Stories of Loss

For those who have passed on.

2

Obsessed to be something else?

  April 13th, 2018 by Leafa0910

Hi… So… Uh… Well, maybe it’s not really related to suicide at all but… Have any of you ever, like, unconsciously forcing yourself to be sad? To be hated? To be… You know. Kind of suicidal? Cause I surely have. I guess.

Oh boi. How do I even start this. I don’t really know exactly when did this starts but… I mean, I’m not depressed or anything like that! Seriously, I’m normal and healthy af. But for some reason, lately I’ve been trying hard to hurt myself, I’ve been trying to suck all the negative emotion inside me, I’ve been trying to make …

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1

******

  April 5th, 2018 by fifth

my girlfriend broke up with me.

she says she is scared to hurt me.
afraid I will get too close
but she said she couldn’t be in a relationship right now

her parents are making her pay for rent.
she is 16
I am hurting for her

I can see her childhood going
she is getting a second job to pay rent to her family
they are not poor

she is assembling documents and researching emancipation

I cant do anything

I can see her falling apart

she is seeing this guy.
they have a

thing

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0

Update

  April 3rd, 2018 by Eccedentesiastsoul

It’s been a while since I’ve last been on here. As a matter of fact, it has been a while since I’ve confronted myself about what is going on around me. For the most part, I blame it on school. I have loads of work to do and having to balance it while also dealing with my parent’s bullshit takes up all my time. I guess part of the reason I have not been putting anything on here is also because I fear someone finding out that this account belongs to me. Anyways, things have been all over the place. I have relapsed twice last …

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4

Too tired to fight, yet too scared to run

  April 2nd, 2018 by tonytakitani

I was looking for a way to take my own life when I first came across this site and this project. In reading the stories here and knowing that I was not the only one who was suffering, I found some measure of solace. It took me a while to come to the conclusion that I, too, should share the story of how I ended up here. However, because I am not at all a good writer (as a non-native user, writing in English actually makes me anxious), I find writing down my life story a difficult and agonizing task. Day after day, I opened …

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2

Problems

  March 28th, 2018 by Unsheard

This probably isn’t uncommon but i drink more then i should, no one knows i hide at night with a bottle of vodka and drink until i can’t feel or don’t remember. I also smoke weed, people think i do it to be cool but i really do it because i want to escape the pain and again. All of this started after i stopped cutting so i think i should go back to cutting but i really don’t know. Is all this really bad considering that i’m 15 i really don’t know and i don’t know what to do anymore.

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2

Thoughts and Feelings

  March 27th, 2018 by ClearlyitsDiz

Do you ever have a really intense thought that u desperately want to let out, but the one person you trust the most is the person that the thought will personally effect, so you have no choice but to hold it in and let it eat away your mentality until you’re stuck sitting there at ridiculously late hours wondering the point of anything? I’m so exhausted of living a lie that I’m forced to live instead of letting out the truth. I want so much from life but who am I kidding? I’m never going have anything, I’m never going to amount to

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2

Tragedy

  March 23rd, 2018 by ClearlyitsDiz

The world is silent; my heavy breathing is the only noise in the world… it feels weird. Almost like death is watching me, or like there’s something awful going on. Although there’s literally no noise, and no person in sight… I feel really alone and endangered. Maybe I’m just uneased, maybe I’m psycho, or maybe I’m lonely. I feel like god has abandoned us, because miracles and humanity no longer exist. All that’s left is pain, death, shattered attempts at love and the dried soil beneath our feet to remind us of the past we’ve lived; the history we’ve created. Whats happened to the

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0

Remain calm…

  March 23rd, 2018 by ClearlyitsDiz

I feel like every inhale I take is just steady preparation for the depression and anxiety and psychosis that’s coming when its time to exhale. I feel like every inhale I take is the last, like it’s the final breath before someone breaks in and kills me, before the whole world collapses around me and everything fades to black, and I become paralysed with numbness, slowly loosing sanity as I fall into deep delusion that everyone’s coming for me. I try to handle it, or hide from it if I’m being perfectly honest, but what happens when I stop hiding? When I finally

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6

I feel it aching

  March 23rd, 2018 by lonewolf23

It’s about to happen. I can feel it within me. The next phase is about to commence. I feel a great ache for growth. All the things i couldn’t do. All the things i didn’t do right in the past put me into a paralysis as soon as high school ended. And for 3 years time has just kinda went on its own. I feel like I’ve watched myself go through these past years in 3rd person view….almost as if i was in auto-pilot. Emptiness from realizing that things could have been better had i just not been so depressed. If i could have just …

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1

  March 20th, 2018 by Jean-bean102

I am here. Simply as it is that. For few months, I was thinking that nothing is truly last. I lost someone, a good friend who I care and love very much. The last person, I would expect to lose. It takes me a while for me to recover from that loss. I didn’t want to believe it is my loss. Now I accept it happens to me and it does not matter if I deserve it or not. I simply lost someone and it affects my life in good and bad ways. I still have hard time to look at something I love such …

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3

Im about to watch my best friends celebration of life video

  March 19th, 2018 by rayonhousefly

My best friend in the entire world, the first best friend ive ever had, died almost two years ago. I was in a very bad place at the time and could not handle going to his funeral, which i still regret to this day. Earlier today i was looking to see if i could figure out where he was buried so i could go visit him. I did, but i also found a video on youtube. It was posted by his sister, and was played at the funeral/celebration of life.

