This is only the second training I’ve ever done specifically dealing with suicide, but this one is by far much more wrong. The first one was sponsored by SAMSA and performed by a veteran psychologist for psychology majors, it was comprehensive and not bad.

This one was sponsored by some mental health organization I’ve never heard of, done by social workers for social workers. I didn’t have high expectations going in to be fair. It was “mental health first aid”, an almost ludicriously oversimplification of maybe people should bother to be literate in common mental disorders.

I could have taught this course, despite never seeing it until […]

-_-

But what can I do? I’m too tired, mentally and physically, of all this bullshit.

This is about as much “social contact” as I have- posting words to anonymous strangers at a site like SP. Every now and then I post to other groups but I’ve given up on them. Why? All the other groups have TONS of ppl- you post and NO ONE remembers your story. It’s just one post. People reply, and then they forget about you. That’s literally ppl’s attention span. From one post to the next. Hell- I wouldn’t be surprised if Gen Beta can’t even hack 280 character long tweets, given our skyrocketing ADD trends. […]

I’ve struggled with suicidal thoughts and awful behaviors through much of my conscious life. The furthest back I can remember being such a narcissistic, awful, and boring person is from elementary school. I’m not going to paint some bleak and extreme picture where I am the most tortured soul on the planet because, in reality, those younger years were not bad in the ways that I see for most people. I grew up with divorced parents and little-to-no friends, and I was relatively indifferent to it all; I still am. Every time I’ve tried to write out my thoughts and feelings it always comes off […]

Family is something that can give both happiness and heartache. Scoldings, often intended with good intentions, can make me feel wrong and like I’m not allowed to do things my way. There’s a strict structure for everything, and it must be followed. I have low self-esteem and admire people who can do things I can’t. I’m tired of everything

THE PAIN OF YOU WANTING SMTG BUT YOU CANT DO IT KNOWWV ITS FUCKING PAINFUL … WHICH MAKES ME FEEL THE LOWEST OF LOWEST …. I CANT OVERCOME IT ………. I FEEL I AM UNLUCKY IN ALL ASPECTS ….. AND MY PARENTS DESERVE A PERFECT KID INSTEAD […]

I read EternalDarkness’s recent post and i too hate this piece of shit world. I have recently been working on my traumas. Theres just too much to bear. Before i kinda ruined my life and other people ruined my life. Lets start from the beginning. Did you know the first trauma’s of somebody’s life starts as kid and your needs were neglected. If you know what im saying you know your first experiences. Mine, was my piece of shit mother leaving me in the backseat, forgot about me and looked the car. I was balling out my eyes because how the f**k do you leave […]

I’m really disappointed that I can’t join my classmates on the industrial visit. As a final-year student, this was a trip I was really looking forward to. Unfortunately, financial constraints are not letting me from going.

It’s especially like heavy heart because this was likely to be the last such trip during my college years. I feel unlucky because I’ve missed out on similar opportunities in the past, even during my school days. While others enjoyed these experiences, I was always on the sidelines.

This situation has now left me feeling frustrated and a bit angry. I can’t help but feel that I’m missing […]

i just can’t, and it’s getting worse. night by night, little by little. but it doesn’t feel like a little. i just want to know what okay feels like. want to know what being enough is like. im trying really hard to be enough, to get my life together, so i can actually matter. but the days continue and not mattering is starting to really get to me. the failing feeling. the isolation. god, the isolation… its better to just pretend im fine anyway because talking about anything would just burden everyone more. everything’s eating me alive, i feel like im being ripped apart. i […]

I never knew what the hell was wrong with him all these years. I always felt like something was off. But I started watching some guy named Jerry Wise on YouTube recently and he describes what a narcissist is. His videos describe my dad to a T.

What Jerry was talking about wasn’t anything new. I kinda already suspected my dad might be one but his examples, along with other peoples just gives me further proof.

He’s overly critical over small inconveniences and mistakes that I cause.

The other day I was cooking myself some breakfast. I cracked an egg, dropped it into the pan. I turned on […]

The things I used to rely on to get me through don’t work anymore. They don’t distract me from my reality. I don’t care enough to invest. I’m not interested in anything. I have no plans, no goals, no aims. There’s nothing I want from life that’s realistic for me to work towards. The only things I want are impossible – to turn back time, to not be who I am. Right now, I mostly just want the pain to stop.

