I apologize too much.
I’m sure the same thing can be said a lot of people, but I know personally that when I screw up, I apologize over and over because I honestly don’t know how else to be forgiven. I get mad at myself if I can’t seem to get a person to reconcile with me even if I’ve tried reconciling with them already. I’m not the most eloquent person you’ll ever meet. And for any of you who know me, you know I’m far from it. But I don’t need to be eloquent for you to understand a feeling, a concept. Those are […]
Relapse is such a *****. Things were going so well for me. Why did I visit my old box? What did i expect to feel when i picked up my old blades? Repulsion? Disgust? Or maybe i knew i would get the release i had been looking for. Maybe i knew that the urge i had been fighting all this time would finally be satisfied. I know i started feeling a bit lost when i realized my scars were fading. Why that is? I honesty dont know. Im ashamed by the lack of will power i had this time around. Seven months of no self […]
I have a stepsister who goes through all the shit I do and shes my only family I have left. Shes 17 and just found out that she wont be able to leave home cuz of legal troubles my stepdads fault but I walked into our bedroom and found her sobbing on her bed. Her wrists were cut so deep it was scary you could see the bone only a little bit but still the cuts went the whole way up her arm. I ran out of the room to get a towel and gauze I was gone for like 5 minutes and when I […]
DON’T YOU DARE
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJxgrSCZJ1s
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother, father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will […]
My life hasn’t been easy. I lost my family in a car crash when i was 2. I get beat, starved and sexually assauled by my adopted family. I cut and attempted suicide 5 times. My stepdad even uses me for sex. I will get tied down and he gets paid for perverts to come in and use me. Ive moved around so much in my life, the longest ive been somewhere was a month 1/2. Ive tried to tell teachers, cops, parents etc. but no one would beilve me because of my ADHD and being in the psych center as much as i have.
At […]
I just want to cry. I can’t. I want to be depressed. I can’t. I want to fall apart. I can’t. I don’t miss it, at all. I just… I can’t anymore. My life is pretty steady. Easy going. I laugh, smile, I’m generally happy I just want to break. Fall down. I just can’t cry. I’m not allowed. I won’t let myself. I can’t go back. I’ve learned a lot, seen a lot, done a lot. I just want to be a mess. I know that won’t fix anything. I’ve been holding on. Everyone around me is happy, I’m happy. Why do I want […]
Hi there, I posted here about a month ago, maybe a month and a week, when I’d felt like killing myself. I’d just had been through a breakup with the first guy I ever liked, and I was stressed about college, and a variety of things happened that contributed to the feeling. However, this post isn’t like that. This is a happy post, mostly.
To start off with, when you love someone, it’s either going to end in a harsh break up or marriage. Â Usually at a younger age, it’s a break up. Â There’s not a whole lot I can say on the matter except this […]
So as anyone who has been around for a while and saw my last post knows, I said that I would reduce posting here, mostly because I was doing so well that I didn’t feel like I needed to anymore. This has mostly continued, few bad days or weeks here and there, but all up 2013 has been the best year I’ve had since 2010 by a long shot. Anyway I recently went back over all my posts and one in particular caught my eye. It was written a year ago yesterday and basically mentioned how I was turning 17 on the 9th and only […]
Just a couple of days ago I realized I was asexual and since I’ve been quite happy.
I’ve always been disgusted by sex and was never really attracted to anyone and knowing what I am gives me a sense of contentment.
The only thing that’s bothering me is my friends and girlfriend dont seem to understand…
I still love my girlfriend, and I’ll be able to love other people, I just don’t want anything to do with sex.
I still want to get married and adopt children, but they don’t understand.
I’m also afraid that when I tell my parents they’ll treat treat me like […]
On the lighter note of my life, I think I may have found some sort of purpose, or at least something to get my mind off my problems. It fills my time up.
Writing.
I’ve been writing for a while now, and I think I’m pretty good at it. I’ve posted some stories on Wattpad, and while they’re not very popular, they’re getting there. I try to write kind of up beat stories, but most just end up sad. It’s great therapy in my opinion. Instead of focusing on how much my life sucks, or how much I need a drug, I’m writing.
So far, after a slip […]
Am I wrong for saying if people want to hurt/ kill themselves it’s okay? o – o
Like I understand if your crying out for help and want to change that’s okay, and I’ll even try to help.
