Well after calling and waiting for a call back and calling and waiting for a call back and so on and so forth since fucking December, I tried calling the admissions office again today and still nobody picked up. Albeit I called around lunch but when else am I supposed to call? I rarely have any fucking time. Of course I tell my father about this and all he has to say is “I don’t think they want to talk to you anymore. You kinda let that ship sail.” when they haven’t TALKED to me ONCE since I got the application, and I haven’t heard […]
Rants
I wish we could all be the same,
I want you to understand
How I completely reck myself as part of some master plan to deplet whatever good is left
So I know there is absolutely no reason for me to go on, there’s absolutely no reason for me to be depressed
I wish we could all forget,
The names we call ourself
The lies we tell ourself
That makes us who we are not.
I pray there is no hell, I pray that the ultimate
see me for how I see it, and […]
This time I’ll do things differently
This time I’ll act immediately
This time, I’ll keep an overview
Has anyone else on here watched those two South Park episodes about depression? They’ve been keeping me sane (i.e. as sane as possible) for the past 21 hours or so. It’s been quite a while since I last watched them, and they feel even more relevant now. That’s not a good thing, of course, but at least I have something to make me feel less alone in all of this.
Damn it… Please, just let this day be over.
Looking at my posts, they just all seem so whiny. They’re all just me complaining and being weak and wanting attention. I will not let myself have attention, I don’t deserve attention by whining about things, so I’m just gonna stop posting.
I really don’t understand why people are so shocked to see slit wrists.
Like, is it not a common occurrence for you to see a depressed teenager wanting relief from his/her problems?
I just came back from buying several art materials. When I handed the money I needed to pay, the person in the cashier straight out asked me, “Why on earth do you teenagers follow stereotypical emos? Is cutting a trend now?”
I felt offended..
It’s not like I chose to be fucking depressed and pressured to the point I cut my own fucking self for relief.
hello.. this is my very first post. I have been lurking since the day that twix started posting. She touched me quite deeply, and made me wish that I could leave, as well. I don’t really want to die, but I have completely forgotten how to live. I also have no energy to live. Since I started lurking I have read almost all the posts, they help me on a daily bases. Each one of you is perfectly unique. I especially enjoy the posts and comments of cordless. You are so careful with your words, and show amazing grace and humility. It will take me […]
There is no excerpt because this is a protected post.
I want to try something, for all of us. I recently sat down with my therapist and essentially explained what I was going through when I am depressed, considering suicide, making the plans.
After I was done, I felt so much better. I told someone exactly how it felt being tortured inside. And I want you all to do it here.
Write a few sentences (short might speak the loudest). Find music or a work of art. Make a video. Anything that calls out and resonates deep in you, and share with the world what it’s like.
Let me start out by saying this:
“Depression is sitting under a scalding shower, trying […]
I cut (yet again) about 3 hours ago after 2 years of having gotten over it. Yeah, it sucks… I did it in the middle of a party. I was the only depressed asshole there and no one noticed or gave a damn.
So… yeah… how much time does it take for a scar to heal?
Full moons around the corner and my sleep is getting worse
getting angry, 45 days sober, on house arrest in the middle of nowhere, court in November, could be looking at jail again
But I’m not looking that far. I’ve set a date for my suicide, if I still feel like it in June I’m going to kill myself.
started working again. Forgot how much I hate the farm, the hours suck, pay is horrible, work with a boss that hates me. Step dad’s suck balls. Real dads forgot about me. Chronic pain, need a hip replacement.
Wish I wasn’t an alcoholic, a good drunk would be awesome right […]
I can’t help it. I’ve always been short for a guy but it never bothered me until a couple of years ago when my hair started shedding. I don’t want to be short and bald. Plus, I’m convinced that my hair loss isn’t normal – I think I’ve developed some kind of food allergy because after eating certain foods my face looks like it’s retaining water and the circles under my eyes get darker.
