It took all i had to make this. I couldn’t be any more proud. Days are still hard but I’m happy I reached this point.
Stories of Hope
I posted this here one day:
Cameron,
I fell in love with you the moment your eyes saw mine. Shivers played at me when you were close. Your beautiful black hair, and those dark grey blue eyes. Tall, freckles, always in my favorite color. Black. You were perfect. Perfect for me. But…I apparently wasn’t perfect for you…I know we talked once…maybe twice…but the sound of your voice made me want to cry tears of happiness…
Ugh, wow. Sounding like a total stalker now. Great.
Whatever. Not like you know who I am. You wouldn’t remember me. Yknow, the girl always glancing at you. The shy girl wearing your favorite […]
January 25, 2013 I met the love of my life.
I’m 15, he’s 21. On January 26th we got together, knowing full well what could happen if we were to get caught. But we did research, we looked up laws. We were suppose to be okay as long as two things stood.
We didn’t have sex, and my parents consented..
On March 26th my dad found out the Nick was really 21. He told him he was never to see me again, telling me that even if he consented he […]
To everyone who is thinking about killing them self tonight.
To everyone who is thinking about cutting them self tonight
To everyone who is thinking about throwing up tonight.
To everyone who is thinking about not eating tonight.
Please. Listen to me. I’m where you are. I’m young. I’m lost. I have no hope. No desire to keep going on.
But your reading this now aren’t you?
Please I know you see a light at the end of the tunnel, I’ve seen it my self for many years. I’m hear on this site because I’m trying to get closer to the light. I want to, deep down in side.
Live.
So please, fight […]
Is it a society full of fuck ups,
Or a society full of hate,
A society full of villains,
Or a society with no faith,
I don’t know what they want me to do,
They see me as a delinquent,
But that’s what my record tells you,
I’ve grown since then,
You can just look at my health,
And easily see,
that I’m not my old self,
I may be still broken,
But I’ve gotten some will,
To stand up and say,
That what I’ve done takes skill,
Damn right I’m strange,
But who isn’t in this place,
They say I can change,
But it’s too late to save face,
I don’t care much either what you think of me,
If you really think my […]
Lyrics to a song have always been a huge deal for me, I like to always decipher them and hear the inner story… I came across a song I hadn’t heard in years. Hearing the familiar song made me cry, not the silent kind of tears, but the body shaking sobs that take you over for hours at a time… The kind of cry session that makes you think of every single event in your screwed up twisted life. The words to the song spinning in your head over and over again…
It was probably the most amazing thing I have ever felt… Finally […]
“Hey did you hear about that bridge on road (insert address here)? Its apparently haunted. Yeah a girl committed suicide there. They say you can still hear the echo of her brain matter splatter when her head bounced off the pavement.”
Ok so i am dramatic but for the love of god I dont want to end up being that ONE place that all the drunken teenagers go to see “ghosts”.
I am so hollow inside. I always thought that I am doing something important, something that will make me perfect. but now i am realizing that that was all bullshit, hypocrisy, painting the circumference while inside was all empty. I don’t know when did i became such a hypocrite. maybe i always was. i always wanted to do something big, achieve something great. back then, when it all started, one of my fears was to have a difference between thought and action. and it seems that fear has now come true. and with what magnitude! I tried to be spiritual, i tried to be philosophical, […]
I have survived many things. But lately everything comes back as one big nightmare. I’ve lost my best friend and myself. I don’t know what to do with my life. It’s like it has no meaning, kinda seems that if I were to leave no one would notice. No one would care. I hate myself I can’t do anything fucking right. Life is a big pile of shit. They say we all have a purpose but if you can’t find your fucking “purpose” then what’s the point. Everyone tells me to kill myself anyways. I’m at the point that you just no longer know what […]
I apologize too much.
