For those who have passed on.
I loved you more than my own life…
but I chose your peace over my presence
Category:
Stories of Loss
My mind is doing that thing where I remember everyone that I used to have in my life, everyone that left. I’m wondering, not for the first time, if every single relationship and friendship fell apart because of me. If multiple people decide that I’m not worth staying for then something I do or a part of who I am must be the reason. I’ve tried to change parts of myself a few times, act like some sort of chameleon that fits in perfectly to what someone wants. It used to work for a short while, allow me to make a temporary home in a […]
Well here I am all alone again. Here I am on suicide message board because I have no one to talk to. I just got out of almost 3 year relationship and it hurts so bad. It ended mutually but I’m to blame. My mental health never been too good, from bipolar to depression to god knows what, I guess it took a toll on her just like everyone else in my life. I’m literally a cancer, I hurt everyone I know, and as I should’ve known, they all go away in the end because of me. I’m literally the worst human to have ever […]
I should be a mom. They should be here. I would go through the pain I went through a million times over if it meant just one of them would be here with me today.
My babies,
I think about all four of you. I wonder what you would’ve been like. I wonder what you would look like. I miss you so much it almost feels like I held you in my arms. I’m so sorry my body wasn’t strong enough. I’m so incredibly sorry that I couldn’t carry you all the way. You were so, so very wanted. The […]
I will be writing my mum’s obituary and a eulogy then I will make a start on my suicide note
by LondonEllie
written by LondonEllie
I do not yet know the precise method outside of asphyxiation. It’s funny because as a child I had an intense and recurring dream that I died by drowning in a previous life. Looks like it’s going to be similar in this life, in terms of breathing.
My mum died last week and I absolutely cannot and will not continue in life without her.
I hope there is an after life or reincarnation (though ideally I would just have a lifelong rest).
My biggest fear is something interrupting what I do and I awake but with a severe disability and can then never do anything for myself but […]
So lets start from the beginning back to the pandemic. Honestly I consider the pandemic the best time of my life! Despite it being terrible for everyone else, it was truly the best. I had lots of friends I spoke to everyday, school was incredibly easy, and my parents were proud of me. Fast forward to the July 2021 and I realize I am fucking trans. It was the worst! I knew I was bisexual for most of my life (despite me constantly hating myself for it AMAB btw), but now I was trans? Fuck. So I came out the month later and mom didn’t […]
There is no meaning of life. We just exist, and die. And life goes on, and on, and on. For million, billion of years, etc etc etc.
We are just a speck of dust in the vast universe, in the grand scheme of things.
Of course, 90% (or 99%?) of people (human beings) will always try to find or give ‘meaning/purpose’ in their own insignificant lives, because the reason is simple: it’s survival instinct. Human beings (people) will (usually) try to keep living, keep surviving, no matter what. It’s evolutionary. It’s in human nature.
Even if it means people (humans) will create anything as their toxic positivity […]
When someone has a simple (singular) problem, usually and logically there will be a simple solution. For example, there’s something in a person’s nose, they’ll sense an itch or tickle and naturally sneeze.
If that doesn’t resolve, they might next try self-help such as over-the-counter medicine.
Eventually, if their remedies fail, they will seek a medical professional, and then the medical care will bring healthy closure. But let’s say it gets worse, first prescriptions fail, then chronic sinus infections, etc. Usually, a doctor’s last resort is surgery—because of the inherent risks and not guaranteed final results. If all fails, then ultimately the health problem will lead to […]
I am a 22-year-old male. I grew up in an abusive house and was never shown what love really was. I did everything I could to stay away from home but was always pulled back by the threats. My dad said he would hurt my mom, my mom said she would hurt herself. Everything was put on me. I had to hold my entire family together while I was already falling apart. When I was eight years old I went walking down the street to my friend’s house (just a few houses down, not like my parents cared anyway) and the cop that lived across […]
Just started the new school year and most of my friends weren’t treating me like one. They’d say no to hanging out, no to anything they shut down all conversation I tried to make. This went on for the first week and I dumped then all
I feel horrible. I don’t think I did anything that bad to all of them
And it’s not like they were in a bad mood they were friendly and shit to each other
I’ve known them all since like primary..nfjcnxmxmxmxnslssk.