My parents won’t let me get tested because they say it’s too expensive and they claim they don’t notice any of the issues I’m talking about. It makes me feel like I’m […]
I lost the few friends I had today because I’m such a jerk. I had another snow day today so me and my friends were playing Team Fortress 2 on a x10 server. I was using an overpowered weapon and one of my friends was getting really mad at me, and since I’m such s bad person I continued doing it because I thought it was funny. After a bit everyone left the server and joined another one. I joined the game, not knowing that they left to get away from me and I started being a douche again. Eventually everyone got fed up and […]
I wish I had more energy, but life beats me down relentlessly. I’ve been unable to breathe for the last few weeks. Cold weather really messes with my lungs and turns them into bags of endless mucus and the slightest move I make causes me to hack up a lung… which is really making it 1000x harder to get around, on top of my normal disabilities.
I had to tell a friend of 8 years to fuck off because she really screwed with my feelings. Or,s he showed she doesn’t give a fuck about my feelings. On a Monday she asks me to ask if I can […]
The more I think about it the more I realize I’m just not a nice person. I can’t remember the last time I made someone happy. I’m just too selfish and lazy to care about too many people and I hate myself for this. Sometimes I just wish I stopped feeling the small amount of happiness I do feel so that I could do nothing but try and make people happy. But I can’t, and that’s why I’m just a waste of living flesh that doesn’t deserve to live. The only reason I’m still alive is because I’m scared to take my own life. Whenever […]
(….all of the words I wish I could say….)
My dearest,
I know you will never see this, however, I have to get this off my chest. I can pretend for a little while, at least for a fleeting moment, that you’ll see this note and your sea blue eyes will look on my words. I can dream, anyway– even if I have not slept for two days, I can day dream that you will read this. I can pretend you’re here, and that this nightmare that has become life never began.
This nightmare used to be a story of friendship and love, but it is now something […]
(I apologize in advance for any spelling errors, I suck at using a touchscreen)
Ok, well my story is probably nothing special, I just need to get this out somehow, but as you can probably tell I have suicidal depression. Their really isn’t much bad about my life, I just really hate myself, I literally (actual literally, not figuratively literally) have no redeeming qualities whatsoever. I hate my personality, I hate my gender, I hate that I’m asexual, I’m 16 and I watch My Little Pony, I’m incredibly stupid, I hate how I look so much that I can’t stand looking in a mirror and I […]
This is a first, reaching out because I’ve reached my end thinking this is going to take so much energy to write and expecting no response it hardly seems worth the effort. I’m a walking contradiction… I’ve read a few enteries and like some of you, I suffered a horribly abusive childhood however I can’t get over it. That said, I’m house bound, self inflicted. I haven’t left my house in ages, afraid of being judged, having to talk, seeing someone I know and having to pretend that my life is perfect which it isn’t. I’ve lots of bad habits, one of many is talking […]
Okay, so maybe this is a bit unfair of me to ask at this moment in time…..as I haven’t never posted till tonight. BUT:
Have any of you ever really felt numb? I thought I had and I had to some rearguards….however tonight and as of this week, I realize something more.
And pls forgive me ahead of time, I have been drinking, but this is something I have found this past week…and I am sitting here…still waiting for my CHURRO!!! As if anyone can hear me, while the band is playing loud and I have turned down several offers of dances….I should probably take someone up […]
Well, here I am again, after a fairly long break… And once again, all I want is to die.
F**k. I can’t take this anymore. I’m out of ideas for how to make things better. I really have tried.
So a couple months ago I found out I had been selected to go to a international competition to represent my country in a sport I compete in (There are about 5 countries involved and this is for high school aged kids). Anyways it’s still in a couple of months and there are lots of things that could happen that prevent me from going before then. But anyways, let me get to the point, my family; Grandparents, parents etc. have been telling almost everyone, someone actually posted it on FB for all there friends to see, and I know they are just supporting me and […]