For those who have passed on.
I miss those days when living means the world to me.
4 years of depression….. People tell me to get over it. Enjoy life. Enjoy time with my friends and family. Talk to god. Yeah. I’ll always do those things. But it’s never enough to say that “I’m better now” “I survived from this illness” “I’m okay now”. I’m sorry if I’m like this. I’m sorry if I can’t recover. Even myself can’t help me. I won’t ever be fixed, and I’m sorry for that. I think people are thinking that I’m weak because I’m not doing an effort to get better. And I’m sorry for that. I’m sorry for being a coward. For being pathetic. […]
Everyday is the same never f*cking ending routine. I get up, eat, go to work, come home and lay around until my body succumbs to drowsiness. I do nothing in my free time anymore. My passion for art is completely dead and my friends never invite me to do anything. They don’t text me or even come close to asking if they want to hang out with a loser like me. I feel alone. I feel uncared for. I feel unappreciated. I’m rotting from the inside out. Why the hell was i born if I was meant to suffer? If I was meant to hate […]
I’m lost. I don’t know who I am. I don’t know if this is me. I don’t even remember who I was back then when I still don’t have this fucking depression. I’m lost. I’m like a soul looking for a body. I’m frustrated. I cried. And I made another self harm scars. I was so frustrated. I always ask myself if this is me. Is this my personality? Is this how I really am? Or I’m just showing this kind of me because of other people? Who am I? What am I? I feel so lifeless. So empty. So hopeless and….lost.
“Hang in there” they say. “It will be alright” they say. “be positive” they say. “Talk to god” they say. “Don’t be so over dramatic” they say. “You’ll get through this” they say.
“I’m through” I say. “Enough” I say. “I don’t want it anymore” I say. “I can’t take it anymore” I say. “I’m done” I say….
You people ruined me… and I let myself be ruined….
At school, my friends was assigned to make a thesis about depression and they made me their subject. They asked me to be their subject and I said yes. I was nervous. I was afraid. I was afraid that some memories, those fucking hurtful devastating memories will come back. But they were my friends so I guess I’m a bit okay with it. After all those question and answer, I thought to myself, What is this? Why am I like this? How did it turn out to be like this? I didn’t choose this fucking depression. They chose me. And why me?! Why the hell […]
When I was a kid, I often watch movies or videos with characters who have depression. I was so sad when watching them when I was a kid. They look so desperate. So fragile. So scarred. I pity them. But I never expected that I would end up just like them. A scarred human. Like a wandering soul looking for a reason to live. I never knew that I would end up just like them. I’m still a teenager but I already want to die. If I had a chance to die without killing myself, I’d probably take it. I’m not a coward for running […]
So many things that should probably be said;
I don’t even know where to begin; and, i’m just really not the type to dwell…But nonetheless they need be.
Maybe i’m just to stupid to; not… to; dwell. (Anyway, how’r all you stars?)…*Dizzy ;{P
You know? I used to want to be in the military…but now, all my naive suppositions are more or less confirmed… and this capitalism shit is kind of resonating as well…(there’s just a level of living that people need to go on) With this and that, I’ve never been against hard work, I’ve just always come to the point that it never pays off…(Never learned from […]
I am 26 years old. I’m married… But I’m always alone and lonely.
Because I don’t have friends. I don’t have friends since when I was 18. I want to go shopping with friends and hang out with friends…Watching a movie with friends. Talking to friends on phone.
I can’t do that.
When I feel depressed, I can’t share this feeling with anyone. So I always stay at home, laying in bed, crying and waiting for coming the morning. Please be my friend… I’m so depressed I want to talk to someone. [ my kik : YYUKGRA]
January 6th, i attemped suicide.
i took lots of medicines and drunk alcohole.
but i couldnt die… my head was just dizzy and i couldnt eat anything for few days. i did not tell anyone about this. and i wont tell anyone. but now i think i still want to die. i want to end my life.
this world sucks…
i really hate myself and no one cares about me . my family my husband they dont care about me … all they care and want is money ..
i have been trusting that one day i can have someone who loves and cares .
If my nightmares come true. If he gets hurt and doesn’t survive. I do not want to live any more. If he doesn’t survive, neither will I.
Some of you make think I’m joking. Some of you may think im insane. But I have a story to tell. And it’s completely the truth. My personal experience. Some of you may curse me to hell. And some of you may just understand my plight. But I’m telling you now that i am not trolling you.
As a little girl, like most children, I had an imaginary friend. I would stay up at night talking to her and we would play games. She was a lot older than me, but that didn’t seem to matter because I was the only one who could see her. […]
Today I lost a friend.
Not even a few hours ago.
I saw him the other day, smiling.
Today, he shot himself.
Today people cried.
But I didn’t.
My thoughts were, maybe now he can smile, maybe now he isn’t in any more pain.
All I know for a fact is… that today, I lost a friend.
2 days. Not a word. I go ahead and say hi, not expecting anything. And, I’m ignored still. It’s completely over.
A depressing, lonely new year’s. I sent a facebook sticker animated kiss to the guy I like earlier today and he had to once again tell me to not read too much into it that he laughed, and to me that’s like he might as well say I’m too gross and disgusting to think about. I really don’t need reminders, and wish he didn’t have to say those things every time we do talk, as if I would forget that he’s never going to be mine and need to be reminded constantly? No, I don’t need the reminders. He doesn’t need to keep putting up a […]
Once again a friend ditched me for my sister, once again I feel left out. I don’t want to be alone on New Years.. It’s happened two years in a row. I want to be with those who love me. I thought I was going to change and be more outgoing this year but I guess that hasn’t worked out well for me.. I thought I had that courage. I haven’t changed at all. When will it end?
I hope everyone else is having a good New Years. You guys diserve it.
Happy New Year!
Again, I can’t process anything. I woke up at 5am to see this on Facebook. All this time, since I left WV, I haven’t been able to process anything. I cried, some, after reading this and giving it a minute to sink in. The worst thing you’d ever want to hear. It’s so surreal. But this is the woman who took my cats when I lost my home. I ended up in KY when I couldn’t stay at the place I paid $1700 to move in to in OH. I lost that money and had only $800 left. It was too cold and cramped in […]
I hate Facebook today.
Last night, I learned that a friend took her own life. Her Facebook page is full of pictures with her arms wrapped around her children, positive quotes, jokes, “happy” pictures with friends and deeply spiritual thoughts.
We post glimpses of our hearts not wide open pictures of our real life. We are careful not to show depth or vulnerability. God forbid that someone would see our flaws or pain.
I am learning that the keyboard becomes a template on which […]
Alot of changes have been happening, and I just can’t adjust everything all together is tearing me up inside, my home broken and the one person I depended on is gone, even worse she can’t stand me and is so rude, the suicidal thoughts have set in and there not giving up, that physically I’m never gonna get better, or I’ll be managing this my whole life,I’m never gonna see my cats again, the only thing that held me from becoming a complete utter mess, I was holding it together for like a week and then I talked about it and uncaged the dark beast […]