Because if you were really going to kill yourself you wouldn’t say anything… or at least I wouldn’t…
Any ways It wouldn’t matter what people say.. but if your really trying and looking for a reason not to do it message me on my email and I’ll talk to you I will be there for you.
Sorry to the people that will be & were, Â “Butt-Hurt.” By my thoughts.
If you are […]
I have been through a lot but mainly it’s been all in my head but I’m proud that I’m here still, alive and fighting! Each day is a struggle but there are moments in each day that I am thankful to have been their to experience it. Hope is that glimmer of light in the dark tunnel, that peace of mind that you get once in a while and most importantly “tomorrow”. I’ve cried myself to sleep most nights and I’ve even had no sleep once but through it all I was just happy to be alive. Pain is a good thing because it means […]
I go to bed, and know i’m going to lie there crying, hoping that i was dead, because the truth is? Nobody cares, i get treated like im invisible, i’m not there, because everybody would prefer it that way, i’m ugly, annoying, and i just sit there there and act like i’m not there, i go through everyday hoping that when i go to sleep that night? Everything will be different, that i won’t want to be dead, that i will go to sleep happy, not caring about what people think about me, how do people have that self confidence? How do people go everyday […]
On may 30th, I swallowed 80 Tylenol pills. Beforehand I hadn’t done enough research on whether that would kill you or not but I thought it surely would. About 20 minutes after my mom came to my room to check in on me because she knew I was suffering from depression for over a year. At that point I was very sad and bawling. I thought that was the end. My mom started to hug me and asked me if I wanted to go out and what was wrong and I immediately shooed her away I didn’t want her there because I love her dearly […]
I don’t really talk much about my suicide attempt but when I do, I get choked up and cry. She didn’t know much about it but today, at her house she happened to be looking through my blog and read what I wrote on my day back from the hospital. I couldn’t even look at her. She held me as I cried, and she did nothing but hold me for a while. I don’t know how she does it. How she can be around me, someone so broken and torn between life and death all the time, and still manage to fucking smile. How she […]
Trying to kill myself was the best thing that could’ve happened. Because if I hadn’t tried to and if I hadn’t failed, I wouldn’t feel the urge to change how I felt and I wouldn’t have gone to Four Winds. It was tricky, I had just enough of the Nortatryptaline to go into coma but I just ended sleeping for a straight 48 hours. I then didn’t leave my house for an entire week and was drinking so much, I decided physical pain would have been the answer to everything. I cut the word help into my arm and cried myself to sleep that night. […]
I noticed quite a lot of people post about how they should commit suicide…and quite a lot of people try to stop them.
I have mixed feelings about this actually. I think it’s stupid you’re asking suicidal people how to kill yourself. This website isn’t here to HELP US commit suicide it’s here to PREVENT US from it.
But at the same time I understand. I mean some people are too far gone and it’s their time, and theres nothing we can do about it. Some suicidal people don’t want help and maybe you shouldn’t shove it in their faces. Some of these people have probably heard […]
This is my second post. today hadn’t been that good. I’ve been floating in and out of sadness and depression. I’ve begun considering going to see a psychiatrist for my problems; hopefully they’ll be able to answer some of my questions because… I don’t understand this…
Each night I go to sleep, hoping I won’t wake up. During the night I wake and watch the shadows drift around me and beg God to never let it end, to just let those shadows stay forever and take me away into the darkness. Then when the sun rises I’m still breathing and I curse my own being. Getting […]
I’ve only been on here for a few days but I already feel at home here.
I don’t know most of you, but I consider each and everyone of you as family.
In our family we’re accepted no matter how weird we are. We’re here for each other no matter what. No matter what your problem is there are people here who understand and who want to help. I really admire that in us.
We might all be broken and on the verge of death, but that’s okay. We’re all here to be repaired and to try and strive for the best.
You’re not alone in this world.
This website […]
So…I’ve got a lot of mental problems, but that hasn’t stopped me from helping out other people with problems. My friend asked me something the other day that got me thinking…
What gives me, a person with too many problems to count, the right to tell people what to do about their own problems?
My argument was that, no I don’t have a right. But who on the internet does?
I may not be qualified, but I’m suffering through this for a reason. And that reason is to help others with the same problems.
I haven’t overcome my problems because I don’t want help. I’m too far gone for […]