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2

leave me alone

  March 18th, 2018 by trashcan

I want it to shut up I want it to leave my head I want it to let me be happy i want it to go away but it fucking won’t

it wont leave me alone

i just want to spend one entire day without hearing it

i want to happpy
I can’t take this anymore I need to be free from it but I don’t know how to get away from it if it’s in my head
The only way to make it stop before it starts up again is if I’m asleep but I can’t sleep my life away not anymore

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11

people need people

  March 15th, 2018 by iamdarling

even though i’m an awkward introvert with social anxiety, i miss people. i miss being around people.

i’ve come to realise i’ve never really had a true friend, so, i can’t say i miss having friends. i don’t really know what it’s like to have friends. the idea doesn’t appeal to me much anymore. maybe, i miss the idea of them. the idea of a boyfriend is more appealing, which is weird, i know.

the idea of having someone i can expose myself to, and let them truly know me like no one else knows me, is bittersweet to me. it must be so… amazing, to love …

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0

I’m back baby….. (Futurama reference)

  March 15th, 2018 by Urm8451n

It has been a while since I logged in to this site, but since I’m here again –  I guess I have no other getaway.

 

Life has been going rough, and each day I feel I stray away from my feelings.

I hope that after the next semester, I’ll be able to find a good job at my study field [engineering] and so to help the house’s financial state.

I’m feeling pretty much in the sewers since a month or so. I don’t know what I’m doing wrong, but everything doesn’t feel right.

 

I hope it will get better once I finish my last test. I really hope it …

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5

  March 6th, 2018 by Iucy

Sometimes I don’t really want to die. I just want to not exist for a while….

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3

Still not dead. Wish I was.

  March 6th, 2018 by johnwhogivesashit

My story has gotten quite a bit worse since last May and my last post. Still on felony probation. I managed to fail upward and drop dirty for weed on another like 5 tests in the last year. Got a PTR for it. Been fighting that since December. The judge was actually a sorta decent human being and told me to stop getting high and he would let me complete my probation. Asking me to stop getting high is like asking me to stop breathing. So I quit weed and started snorting dope. Heroin… I got in a car accident a while back so …

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4

Suicide year 2014

  March 3rd, 2018 by Urm8451n

It is 2014, I’m young.
Have yet understood why my I can’t understand other’s feelings.
Mom is breaking down, she is alone, she is going through courts and she is under a lot of stress.
Knowing things can get out of hand at any moment, I don’t sleep.
Not even blinking.

My head is on the pillow, but my ears are searching all over the place. I clearly hear the neighbor’s dog, the child across the street, the moving cars, and how many there are.

The following days, mom starts acting weird, just like in those horror movies where the demon is taking over. She yells, and kicks, and make hate …

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2

Here I Go Again {push back the pain}

  March 1st, 2018 by lonely2k14

I wake up to aching sound of my phone buzzing beside me. I reach for it in pure emotional agony, immediately pressing snooze. As I try to stir out of my groggy state, my mind is blank, and can only think of my exhausted body. I tried to open my eyes but they felt as if they weighed a ton, I tried to lift my arm but it’d fallen limp at my side; given up, I let myself relax just for one more moment… I’m abruptly woken up by my phone buzzing once more. Here I go again… I go through the same, process of …

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8

I hurt someone

  February 28th, 2018 by Zigzag

A few days ago, I made a horrible decision. I drank, and made a decision shortly after to text a friend of mine some very mentally abusive things.  For no reason. It was completely undeserved. I didnt consider the sort of impact it would have on her before I did it, and that disgusts me. It gives me immense sorrow and regret to know that I hurt someone I cared about so much that badly. If Im allowed, I am going to apologize face-to-face, and make amends. I’m going to offer to pay for any therapy or counseling she might need as a result of …

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1

Back again

  February 26th, 2018 by ataria-coronaria

Having a another really bad night. Everything feels like it’s wrong in my world again. I’m so afraid of myself and can’t fully accept my reality. I honestly just want to feel genuinely loved. I think I have friends who love me but I don’t really feel anything from people regardless of that. My own self loathing is getting in the way of everything. I feel like my constant down personality is driving everyone away as well. Subconsciously I kind of want them gone at the same time as needing them. I fear that if people get too close they’ll discover the truth and desert me …

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