I get attached easily and I hold on to things tightly so please don’t let my mind want things that I can’t handle dont let my mind trick me into wanting things I don’t need or things that are not good for me, please don’t let my heart miss people who don’t miss me. Don’t let my heart long for the ones who left. Don’t let my heart fall in love with someone who doesn’t want to stay.
I know you’re plan is un, known but until you reveal it to me. PLEASE make it easier. Don’t let me hold on to what I need to […]
trying to maintain my mental health thru someone
someone that love me and know my story
weve been together since 2010
from a friend to best friend to love
from cheerful to depressed version
started to
loving myself
grooming myself
looking into the bright side
trying to be better
but i
afraid to be in relationship
relationship is a frail thing
break like a glass
cant be forever
and what makes me scared the most
what if i dont love him back
what if he develop depression too
what if i fail you?
just like today
when my parents trying to take the mental health stability i earned and […]
I thought telling myself im getting better
Telling you im getting better
Will actually make me feel better
But its not
Its just makes me feel lonelier more than before
Trapped in my box of lie coating with happiness
Im so sorry i choose to left this way
But even if i ask and scream for help
You wont help me
You wont be here
Only my smile and cheerful side makes you happy
Makes you closer
Guess everyone loves the sunshine
But forget about the rain in the same sky
I hope that if my family/loved ones ever see this account or posts etc that they know they had nothing to do with the bad of how i feel. I’m sorry I can’t love them enough to like latch onto their feelings for my reason to try some more.
Today has been a very emotionally taxing today .Laughing with them too the edge off for a while x
Dear loved ones y’all have been awesome and done all you could ,this is all on me. I hope ill get to meet yoy again in better condition ! x you really are special x
In these woods I stand belong to me.
They’re burnt and barren as far to see;
The skies are dark and a storm is coming
There is no shelter for me.
It might be unwise to wait just a bit
But my weariness compels me to sit
As the winds pick up and the thunder rumbles
I cup my hands around to get my cigarette lit.
I’ve made too many mistakes while on my path
It’s plain to see and as easy as math.
There’s no time left and honestly I’m very tired
To face the stress, the hurt, the wrath.
These woods might not be pretty, green […]
Since my parents both died, even before that my siblings treated me like dirt, stole a condo from me and have done other hateful things towards me. I dont speak to them anymore. I wish i had a good family. im a cool fun gay male and have a bf that sometimes supports me and sometimes not. I just want to die sometimes, too often I think about ways to do this too. By the way i have no friends either. How pitiful….
When I was 4, my parents split up. My mother never fought for me. She just ran to another state. My brother and I ended up living my life with my father. My father got with another woman who was mentally ill. They had 2 more children together. That woman thought there were maggots and worms under our skin while our father was out working. That woman started to cut some of my skin off and only saw blood. My father got home eventually and found a puddle of blood on the floor. He argued with her for the longest time. After that, she locked […]
Gratitude is overrated, like many other optimistic/positive-thinking advices. Not everybody can do that. It’s unrealistic, and honestly full of BS (bullshit)
Gratitude has become today’s current hype which everyone seems to be doing, and even keep posting about it constantly on social media. Everywhere you see people always talk about gratitude (& with all other optimistic/positive stuff usually).
It becomes irritating however when gratitude is forced and shoved down our throats, as if everyone should (or must) do that. In reality, you can’t just force other people to keep showing gratitude constantly. Things happened, shits happened; problems, pain, & sufferings happen to some people, which is ridiculous […]
my dad died on 16/5/21
everyday i think of him. there is not a single day where i forget about him/. my dad had killed himself. i miss him bro, i remember driving in the car with him, blasting pitbull or elton john on full volume, speeding down little countryside roads. this man has been a role model to me, my entire life. i feel so guilty for his death. the day before he had died, (my parents were divorced) he had called me 6 FUCKING TIMES… and i ignored every single one of them because he was an alcoholic, and i was afraid of […]
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