For those who have passed on.
If hating me makes you hate yourself a little less, I’ll do that for you…
I’ve long since outlived my welcome and my usefulness.
Precious little goodness have I contributed to this world; nothing to my own credit do I leave behind. Nobody here depends on me, all will be relieved when I’m gone.
I’ve nothing left in this cold, desolate place to hold me here.
I’ve lost it all. There’s nothing left now for me to lose, anymore.
There’s just nothing left. C ‘est la vie.
The Last time I posted was FIVE years ago ..
I never though I’d ever come back .!
Yet here I am
I guess we never really change !
no matter how hard we try to change ourselves deep down we will always be the same .
I fought hard .. and I’m still fighting .. I’m not really willing to surrender not before not now not ever
yet still my inner self , my flaws , my weaknesses.. are catching up with me ..
spend the last five years in what I developed to br a stable life .. it is actually to most people it’s what they want .
I got […]
Even though we cant talk to each other directly here. I feel safe here. I feel in the silence, a comradery.
I love reading the stuggles the goodbyes because i can relate so much to these entries and i just have nothing but love for you.
Even if you are a judge of me, i can relate and I’m grateful. Whatever comes… I’m just grateful for this silent hive where our honey is our words about our bloody battles of life, death, trauma, pain more than anyone else in the real world could ever handle. We can speak it here in complete truth and honesty without fear.
I’m […]
I told my only family member it was time for me to stop. The only person in the world who knew me. He said at least try acid once.
I dosed and became one with the Universe and all that shit. I felt something fall off my shoulders afterwards. I got an understanding of why I survived the first eleven years of my life along with him surviving the first twenty.
-We weren’t meant to survive right?
I got a hippy ass perspective on why there’s scars on my genitals that I can’t explain to a doctor.
It lasted about a month until I was drugged and raped […]
2nd year anniversaries are so surreal.
I dont know if it would honor you or offend you if I chose to enter light body that day. I already failed once in a way I shouldnt have failed because of your bad timing. Then you died.
This is a sign I should go with you, I feel sometimes. You said you couldn’t do this life without me, what the fuck do you expect me to do here without you.
Drugs sure help. Maybe they’ll have pity/mercy on me the way they did for you and take care of the dilemma I face daily
I don’t know what to do or anything….I’m lonely, alone, worthless, not anything but a waste of space, time, effort…anything. I would give my life story but have so many times, would also be a book…i type too much. I annoy others I just gwt in the way. I have tourettes, as well as many mental issues some self diagnosed, others not,
I have many health problems like celiac disease, back issues, jaw messed up, etc.
I try to make friends, but everyone gets tired of the way I talk or I’m plain boring. I’m married and trying to get divorces…middle of it. He is extremely narsisistic […]
Something changed. I don’t think it was me, at least not to begin with.
Now I’m planning an idea so far out of my personality; something that feels like I’m retaliating. I’m not sure if I care either, Maybe it’s just an excuse to do something crazy.
What else is there to say.
You can’t save every dying man.
Sometimes the dying man doesn’t want to be saved.
Save yourself the trouble.
I’ve sat here, countless days, haven’t left the house, haven’t DONE anything, I have no purpose, nobody is willing to hear my cries, even my best friend, whom I thought was exactly like me cant see anything wrong. Im leaving to go to Japan in 12 days, and after that, when I get back, Im going to go see her and then, then Im done. Im done not having a reason to live, im done being hurt by everyone, im done with my deadbeat family who always bash on me. there is no way that im going to sit here and let this happen. so, […]
This is a true story.
“Bob” went home for lunch and never came back, forever. We didn’t find out until the next morning, when one of the big-wigs called us all into the lunch room. He passed around a tissue box saying somberly that Bob “had taken his own life. His friend found him last night.”
I really didn’t know Bob very well. But I had heard the rumors that he’d gotten a bad review and didn’t get a raise and was told, basically, “it’s time to start updating […]
My whole life i have felt as if i wasnt meant to be. I never meant my grandparents or any of that. I felt that i was being pubished for being born. I was just fine, but then now im so sad inside. i cry every night and i cut. It numbs my pain and i just want someone to talk to because im so lonely. Someone please. i call but nobody returns. Its like a dropped call on a phone. Dead Silence, its scary but makes me worse. Ive tried hanging but i failed and ive never been so sad about it. My school […]
I have a really good friend but she has a boyfriend. She knows that I like her, and she told me that she had feelings for me not much more than a year ago (I’ve fallen in love with her 2 years ago). At that time she had no boyfriend but I always was that socially fucked up person and couldn’t tell her. I eventually did 1 month ago. We both cried. We’ve been hanging out ever since this talk, but we graduate in a week and she leaves this city and I won’t see her for a long time. Her whole family, boyfriend and […]
ima kill myself and i just thought that maybe somebody should know, so now you all know.
I know you’re dead for a year now.
I know the word death and what it means
But all this time, I’ve been unconsciously thinking
You’re somewhere far away. Just a country away.
But this night, I finally realized you’re dead.
Dead and never coming back.
It’s not a movie or a game.
No reviving spells,
No Phoenix tears.
Just my tears
And I know that will never bring you back.
I’ve been drinking, i’ve been getting high. and all this time i wonder if i did the right thing. sure shes happier and has moved on but i havent. but it doesnt really matter what i want because she is more important even though i hate myself for loving her. who cares anyway ill just tie my noose and jump off my roof. life is messed up and it isnt worth it. im so done with all this shit.
When death is so near, sometimes it walks on padded feet, strumming the ground like a guitarist, rhythmically – louder – softer, then with fingers on the wood, tap, tap… tap, tap. The sound is everywhere, no one can hear it but the poor fuck. It builds and then suddenly subsides, then as each pebble of doubt and every dark word is cast into the waters of his mind, the song builds again on each ripple. Inside his head each wave combines with the last, getting larger and larger. With the sound of the pebbles dropping into the water, cast by each tap, tap… tap, […]
I’m going to do it I just need to know how to let people down easy. I really can’t stay here. Any ideas on what to write for my mom would be amazing. Thank you!
Last Friday I nearly killed myself. I have been spiralling worse and worse over the last couple of years. 2 years ago my best friend killed himself, and it has amplified and set my pre-existing depressive feelings out of control. I have been cracking down the last couple of weeks, drinking heavily and doing drugs. On Friday I got really drunk and split off from my friends. A few hours later, at around 3a.m I walked toward the local river. I stood on a the bridge over the slight drop into the water, just looking at first. It was very pretty. Then I started thinking […]
I knew him for years, but this time was different. The weekend was wonderful, so much sex and happiness. He started calling me baby, darling, and by the end, “my love.” I told him later I had feelings for him, and he said he had problems maintaining relationships. I told him there was always going to be ups and downs, but not to imagine everything would be terrible before it even started. He swept me off my feet. No one has ever spoken to me so lovingly or made me feel so good. We went on a two weeks trip abroad, got tattoos together, and […]
i found a new girl, we have been talking for a bit but i think i’m getting to deep to quick. I flirt with her even without trying to and i can’t stop myself. I think i’m breaking her because i’ve started cutting again. I need to break it off but i dont know how. Someone please help me.
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