All of us here think we’re all fucked up in the head- and yes, that’s true. But when I watch these documentaries and true crime stuff…I start thinking…maybe I’m not THAT fucked up after all…

I watched this like 1-2 nights ago. This is a TRUE story- she was arrested and this is actual police footage. So…apparently the husband watches child porn, and because she’s getting ignored by him, she has sex with their dog. Yes, dog. Yes, watch the video. No the video doesn’t obviously show the crazy acts.

I mean, I guess we’re not THAT fucked […]

will you pass a day without thinking of dying? i don’t think i will.

if i don’t keep this job i need to finally end this, i need to promise myself. there needs to be a solid deadline. i don’t think i can find better work than this, where i don’t feel like a complete outcastst. it’s so hard to hide how i feel, it’s written plainly on my face.

i’ve been struggling a lot lately.
in the end, i did call my relationship quits. after all, it wasn’t fair for either of us. i’m surprisingly okay though, kinda weird. honestly i didn’t even feel bad about it being over. i feel a bit bad about it, but i guess it is what it is.
i don’t know what’s going on with me lately. i’ve kinda been retraumatizing myself a bit. if not a lot.
it feels like i’m stuck in the past. waaaay back in the past. it’s so annoying honestly. it doesn’t let me live my life currently. how am i 27, still […]

In this place where I live the people are close minded, cold, they don’t care about others too much and they think small. I have no one to talk to about anything except with my mother sometimes.

Loneliness, depression, lack of sleep, anxiety- basically everything we are or have…

I was trying to make a phonecall and watch the kids out the back garden simultaneously. I couldn’t get him to come down on his price,  ” hang on man” I said covering the phone and walking over to the back garden, ” keep the hose aimed low, you’re gonna put water over the wall on top of the neighbours, that’s it I’m knocking the water off” I said, the kids just laughed. There was a gaggle of giggling girls in the next door back garden. The youngest daughter it must have been and her friends , I think she was about 20, which is […]

I mean, yes, it’s much better to find your true love/partner or have real friendships. But sometimes, being alone keeps you alive. Watched this documentary today- there’s LOTS of documentaries like this where ppl are killed by their bfs/gfs, wives/husbands, family, etc. If you’re a loner, there’s less of that happening.

I mean yes, we do suffer from loneliness and depression, but it’s smarter NOT to get into a relationship with someone who is not good for you- the users/abusers/manipulators. And there are TONS of them out there, not just a “few bad apples” society wants you to think there […]

I don’t have a single family member or friend who gives a crap about my struggle with my suicidal thoughts or death talks. We don’t talk about it. I talked about them some times with some of my family but it did nothing, they don’t like it and don’t know how to help. When they gave advice trying to help, it sucked.

This 60s clip is HILARIOUS.
Maybe you’ll get a chuckle out of it like I did.

“Uh-oh, it saw me.” 😀

Just over 3 years ago I gave myself 1,157 days left to live. 1,157 days left to live or to try and see if things end up being worth it to continue on after those days. I gave myself plenty of time, I mean that is just over 3 years to see if this is all worth it. And when I made that decision back in 2022 I was in such a shitty and low place but also in a place of not wanting to hurt my family that I said fuck it i’ll suffer now for them as I always have. But if it […]

Visiting a place 400 miles away. Travel was a distraction, unfamiliar surroundings were a distraction, a few brief interactions with strangers were distractions, but as soon as things get quiet I’m back to hell. It follows you.

I can’t get a news story out of my head from years ago. It was about a girl who was depressed and went to a party. Everyone says she seemed to be having the time of her life, really happy and outgoing. She left the party early and killed herself. People were baffled.

I wasn’t. It makes total sense and it’s the feeling I’ve got right now. We’re constantly told […]

I worry about a lot of things.

I think about the future a lot.

I’m not handy like my dad is.

I can barely cook, my mom has to walk me through dishes.

I’m not good at cleaning, all things considered. My mom’s good at that.

I’m shit with vehicles in general. My parents and siblings are better with that.

I’m shit when it comes to relationships and women. Siblings are better when it comes to that, too.

I’m a tech guy, so I at least have that going for me, but I know I’m going to be that type in the future, where things get so far ahead of me, I’ll […]

Just one thing after another. Starting classes really soon and I know I’m not cut out for it. Car’s fucked up. I’m broke af. Family’s in a pretty rocky spot and can’t do shit about it. And wow, imagine that, still being a leech on what’s around me. The people I’ve been living with have been helping a lot with certain things esp regarding the school and the car and I feel like shit about it. More money down the drain on their end. I wish I would’ve stayed at that job at the nursing home. It might’ve killed me, but I wouldn’t have died […]

Is it okay if I share all these things? What is it like to be loved? What is it like to be alright and not just pretend to be alright even if you’re pretending without noticing? What is it like to be stable? What is it like to love someone? What is it like to feel like you’re not so alone?

Why does it never last? Why do the good times feel so short and the bad times feel so long? Why is intimacy so scary? Why do people make fun of me when I’m just being myself? Why is it funny?

Is it funny? […]

at this point, i know that no matter what happens in my life, things won’t get better. i’ve tried medication, therapy, religion, relationships, solitude, starvation, exercise, self-harm. i can’t look at myself in photographs and the thought of leaving the house and having people see me makes me feel physically ill. i often start crying randomly in public and can’t stop — it is embarrassing and has ended friendships. i am so sad that i am nearly unbearable to be around. even my closest friends need breaks from my company, and while i understand on some level, it’s also painful and makes me feel distanced […]

It’s amazing to me just how much alcohol/weed/other drugs effects your mental and emotional states. Even when you dont currently have a buzz, it is effecting you. I hadnt even realized it.

But I have spent the entire summer so far 100% sober off of everything. The money I used to spend buying alcohol, I saved that up, and now I have an appointment on the 26th of this month to get all of my prison tattoos covered up. I have lost 30 lbs since mid May, when I quit drinking and getting high. Im doing better in school. I spend my free time exercizing, or […]

Do you feel stuck in life? Why

Asked ChatGPT how Van Gogh died. Got flagged for violating usage policy??

So much for suicide awareness in the 21st century.

I just realized I had a strange visitor the other night in a dream, I’m not certain what night he showed up. However what night doesn’t matter. The issue is that the emotional charge changed. Previous times I was pretty sure I wanted to kill him, and this time I didn’t. I think I even commented on it in the dream, because it was strange.

The thing is that I’m not sure what really happened to him, and I don’t want to know. He was my best friend in high school, but he showed up again after my divorce and we lived together for awhile until […]

Why are we strangers when our love is strong why carry on without me