A phenomenal artist:
I’m already sick and tired of life. Have been for so long. My mum had a massive stroke a bit after Christmas. I was hoping she could get rehabilitated but it seems more likely she will just stay bedbound. Being bedbound isn’t any kind of life. If I ever ended up bedbound you can just euthanize me, thanks.
My mum barely knows English. To try and keep this post at least a little anonymous, I will just leave her language skills at this. I’m trying to find an interpreter for her rare language and the hospital is too. It’s unlikely they’ll find such.
My mums personality […]
Something that I’m sure a lot of us have noticed, is how shitty certain members of the Right side of the political spectrum can be… As a social conservative, it’s not something that’s gone beyond my notice. This isn’t a political rant, uh, per se. The Left can be similarly as atrocious, but in different ways. And I think that’s generally the difference between the Right and the Left. 
I believe Hanlon’s Razor applies to the Left, while Fred Clark’s Law, more […]
It’s odd, fighting shame as long as I have, finding that I can still be truly pathetic. Today, just in general.
I know what I blame it on, my coffee maker broke. Yesterday I went out for coffee, but I wanted to believe I didn’t need it…. man was I wrong. So wrong. Depressingly wrong.
It’s not just the alertness, it’s the pain. My knees feel like someone hit them with something. I feel in general in a fog, and it took me at least an hour longer to make dinner than I intended, and it wasn’t particularly labor intensive.
Two roads diverge from here, continue my dependency, […]
When I weigh up suicide, two factors generally seem to carry equal importance:
I cannot stand feeling like this anymore. I hate being me, being in my head. It’s just this endless loop of regret, longing, despair, fear, self-hatred and shame. It’s not a life worth living, and I can only see it getting worse over the years ahead.
. It seems unacceptable to put my family in the position of having to mourn my loss. They’re far too invested in my wellbeing, and they’ve done so much to try and help me over the years. I don’t think they’d get over it, and I can see […]
Why God is unfair? is there actually such thing as an ‘evil god’? (I’m a Christian from Indonesia, or at least used to be a Christian. Now it’s hard to believe in Christianity anymore)
I’m from Indonesia. I’ve used to be a Christian too, but now maybe I’m already more of an atheist (or minimal at least an agnostic). But it’s even much worse than that. I’m now also a nihilist, and even become a pessimist (look up on Philosophical Pessimism, and IMHO its related ‘sub-philosophies’ similarly such as: Antinatalism, Efilism, Depressive Realism, Promortalism). And paradoxically perhaps, what now I’m even afraid the most is what […]
Dear mom; I wish you could see what was really going on with me, i wish you could see the truth on what is wrong with me… I wish you knew that you’re the reason I’m like this, I didn’t want to be like this… you have made me feel as if i was just a big problem in your life… I’m sorry for being born.
Dear Dad; I love you dad so much you treat me better than mom but… why… why do you have to make me and my sister unconfutable? you shouldn’t be sneaking pictures of us and not tells us why… “Cheese”…. […]
Some of you have read my story, and I just remembered something that happened when I was isolated from society for 3 and a half years… I found this mouse, just, trembling, on my floor in my room… They say animals can read energy and I think that mouse sensed my trauma. I literally walked right up to it and it didn’t run or anything. It just… sat there. I scooped it up with an empty pringles can and put it outside. I think all my trauma transferred over to that poor mouse…
Hello all. This is my first time posting on here. Ive been around since 2017, but just never posted anything. I did try and help a few people out dealing with there mental illnesses. I defintly know the rough and awful ride that can be. I just felt like sharing my story today to help ease my mind. Ive dealt with depression and anxiety majority of my life. Found out i had BPD. I always though finding a significant other was the way to happiness for me. I just wanted to feel love and feel that I had a purpose in the world. Life has […]
I did everything right yet I still got screwed over. I did as i was told all throughout my life. Go to school make good grades. I did and was in the top five at my high-school and graduated with small scholarships to college. I graduated and got my associates degree. Had a job at a library then at a laboratory . Well now im 25 no job, still living with my abusive mom. No job, no boyfriend, no house of my own no loving family to help me. Eveeyones all like oh you need to do better oh your So Lazy oh you […]
I created an online persona initially, back when you weren’t supposed to put your real info out on the internet, to help myself. To try to improve my abilities to talk to others and try to make friends.
