I can feel it. The pull to take a beer or any other drink I have every night, when the thoughts come creeping up. The sweet, blissful promise of release from the voices in my head and the cool, refreshing feeling as the liquid touches the back of my throat, giving me a sensation similar to falling into the arms of someone who cares. They won’t shut up, so I drown them. Just for tonight, because a permanent way to shut them up doesn’t seem to exist. A constant battle, day after day, always ending in my twisted, ironic victory. Like fighting a bomb – […]
Rants
I went back to school today and regretted it immediately upon entering the building. My head hurt, I was nauseous, and I was beyond tired. Within the first hour of school, I could feel myself slipping. I had to go to the bathroom during baking to get myself together and not break down in tears. The worst part is, I don’t even know why I was so upset.
I had my sociology exam, I probably did fine, but it felt like I wasn’t comprehending the questions, my eyes were just reading the words.
In creative writing, my teacher asked if anyone had not started their short story yet. […]
This world is really… How should I put it? Bland? Complicated? Most of my life is spent just living like a robot doing what’s expected of me and kind of just… not really connected to my body. Like I’m not really all that there.
I don’t know what I even want to do in life or why was I even born in the first place. Honestly, I feel like I’m useless. I don’t have any skills worth talking about, a coward and I’m socially awkward. I basically just there taking up space.
I hate my current job, it pays so little, and the union itself took a […]
Sometimes you have to stop listening to hear.
Today I found myself playing 8 distinct songs at once. Listening to a particular song in the sea of noise is actually quite easy. But when I tried to hear all at once, I couldn’t. As I tried to listen to each song individually, yet together, the more focused I became. And the more I failed. Soon songs, my hearing, became periodic and stuttered. Sure, I could hear a few songs together easily. But when I tried to pickup the fourth and fifth… Either I lost one of them or things became disjunct. I became bound by time […]
I will NEVER love myself. I can’t ever picture myself being confident or happy with who I am and happy with how I look. I hate every single thing about myself. I hate my eyes, I hate my hair, I hate my nose, my mouth, my chest, my body, my legs, everything. I hate everything. I can’t even live with myself at this point. I honestly can not picture ever being okay with myself, so if I’m going to live such a miserable life, why am I even alive?
I stayed home from school again today, that makes 18 missed days for the year. I don’t think I’m allowed to miss any more or else the school will take us to court. I’ll probably still miss more anyway.
I have exams for my college courses this week, and I honestly could not possibly care less about my grades. I’m not going to college, anyway. I probably won’t even make it to my high school graduation.
Since the beginning of the semester, I’ve known about my final for my creative writing class. It’s a short story that has to be a minimum of 25 pages, double-spaced. This […]
I am so sorry. I know I should not have done it, but I couldn’t live like this anymore. It’s nothing anybody did. It’s all my fault. I love you guys, I love everyone in my life, but the pain I’ve been going through is just to much and I can’t picture myself ever getting better or happy again. Thank you for everything you have done. It really did stick and it did mean something. I just can’t continue on living the way I was feeling. I love you all so much and I am so sorry, I really am. I have to do this, It’s […]
I wish she could tell me that I can die id die a million deaths for her that statement would be met quickly with my death then she could go on with her horrible boyfriend and have a family I’d stop hurting and annoying people my thoughts and actions are unforgivable even if she left him my future with her wouldn’t be good enough I’d hold her back all I ever wanted in my life was the marines to die in battle she changed that but I’m not certified for shit I have no intention going to college I’ll just hold her back she deserves […]
I seriously want to kill myself. More than anything. I said last night that I don’t think I deserved to live and his response was “Who are you to judge who lives and who dies”. Surprisingly that may have just proved how useless I really am. I am much more of a burden than I am worth. I hate myself. I hate the way I look. I hate the way I speak. I hate my unbreakable habits. I wish that at the very least I could cut deep enough to seem legit, but all I am is a superficial, self absorbed, burden on the earth. […]
I am a writer, as most are on this page. I came across this page completely by accident but I guess it wasn’t. I am 16 years old and way to young to be thinking about this topic to some. To me I think that at around this age you are trying to figure out where you belong and what people best suit you. I have been bullied which applys for a lot of people. A lot of people have left mentally and physically and there was and is nothing I can do about it. I thought that maybe I can make a difference with […]
If you are on this site you obviously feel suicidal. But I have something to say. Reading the comments something had come to my mind. Most of you post something saying your bad people and worthless etc but by reading the comments it came to my mind that your all good people. None of you deserve to die because your helping others. I read some of the comments on my posts and honestly it made me feel better and like there are people out there who care about others even though we don’t know eachother. This world is full of scum but people like you […]
Hi. I’m Frank. Well, not really Frank. My real name is incredibly far from what my screen name suggests however, it is true of myself. I am honest and I am a writer. Before I go any further, I might as well mention that I have a degree in Psychology. Isn’t that lovely? I do not want anybody’s sympathy, I do not want anybody’s feedback, I merely am here to put the priper thoughts in its proper place.