And it’s not that the pain’s even that bad. It’s that I have nothing to make enduring it worthwhile. I have nothing to distract myself […]

Well here I am all alone again. Here I am on suicide message board because I have no one to talk to. I just got out of almost 3 year relationship and it hurts so bad. It ended mutually but I’m to blame. My mental health never been too good, from bipolar to depression to god knows what, I guess it took a toll on her just like everyone else in my life. I’m literally a cancer, I hurt everyone I know, and as I should’ve known, they all go away in the end because of me. I’m literally the worst human to have ever […]

It’s literally just now that I had excess energy, for the first time in days, which has been a mixed bag of a breakdown I can tell you what. Yes, breakdown, once again my week ended with me trying to quit and failing.

The difference between these and other times in my life that I’ve had breakdowns is that I am remarkably better resourced now than I was even 2 years ago. Which allowed me to build a plan… that’s all that is usually required to get through even the nastiest shit. Oh and this definitely qualifies as that.

I can’t harp on it much though,  counterproductive […]

I had a “conversation” with Chat GPT of all things. Because I’m lonely and have literally nobody else to talk to. At least about stuff I want to talk about. I tried explaining my thought process. How I got from A to B to C. Asked how it was even possible. Asked what that even means. I told it about the anchor and the broken tool analogy and the contradiction between having a fluid definition of life but a rigid stance on it. Apparently it’s called “Existential Exhaustion” or something. I’m not sure if it made […]

Most normal ppl are into butterflies and unicorns and other sickening things lol. How many of us here are into horror stories, true crime, true medical mysteries, dark tales, death and just weird unusual things? Vs how many here are into 100% “normal” stuff?

I’ve had chronic pain problems on and off over the past 20 years, it took me a long time to figure out but I have gut dysbiosis, which just means my gut has too much bad bacteria and too little good bacteria, it causes a host of health problems, for me it’s mostly urological pain and some symptoms of fibromyalgia but because of this I can enjoy any of my vices, food, I can only tolerate chicken, rice, and vegetables, I can’t drink booze, I can’t drink coffee, and sex is only when I’m not in pain, all of the pleasures in life are gone.  […]

I was able to cut myself. I wanted to see if I was serious about this. I just needed some sign. It was with the box cutter in the toolbox. Of course I tried to do more and pointed it at my throat. Couldn’t do it. Such a meaningless show for nobody. I shorted 3 voltage regulators. 3. The pieces are so braindead simple. Just 4 wires that need to be soldered. But of course I can’t even do that right. I don’t know where the short is. I checked but couldn’t […]

My project is at a standstill. I think I have a workaround for one of my problems, but that still doesn’t completely solve it. I have to rely on the kindness of strangers. My teammate forgot he said he’d look at the motors. I had to remind him as he was leaving. He took them with him. He said he would be out of town this weekend. The likelihood of it getting done is slim. I didn’t think I needed to be over his shoulder to make sure it gets done. The underclassman was too busy […]

@husk- not trying to discourage you- idc if you get something off the net- funny enough, this just happened to pop up on my feed just now. google is probably “reading” my posts to recommend this to me. so this guy is a dr and does these videos narrating/re-enacting real medical events.

i’m sure this is a rare-ish event, though it’s these kinds of stories that deter me from getting illicit things off the ‘net. even in person, i wouldn’t know how to verify the quality of said items since i know nothing about any kind of illicit items.

one time, a friend’s […]

WOW, I always felt and knew that Americans were dumb since I was in JHS, bc I know our education system is absolute shit. But apparently there’s actual hard evidence to back that up.

@10:55- Study in 2019 (done by British Researchers)-
IQ of Japan = 106.48
IQ of USA = 97.43
Difference = -9.05

That’s NINE whole points, which is HUGE in the IQ scale.
Also, it turns out, it’s not even all due to our shit education system. Our decline in education began in the early 80s. But the decline in American IQs began to be seen as early as the […]

The pressure on my head has lessen a bit. I think it’s because I haven’t been able to work on the bot for the past few days. I’ve been waiting on the help of others to get things done. An underclassman who knows how to solder on a PCB and one of my team mates who can help me explain the weird behavior of some of the motors. I tried using the PCB I soldered once more and got another blow out. Of course. Then I try one more time to solder another put it just ended up a […]