
Just wish that people would give me space
Just wish my parents would leave me alone
Just wish I could grow up and leave
Just wish that i was smarter, prettier, more athletic
Just wish that everything would end
Just wish that I wasn’t born
Just wish that I didn’t feel this way
So where do I even begin? Well, I signed up for this website so I guess I should explain why. Currently, I am not thinking about suicide, but I have in the past and fairly recently thought about how I would do it, why I would do it, who I would hurt and so forth, and then I realized that if anything happened to me, no one would know why, so here I am. Telling all of you what I can’t tell anyone in person.
I’m 15, I turn 16 in three weeks. I have a job that’s pretty mediocre, get good grades, I’m what you […]
Ah, the beginning of the school year. Makes you want to tear up a little, doesn’t it? I mean, anxiety attacks are no stranger to me, so tearing up comes naturally. But hearing that first bell in the hallowed halls of Woodford High School made me cringe in my Vera Bradley backpack. Don’t get me wrong, getting to see the little freshman cower in fear was SSOO much fun, but seeing all the couples and relationships makes me want to smack my head on a wall. It’s fine though. The first day isn’t always as horrible as people make it out to be. I mean, […]
Wow. I haven’t been writing for 3 months and now I’m back again. It’s funny cause I thought I was doing so well. Turns out, I’ve been lying to myself. Yes, people have it worse than me but does that mean my problems don’t matter? I’m about to start college soon after graduating early one whole year. The expectation of everyone is really weighing down on me. The stress of handling everything, every action that I take from now on is being carefully watched and judged. I’m trying to handle so many things in my life and I think I’m getting overwhelmed again. I know […]