I guess you can say that I have no right to be depressed or suicidal. Well, you’re right. I should be an advocate of good mental health […]
Well I’ll start off with when it all started, about 5 years ago. I made the worst desicion of my life and I will still never tell anyone what happened. I got bullyed at school for years every single day. Nobody would give me a break. I regretted what I had done and everyday people treated me bad. I felt worthless. I stopped caring about everything because nobody cared about me. Only one of my cousins did. I started robbing houses, shoplifting etc. I would smoke weed and just get up to michief with my friends. I started getting in heaps of trouble with the […]
Went to counselor today, had a really good session with this new counselor for the first time. Come home, Mom wants to know how the session went. Then Mom proceeded to say how the counselor doesn’t know anything. Mom somehow thinks she’s the expert and has all the answers on how to fix my life. Then later on I’m in another room of the house and I can hear her and my Dad bad-mouthing me. I’m glad they let me live here during this divorce process, but they FUCKING DRIVE ME CRAZY !!! Can anyone relate to this?
I could commit suicide. I know what it would do to my family. Sometimes that is enough but the probability of future despair and current pain. If I have no hope it will get better, why bother.
I’ve researched several ways to commit suicide. Most of what I read indicate a limited amount of success. I’d never use a gun, too messy. I’ve always gravitated towards RX and OTC drugs, My first attempt was Seroquil. I didn’t take enough, You need at least 10,000 mg. I’ve considered sixty Unisome. From what I’ve ready it may or may notwork
I’m not actively seeking, but I have a criteria of events that will steer me that way. I dunno, I just can’t cope.
I don’t know what to do, I’ve been cutting since Fall 2013 and I just love the feeling, I hate being depressed but also love it at the same time. I recently got a boyfriend and he absolutly hates me ever being sad and he won’t let me cut, and if i do he’ll get really mad and will yell at me. I always feel like he wants to say “I hate you” if i do something wrong like cut myself. I really miss the feeling of cutting and I don’t know what to do.
Hi. I don’t really know how to start this… So I guess I will just say it as straight forward as possible. I have become what I think is depressed. I haven’t really gone to a specialist or anything. When I was younger, like before I was 7, my grandfather started to molest me. I don’t really remember how it started. In fact, I have little to no memory of between the ages of 4-7. I didn’t see my grandfather often so I guess I just forgot about it. When I was 8 I saw him a little more often. It was like at least […]
but its just so hard….. I suffer from manic depression and existential anxiety. two days ago, I stood by a main road and contemplated jumping in front of a car. my mind told me that I wanted to die, but it also told me that I might die, and I was afraid. my father ran to me and pulled me away. my mom is mainly the reason… she hits me and tells me im worthless. I don’t tell the authorities because every time I try my mom says that she know how to hit me in ways that wont leave a mark and that they […]
I’ve been on the same routine now for almost 3 months now. I wake up, have a shower, go to college, and think about nothing else except taking my own life. I barely manage to get out of my own bed. I don’t feel motivated to do anything anymore, and I’m hanging by a thread. Loneliness and misery is all what I have left. I have no friends, no girlfriend, my family doesn’t give a rat’s ass about me. I’m all alone. The only thing that manages to make my face light up is food. The only time I feel happy is when I eat. […]