I’m sure the same thing can be said a lot of people, but I know personally that when I screw up, I apologize over and over because I honestly don’t know how else to be forgiven. I get mad at myself if I can’t seem to get a person to reconcile with me even if I’ve tried reconciling with them already. I’m not the most eloquent person you’ll ever meet. And for any of you who know me, you know I’m far from it. But I don’t need to be eloquent for you to understand a feeling, a concept. Those are […]
Relapse is such a *****. Things were going so well for me. Why did I visit my old box? What did i expect to feel when i picked up my old blades? Repulsion? Disgust? Or maybe i knew i would get the release i had been looking for. Maybe i knew that the urge i had been fighting all this time would finally be satisfied. I know i started feeling a bit lost when i realized my scars were fading. Why that is? I honesty dont know. Im ashamed by the lack of will power i had this time around. Seven months of no self […]
I have a stepsister who goes through all the shit I do and shes my only family I have left. Shes 17 and just found out that she wont be able to leave home cuz of legal troubles my stepdads fault but I walked into our bedroom and found her sobbing on her bed. Her wrists were cut so deep it was scary you could see the bone only a little bit but still the cuts went the whole way up her arm. I ran out of the room to get a towel and gauze I was gone for like 5 minutes and when I […]
So you want to end your life? Giving up? Lost? No one to talk to? I’m here.. No judgement. Read this first then talk to me! If it didn’t change your perspective, maybe i can.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zJxgrSCZJ1s
Before you decide to take your life, imagine who will find you. Imagine them walking into a room, and seeing you just hanging there. Whether it be your little sister, little brother, mother, father, grandparents, a friend. Imagine what will happen when they find you. No, they will not say “Finally, they’re gone.†No, they will not say “I’m happy they did that.†No, they will not say “I never loved them anyways.†They will die. Their hearts will break. […]
My life hasn’t been easy. I lost my family in a car crash when i was 2. I get beat, starved and sexually assauled by my adopted family. I cut and attempted suicide 5 times. My stepdad even uses me for sex. I will get tied down and he gets paid for perverts to come in and use me. Ive moved around so much in my life, the longest ive been somewhere was a month 1/2. Ive tried to tell teachers, cops, parents etc. but no one would beilve me because of my ADHD and being in the psych center as much as i have.
At […]
I just want to cry. I can’t. I want to be depressed. I can’t. I want to fall apart. I can’t. I don’t miss it, at all. I just… I can’t anymore. My life is pretty steady. Easy going. I laugh, smile, I’m generally happy I just want to break. Fall down. I just can’t cry. I’m not allowed. I won’t let myself. I can’t go back. I’ve learned a lot, seen a lot, done a lot. I just want to be a mess. I know that won’t fix anything. I’ve been holding on. Everyone around me is happy, I’m happy. Why do I want […]
Hi there, I posted here about a month ago, maybe a month and a week, when I’d felt like killing myself. I’d just had been through a breakup with the first guy I ever liked, and I was stressed about college, and a variety of things happened that contributed to the feeling. However, this post isn’t like that. This is a happy post, mostly.
To start off with, when you love someone, it’s either going to end in a harsh break up or marriage. Â Usually at a younger age, it’s a break up. Â There’s not a whole lot I can say on the matter except this […]
So as anyone who has been around for a while and saw my last post knows, I said that I would reduce posting here, mostly because I was doing so well that I didn’t feel like I needed to anymore. This has mostly continued, few bad days or weeks here and there, but all up 2013 has been the best year I’ve had since 2010 by a long shot. Anyway I recently went back over all my posts and one in particular caught my eye. It was written a year ago yesterday and basically mentioned how I was turning 17 on the 9th and only […]
Just a couple of days ago I realized I was asexual and since I’ve been quite happy.
I’ve always been disgusted by sex and was never really attracted to anyone and knowing what I am gives me a sense of contentment.
The only thing that’s bothering me is my friends and girlfriend dont seem to understand…
I still love my girlfriend, and I’ll be able to love other people, I just don’t want anything to do with sex.
I still want to get married and adopt children, but they don’t understand.
I’m also afraid that when I tell my parents they’ll treat treat me like […]