Never used my real name here, will continue not to for the sake of my own privacy of course. I’ve had people who want to kill me pop up before, oddly enough.
I don’t know where I’m headed with my life, This is the most pathetic I’ve been since maybe early middle school? I talk to very few people at this point, I mostly keep […]
I never figured out how to be ok with how much of life is full of death and decay. From your mid 20s, it’s like your body is slowly falling apart. All that effort to grow into adulthood, and then so quickly it’s all going downhill, like it was all for nothing.
Now in my mid 30s, I’m officially over the hill. My back hurts, my teeth are worn down, I have huge bags under my eyes from decades without sleep, and most of my hair is gone. My parents are now pensioners. It always strikes me whenever I see them: when did they turn into […]
I don’t know what to feel. As soon as I woke up I wish I didn’t. I cried a lot yesterday. Probably just due to my overthinking. I’m being stupid. I feel like I cant talk to anyone about anything right now. I don’t know why I didnt just kill myself yesterday. Or years beforehand for that matter. I don’t want to be here. I’m tired of life. I have to start my day soon, with school and everything. I’m dreading it. I dread having to live, I’m barely surviving.
Everything hurts. It’s a constant ache. I don’t even see the point of seeing the counselor […]
all I do is make everything worse and I deserve to die. I am a vile and horrible creature who’s toxicity ruins everything. my overthinking/overbearing stupid personality is pathetic and needs to be snuffed out. how dare I be alive when I hurt the one I love with my stupidity? they already go through enough. I’m only making it worse, whether they say I do or not. I’m a pathetic coward who isnt willing enough to die so I can stop ruining everything. I am a failure. I am pathetic. I am worthless. I cant keep living like this. I need to die, I know […]
I’m from Indonesia. I’m a failed musician (I’m 40 years old now). It’s ironic & tragic (& ridiculous, really) that everybody said that I’m musically very talented, and even could make it big. But in the end, I’m just a nobody & a failure/loser. Now I’m heavily depressed, & even have suicidal ideation/thoughts everyday.
You know, It’s entirely possible for an asteroid to hit earth and wipe us all out right this second. I know you must think that places like NASA have us sorted and safe from all that, but lets be honest with ourselves and admit that they really don’t know too much about space, and for all we know, there could be a planet exploding somewhere in the distance right now, and it could spew out some rapidly-moving asteroids that just happen to be heading straight for us. Now we all know the speed of light, but what about the speed of time? Pretty easy right, […]
I’m exhausted, physically as well as mentally. I’m trying my best though. I’m glad this week is over, even though it’s only been 3 days (for school). I know theres a lot I could be stressing about that needs to be done in that regard, but I’m ignoring it for now as much as I can. Ignore, distract, overthink, panic, numb, the cycle continues. Oh well. I’ve barely been able to eat because I’ve been so overwhelmed and it makes me sick. I don’t need as much food as I eat anyways, I need better self control. I’d probably look a lot prettier that way.
But […]
I wrote a rather long post about this last night. It had comedy, poetry, song and pop culture references. Then just as I pushed the publish button the whole bloody site went down, and I lost the entirety of my post. Has this ever happened to anyone else? They turn to Suicide Project in a time of need and feel worse after?
I’m bitter towards everybody and everything right now, this isn’t a directed attack against anyone.
I got into grad school. That sounds wonderful….. but….. classes are to start Monday, and the University doesn’t have funds set aside for new students. Long calculation skipped, it is […]